As a young lad, I was introduced to numerous ways in which men should be chivalrous to women i.e. assuming women weren't as capable or resilient as men and needed a helping hand in all sorts of situations. We were supposed to:
- Hold doors open for her
- Walk on the curbside in case of runaway cars
- Offer her a coat in cold weather
- Carry heavy bags for her
- Pay for meals
- Offer her a seat on public transport
- Pull out a chair for her to sit
- Have her go first
- Guide her along
- Stand up when she arrives
The only thing that still applies in this age of sexual harassment is to walk a woman safely home, though even that she might object to.
The idea of chivalry seems as old-fashioned as the idea of a gentleman.
I would hope that some of those habits still exist, not because they are necessary, but because they are an act of kindness.
ReplyDeleteBijoux: Sure, if it's a simple act of kindness. I'm really referring to those gestures that were made simply out of habit and because it was the thing to do.
DeleteThe risk of runaway cars is essentially zero. You walk on the curb side because chamber pots are emptied from overhanging second stories.
ReplyDeleteAnon: What a wonderful explanation. I wonder if it's true?
DeleteIn this age of indoor plumbing and idiot drivers, I'd say runaway cars are a bigger risk than chamberpots.
DeleteInfidel: I think un-scooped-up dog shit is more of a problem than runaway drivers!
DeleteSome of that, as Bijoux pointed out, simply manners. If I reach a door first I often hold for the person behind me if they are carrying something, have children they are dealing with or elderly. I think men paid for meals because they made more money.
ReplyDeleteSandra: Of course, if it's genuinely helping someone or avoiding slamming the door in their face, that's different. As I said to Bijoux, I was really referring to actions done merely out of habit.
DeleteYou can add: reach for things that are up high.
ReplyDeleteLinda
Linda: Yes, but that's not out of a habit, you're genuinely helping someone.
DeleteI’m 5’ tall. Anyone can reach for things for me that are high up!
ReplyDeleteSandra: As I said to Linda, that's a genuine help to you, it's not just an unthinking habit.
DeleteI think there's a misunderstanding here. I'm not saying you should never open a door for someone or offer them a seat, but it should be a sincere gesture and not just a social convention.
ReplyDeleteOops, above I hit the wrong button.
ReplyDeleteFor me, I can't be sincere doing any chivalrous stuff because as a big believer in personal growth I want others to do what they can. Just as, socially, I would not tell a lady friend "what to do" when she asked.
Sean: Yes, why do things for people they can do perfectly well without any help?
DeleteIt's nice when someone does something because they want to be helpful. But I get what you're saying.
ReplyDeleteMary: As long as they're being genuinely helpful and not just being patronising.
DeleteManners maketh, and all that! I don't mind a bit of chivalry - but I'll only let someone guide me if I have an eye problem.
ReplyDeleteSx
Ms Scarlet: Indeed. The convention of guiding a woman along is a weird one.
DeleteSo many women have suffered at the hands of men and in so many ways that i have to wonder if habitual chivalry may have been a useful reminder that women are human and deserve respect.
ReplyDeleteOn the other hand, for the disrespectful man it probably just reinforced how much power he had and how vulnerable the women were
Kylie: I suspect it was mostly the latter, it emphasised their power over women and their desire for control.
Delete