Friday, 8 October 2010

Drawing a line

A cruise entrepren-eur visiting a new terminal at Portsmouth was shocked to discover that passengers on his five-star cruises might come across smelly, shirtless, unshaven lorry drivers. This would ruin the luxury ambience, he said.

As well as whiffy lorry drivers there would be young people lying around and customers might trip over them. Lord Sterling of Swan Hellenic wants the cruise passengers to be segregated from the unsavoury hoi polloi to "create a certain atmosphere".

I presume that means an atmosphere of snobbery and elitism well away from the unwashed minions who drive their caviar and oysters across Europe.

Actually segregation might be a good idea. Then the lorry drivers and fun-loving youngsters wouldn't be made to feel uncomfortable and awkward by the sneering glances of the well-to-do as they embark on their exclusive £8000 cruises.

They could take off their sweaty shirts and sprawl around without feeling inhibited. They could even play loud music and flaunt their tattoos without anyone cramping their style.

The cruise passengers could have a special deluxe lounge where they can enjoy each other's fully-dressed fragrance, properly seated in well-padded chairs, and aren't forced to endure the trauma of irregular behaviour and uncouth habits.

Lord Sterling is quite right to be concerned. If you just had any old person mixing with any old person, who knows what unpleasantness it could cause? One's tolerance is limited, dontcha know? One has certain expectations and too much lowering of standards does rather strain one's fortitude. One has to draw a line somewhere, dammit.

Now where's that steward with my G and T?

19 comments:

kylie said...

i'll just sneak away and pretend i was never here....
bit rough looking after a days work

Nick said...

Kylie - Goodness yes, if any of Lord Sterling's clients came across you looking like that, they'd have conniptions. Hide yourself away quick.

e said...

They'd no doubt mistake me for a criminal after the work out I've just come from...

Nick said...

e - Eek, how disgusting, nasty sweaty female dripping all over me. Away with you, horrid creature....

Val said...

Sigh....
Sounds like we're going back to the days of first and second class travel... (did that ever stop?)

The only 'first class' I'd like back is our postal system, in other words, one that arrives when it should. Actually any post that arrives when it should would be fine!

Stupid this stuff, isn't it! I wanna know where those rich lorry drivers live...

Baino said...

Ah after coming from the aroma of the Metro and Hostelling around France, I tell you the youngens have a better time anyway! Segregate I say, party hard or go home!

rummuser said...

Nick, imagine me as a truck driver! The good lord's passengers may trip all over themselves wanting to consult me on spiritual matters!

Nick said...

Val - Our post normally arrives about 2pm. I think we must be the last house on the round. There are rich lorry drivers? I thought most of them were on pitiful pay rates, which is why they drive all night and sometimes have horrific crashes.

Baino - If the young have a better time than us (if!), it's probably because they're more positive and optimistic and haven't yet turned into grumpy old moaners.

heartinsanfrancisco said...

Does Lord Sterling know for a fact that rich people do not ever have hairy chests?

Nick said...

Ramana - I can imagine you as a truck driver actually. But rather different from the others. Discussing the political situation in Pakistan with a bemused young hitchhiker.

Nick said...

Heart - He knows they do, but they have the decency to keep them covered with the finest tailoring money can buy.

Wisewebwoman said...

As Lord Sterling and I frequently say:
One just can't get good help these days. If they're not smelly, they have tattoos, and get so underfoot. They should be seen to receive orders and very briefly too, but never heard.
XO
WWW

Nick said...

www - Indeed, seen but not heard. And preferably not seen either, the wanton hedonism of the lower orders is most unedifying.

Liz said...

On Fridays when I'm in work upstairs, there are quilters downstairs. Quilters are a certain type of person on the whole. People who shop at M&S, buy 'home-made' delicacies, and smell divine! The hall always smells lovely after they've been in!

Nick said...

Liz - Just what we need to forget the smelly lorry drivers! I went to an exhibition of quilts in Scotland recently and spoke to some of the quilters. A lovely bunch.

secret agent woman said...

I've been working outside all day and I'm suddenly reminded that I need a shower.

Nick said...

Secret Agent - Yes, you'd better freshen up or Lord Sterling will be frightfully put out.

Grannymar said...

I'm back, in my red hat and purple dress! Now where can I park myself? If only I'd known I would have worn the killer boots and carried the whip!

Nick said...

Grannymar - If you went on a cruise, you'd be followed everywhere by a mob of admiring toyboys....