Sunday, 28 July 2024

Inside out

People say that if you've been married to someone for many years you know them inside out. You know how they'll react to any given situation, you know the thoughts that are running through their head, you know all their deepest secrets, you know what goes on under the public facade.

If you don't know the person that well, there's something a bit wrong with you. You're not really compatible, you're not in tune with each other.

Well, that degree of familiarity may be true of some people, but it certainly isn't true of Jenny and me. I can't be sure of her reactions, I don't always know what she's thinking, I doubt if I know her deepest secrets, and I don't always know what's behind the public persona.

That's not because we aren't compatible, it's simply because we're very different people and we're constantly surprised by each other.

So what's wrong with being surprised by each other? It makes life more interesting. It means we have complex characters that always leave more to be explored and understood.

And does anyone really know their partner inside out? They might think they do, but we all have parts of our personality that we keep to ourselves, however upfront and candid we might seem to be.

How often do you hear people say that something their partner has done or said seems quite out of character, a bolt from the blue? So they didn't know their partner so well after all.

I'd like to know Jenny inside out, but is it actually possible?

20 comments:

  1. I don't think we can ever know another person that deeply and completely. the word "soulmate" can be overused. What does it exactly mean? I think there has to be some mystery and I think you have that with your Jenny.
    XO
    WWW

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    1. www: Yes, if there was no mystery, things would be a bit dull and predictable, wouldn't they?

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  2. Many deep, dark secrets are best kept as secrets. I think we change as time goes on, so to know a person inside out is not possible, they aren't the same person forever. I know I'm not.

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    1. Sandra: Good point that as we're constantly changing how can we ever know another person perfectly?

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  3. After being married nearly 58 years I can often guess how Dave will react but he still sometimes surprises me.
    Linda

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    1. Linda: It doesn't surprise me that he sometimes surprises you!

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  4. Ken and I were together for 30 years when he passed away. I think we knew each other really well and could tell if the other one was sad, angry, depressed, happy ect. But how can you ever really know what's in someone else's mind? You can't.

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    1. Mary: Indeed, you can never know everything that's in a person's mind.

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  5. Replies
    1. Joanne: Agreed. There's always a bit of mystery anyway. The human mind is too complex for easy understanding.

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  6. We know each other well, but not to the level of predictability, thank goodness.

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    1. Total predictability would be utterly boring.

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  7. Things change us as we amble through life, and I think we all need a little bit that we keep to ourselves.
    Sx

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    1. Ms Scarlet: We prefer to keep some things to ourselves for very good reasons.

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  8. I was married for 27 years and in some ways I think I knew him better than he knew himself. That didn't mean I always understood him.
    I do think that in long relationships there become very few secrets and surprises but if both partners continue to grow and change there will be some surprises. Or glitches

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    1. Kylie: I think a lot of women probably know their husband better than he knows himself! I would say Jenny and I still have a few secrets we prefer to keep to ourselves.

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  9. I try not to predict how my husband will react. He often surprises me. People are complex. And interesting.

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    1. Colette: I like the surprises. Someone totally predictable would be horribly boring.

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  10. Looking into your partner like through a transparent sheet of paper is a scaring idea. For me a "stalker"vision. We are married for 55 years and still a surprise bag for each other and this makes our life so full of interesting discoveries of each other and keeps a partnership alive. How communicate people when they preview already the reaction of the other. Boring in my eyes.
    Hannah

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    1. Hannah: I agree, if your partner is a "surprise bag", that keeps the relationship alive. I'm always discovering something new about Jenny.

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