Wednesday, 24 November 2010

Unsavoury kilts

It seems the old Scottish custom of not wearing anything under your kilt is no longer sacred. It's being attacked as unhygienic, childish and offensive.

Firms that hire out kilts are complaining that because of the no-underwear tradition, kilts are being returned to them in a disgusting state that upsets their staff, and they have to be thoroughly cleaned before they can be reused*. Some firms are now demanding underwear as a condition of hire.

Regular kilt-wearers however are having none of it. They say insisting on underwear is namby-pamby nonsense and undermines an age-old custom. Kilt-wearers like fresh air and freedom of movement around their intimate areas, and they can't see what all the fuss is about.

But I daresay their women folk aren't entirely happy with the scantily-clad tradition, and aren't too keen on the possibility of accidental exposure.

Personally I've never seen the attraction of kilts anyway. Rather ungainly, old-fashioned things, surely? Why hordes of women find them so exciting and dashing escapes me. If men fancy wearing a skirt (and why not, for heaven's sake?), how about something subtler and prettier?

I must say I'm seeing kilt-wearers in a different light after those squalid revelations from the hirers. I think I'll keep well away from anyone in a kilt in future for fear of unsavoury goings-on. Me, I'm definitely in the compulsory underwear camp. Good grief, lads, have you no sense of personal decency?

* That's the kilts, not the staff

24 comments:

Leah said...

Nick, you've given me a good morning giggle, and I thank you. I have mixed feelings about kilts and about the moments when breezes lift them...

Nick said...

Leah - You mean is it thoroughly indecent or is it rather exciting?

Grannymar said...

I like the look of a Kilt and a well made one looks good on any figure. Far better than casual cut-off trousers topped with an enormous t-shirt and a pregnant looking beer belly!

Eryl said...

Living in Scotland I've had many an eyeful of flaccid testicles hanging off the edge of bar-room stools, usually towards the end of weddings or company Christmas dos. And while I don't find them offensive I do find them ugly enough to want to keep well away.

That said, I sometimes see a very handsome young man on my way to work who always wears a kilt with sturdy boots and a thick knit sweater, and looks extremely stylish. So I'm in two minds about kilts. This could, of course, be easily resolved by the adoption of nice supportive foundational garments.

Val said...

Can't say I've ever liked kilts, but it is a Scots tradition. I'd say wear underwear under one that's been hired, but why bother under one that's owned by the person?

As for something subtler and pretty... I suspect the Scots warrior spirit might reject that!
;)

Wisewebwoman said...

ah come on there Nick, what's up with a bit of leg, especially a nicely turned ankle being shown off.
The dangly bits require some training to keep covered as innappriate can be disconcerting to the maiden aunts.
And I'm serious. Training of the laddies for keeping them covered does take place.
And renting the kilties should not be allowed at all. it would be like renting underwear.
Gross.
XO
WWW
LOL Capcha is "knilty"

Wisewebwoman said...

Jeez - "inappropriate exposure", my head is always 1/2 mile ahead of my writing......

Nick said...

Grannymar - I don't think a kilt would look good on my figure, even though I'm so skinny. And yes, the one thing that looks hideous on any bloke is a massive beer belly.

Eryl - Flaccid testicles hanging off bar-room stools, yuk! I wouldn't fancy being the next occupant of the stool either.

I suspect the handsome young man would look good in anything, be it a kilt or a potato sack. Foundation garments, good grief! To control the burgeoning beer belly or just to firm everything up?

Liz said...

Surely regular kilt-wearers have their own kilts? And if they're not regular kilt-wearers and they're hiring, of course, they should wear knicks.

oooh, I love a man in a kilt!

Nick said...

Val - Even if it's his own kilt, I wouldn't like a sudden eyeful of his unappealing dangly bits.

www - They may get training in keeping things covered, but as every woman knows, with the best will in the world unintended displays do occur. Inappropriate exposure sums it up nicely.

Nick said...

Liz - Ah, another kilt-lover! Of course kilt-hirers should wear knickers. Their private parts should stay private.

e said...

I've only ever seen one man in a kilt and it wasn't a rental...He was a bit too tipsy and not at all shy about the danglies being revealed...

Personally, the only danglies I like to see are nice earrings on women.

Thanks for the laugh though!

Baino said...

Aww no love a man in a kilt! Dangly bits and all. Although disgusting that they get returned 'in a state'. Not sure what that's all about.

Nick said...

e - This is it, they're not shy about showing their accessories, but others may not want to see them. Very true, let's have more dangly earrings and fewer dangly doodads.

Baino - Kilt lovers of the world unite, lol! I think I'll leave the exact meaning of "in a state" to your imagination....

kylie said...

i once got on a train and sat down to see bits falling out of a pair of short shorts.
at least in a kilt it's exotic!

Nick said...

Kylie - Can't say exotic is the word that springs to my own mind. Even in a £5000 designer dress, escaping knick-knacks would rather spoil the effect.

conortje said...

'kilts are being returned to them in a disgusting state that upsets their staff' - what a truly horrible thought hehe

Nick said...

Conor - If that's a regular occurrence, all I can say is that I'm glad I don't work for a kilt hire firm.

heartinsanfrancisco said...

*gag*. I think that particular tradition is acceptable only if they OWN their kilts - if the garments are rented, it's quite repulsive. I have also never seen the appeal of kilts, although some of the plaids are pleasing enough.

Nick said...

Heart - A kilt always strikes as something granny would wear rather than a grown man. But there's no accounting for tastes.

secret agent woman said...

Never been a huge fan of kilts, although they don't trouble me. But I don't care for anyone exposing themselves publicly. And in my opinion, men's bits are really only appealing the the context of an entire naked body in bed with me. Otherwise, I don't much want to see them.

Nick said...

Secret Agent - I think my reaction to seeing a kilt-wearer's bits would be "Excuse me, did I ask to see those?"

nursemyra said...

I have a friend who wears a kilt. I'm always hoping for a glimpse of his dangly bits

Nick said...

Myra - Yuk, why would you want to see them? Horrid, unattractive, wrinkly nuisances.