Wednesday 4 September 2024

Why so abusive?

Why are people so abusive nowadays? Why can't they just deal with an annoying situation calmly, without vilifying someone?

Two customers at our local Caffè Nero this morning were angry that they were having to wait a few minutes for service, mainly because a computer problem meant cards or phone payments couldn't be processed and it was cash only.

The angry customers didn't have any cash and cursed the staff for the inconvenience, although the problem wasn't due to the staff who were coping as best they could and probably feeling just as frustrated as the customers.

People take out their discontent on innocent shop staff, when nine times out of ten a problem has nothing to do with staff but is down to a computer failure or incompetent managers or poor training.

No wonder there's such a constant change of staff at Caffè Nero if that's the way they're treated by a significant number of customers. Why put up with a daily stream of abuse if you can find a job where you're appreciated rather than sworn at?

Jenny and I never ever abuse shop staff (or staff anywhere), even if they're making a real mess of something. We know the pressure they may be under and we're more likely to be friendly and patient and helpful than nasty and arrogant.

And what does that abuse achieve apart from venting your emotions? If the problem isn't caused by the staff, probably nothing except a horrible atmosphere.

22 comments:

  1. I think there's a couple of reasons: modern life has produced more stress, not less and people often mirror what they see. In the US we see politicians who scoff, ridicule, belittle, sneer (there's more, but you get the idea) at others regularly. This becomes acceptable behavior to many, so they do it themselves. Staff in service establishments have always been an easy target and when you add in the lack of civility by public figures it becomes acceptable to many people. Mean has been normalized, at least in some circles. Then add in stress and you see what we get.

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    1. As an example, I saw on FB today a post, by someone who was very nearly my SIL years ago, posted a photo standing in front of a huge Vote Trump banner. It said Dump Biden and the Hoe. Obviously made before Biden dropped out, but when did this become acceptable! BTW, I dodged a bullet by not marrying into that family!!

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    2. Sandra: Indeed, when did that sort of smear become acceptable? But people see Trump mouthing off and think that sort of abuse is okay.

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    3. Sandra: I think you've identified the causes pretty well. And yes, I think politicians and public figures have a big influence with their offensive language.

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  2. Try France, where the staff abuse the customers....

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    1. Fly: Is that so? Then remind me not to go to France!

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  3. I think the people who have become accustomed to hiding behind a keyboard are now emboldened to take their abusive behavior out in public.

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    1. Bijoux: It looks like it. And it doesn't take much to set them off.

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  4. I was licensing a new conversion van in South Dakota. The van itself had a title plus the conversion had a title. Staff was still learning a new computer system. I was calm, and supportive during the process. My reward was an easy to remember license plate number for registering in future campgrounds. Patience pays off.
    Linda

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    1. Linda: Sounds like an ideal transaction. And yes, patience tends to pay off while anger just alienates people.

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  5. I have little trouble abusing those robot answerers who cannot understand who I need to speak with.

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    1. Joanne: Dim-witted staff who can't understand what my problem is are a pain in the neck.

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  6. Assholes gonna asshole. Some people just are that way, and they perceive customer-service people as an easy target because their jobs inhibit them from standing up for themselves.

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    1. Infidel: True, shop staff are expected to be polite and courteous at all times, even if they're confronted by the customer from hell.

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  7. Ha ha - I recall being terrified of the serving staff in Paris - I even learnt a bit of French so as not to upset them!!
    I get very frustrated on the phone to financial institutions because I know the call staff have learnt a script. I tend to burst out crying rather than abuse them as it wrong-foots them. I may get my card marked as a nutter, but I get what I want.
    Sx

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    1. Ms Scarlet: Yes, those scripted conversations that don't allow for anything unexpected are bloody annoying.

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  8. Mean & cruel is acceptable behavior. I am shocked at the lack of respect given to any individual. Growing up we were taught to be on our best behavior any time we were out of the home. Mother didn't want anyone thinking she didn't raise us with some class. Now? If someone doesn't agree with their opinion they will rip you apart! I feel bad for your cafe team. Too bad someone didn't stick up for them.

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    1. Paula: That's right, people will show you no mercy if you don't share their opinion. When did rape and death threats become a routine reaction to a different viewpoint?

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    2. Whatever happened to treat others how you want to be treated? Hopefully folks will stop all the hate.

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    3. Paula: Indeed, that was a common aspiration when I was growing up. Now the maxim seems to be "Treat everyone badly before they have a chance to do the same to you."

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  9. Back in 1968, I got fired from a job when an abusive customer yelled at me for doing precisely what he told me to do. He ranted for so long everyone in the whole place was listening to him. I, of course, got the blame for his ruckus.
    Linda

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    1. Linda: Typical to blame a member of staff for a customer's outburst.

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