There's no good reason we should spend time with our families if it's just going to mean hostility and bad feeling. We don't hear much about it, but a lot of people no longer feel obliged to visit their family and are much happier spending Christmas on their own or with friends.
Readers responding to a newspaper's agony column were unanimous: If you don't get on with your family, ditch them and make Christmas your own.
Readers shared stories of walking away from tense gatherings, spending the day alone, heading off on trips, or celebrating with friends - and loving it.
The overriding response was simple: protect your peace, reclaim Christmas, and make it a day you actually enjoy rather than an exercise in pleasing others.
I spent Christmas on my own for many years and relished it. That was partly because my father and I didn't get on. Also because my parents had political views very different from my own and it would have been too stressful keeping on the right side of them.
Now my parents are both gone, I don't miss them at Christmas. Jenny and I have a great time on our own and wouldn't have it any other way.
It's like you had me in mind when you wrote this. My brother has not been seen nor heard from in over 30 years. He did the right thing, I did the wrong. My mother had a personality disorder. All family on both sides stopped interacting with us when I was a young child. Because of upbringing as the daughter I was so trained to take it I never left. There are people who think I'm horrible when I say the day she died felt like a rebirth for me and my son. So, long way of saying, you won't hear an argument from me on this topic.
ReplyDeleteSandra: That seems quite understandable that it felt like a rebirth when your mother died, if you had had a difficult relationship with her. Sad that your brother has been missing for over 30 years.
DeleteI don't miss my family. I do miss Dave's family. I actually grew closer to them as I grew more distant from mine. Dave's sister once told me I know more about her parent's history than she does. That's because I spent more time listening to her father's reminisces than she did. She was too busy.
ReplyDeleteLinda
Linda: Re your parents' history, you must have learnt quite a lot over the years. I probably know a lot more about my blogmates than I do about my own sister and brother in law and parents!
DeleteWe have no contact with a few siblings. It seems as though everyone we know has at least one sibling who they had to cut out of their life.
ReplyDeleteBijoux: My sister is my only sibling and we've never fallen out, but my father was an impossible character.
DeleteLuckily I live in Canada, where there are entire time zones between my relatives.
ReplyDeleteI like how in Britain, in the officer's mess and the private clubs, they had a rule: no discussing politics or religion. I don't know if this was to be gentlemen, or if it was because they had swords and pistols and believed in having duels.
Anonymous: The rule of not discussing politics or religion is pretty universal in the UK, to avoid anger and nasty arguments. That rule is only relaxed if you know the other person very well and feel free to voice controversial opinions.
DeleteI only invite people over for the holidays that I enjoy being around.
ReplyDeleteMary: Very sensible. Why put up with people you can't stand?
DeleteI love my children and extended family and we have a nice time together but sometimes I wonder what it is like to do something different and to not have that obligation.
ReplyDeleteI've had Christmas day with my kids today and it's extended family tomorrow and i really don't have the energy to do it all over again
Kylie: It's a dual thing, isn't it? You want to see your family, but on the other hand you could do without the tiring organisation.
DeleteWe do enjoy family and friends, often in small doses. We saw most family in November at Thanksgiving. We will be spending Christmas the same as you and Jenny - at home and celebrating with a delicious home cooked dinner by Patrick, while I recline with a blanket and a good book. Later will watch a few holiday films. We wish you both a wonderfully relaxing 🎄Christmas with one another because that's all you really need!
ReplyDeleteBeatrice: Nice that Patrick is doing the cooking while you put your feet up! We just watched Oppenheim. Great film except that it was far too long (3 hours!)
DeleteI miss my family - my mum put so much effort into Christmas and I probably didn’t appreciate that as much as I could have.
ReplyDeleteNow I enjoy a quiet Christmas with Mr Blue, and the dog, and it’s been a jolly day.
Sx
Happy Christmas, Nick!