According to a new survey, the disappearing habits include not talking with your mouth full, not eating until others have their food, using your cutlery and not your fingers, family mealtimes, saying thank you for your meal, and asking to leave the table.
Mealtime etiquette isn't entirely vanishing though. The old rules are being replaced by new ones, such as no vaping, putting mobile phones away and not having loud phone conversations at the table.
I've had heated discussions with people who still stick to the traditional rules and object strongly to anyone ignoring them.
But as I've said before, surely the point of a meal is to enjoy yourself and have an interesting conversation. It's hard to enjoy yourself if you're constantly wondering if you're breaking some unwritten rule of etiquette and afraid someone will object to your uncivilised behaviour.
Mind you, there are some habits that really ought to be frowned on but never are. Like getting hopelessly drunk and annoying everyone in the vicinity. Like letting your children run riot and doing nothing to stop them.
Not to mention those hardened drinkers who urge their neighbours to "have a top up", even if they don't want one. With the implication of course that if they aren't happily refilling their glasses they're some kind of party pooper.
I could think of worse things than being a party pooper.
My rules for a dinner party
ReplyDeleteNo phones
No in jokes
No nasty drunks
No “ I can’t eat this “
John: I'd go along with those. Loud, shouty drunks are especially annoying.
DeleteI’m wondering if part of this relates to the introduction of so many international foods that weren’t available to those in the ‘West’ not that long ago. Things that now require use of hands, such as tacos and injera. Or messy foods like pho.
ReplyDeleteBijoux: You've got a point there. Some foods just cant be eaten easily with a knife and fork.
DeleteI think much of the bad table habits come from children being served chicken nuggets at school, and using plastic eating utensils.
ReplyDeleteJoanne: I usually find plastic eating utensils are impossible to eat with. They just bend, and they aren't sharp enough.
DeleteMs Scarlet's comment didn't appear on my blog. She said "I don't go out any more because I don't want to upset people by saying 'I can't eat this' - not being faddy, I physically can't eat hard food because of my jaw issues. It's really hampered my social life. And I dribble. You really don't want me at your table!!
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Ms Scarlet: I dribble sometimes as well, so join the club! A shame you can't eat hard foods, that must mean a lot of foods are out of the question.
ReplyDeleteInteresting about eating protocols. I believe the standard rule should be to ensure the comfort of others. I can't abide people who talk and chew, often spraying those around them. Forks against teeth is another one. Shoveling food in without taking a break and then leaving the table with a burp or fart 2 minutes later. I could think of more. I'm a big fan of slow dinner parties with great conversation.
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WWW
www: We had a friend (I emphasis had) who used to shower us with food remnants as he ate. One of the things that finally caused us to part company. Ensuring the comfort of others is a good principle.
DeleteI was quite cross when, years ago, my young grandson left the table without asking, his parents didn’t mind. Fast forward to now, when we have family meals we wait until all are seated with food before we start, and manners are good (except for the occasional burp, we are a family of good burpers!! We don't do it in public though). We have great converstions and lots of laughs. I’m usually the last to finish and my grandson asks if I mind if he leaves the table. We always say “Thank you” to whoever has cooked the meal. I can't stand parents who allow their children to run riot in restaurants.
ReplyDeletePolly: I think the world is sharply divided between those who uphold strict table manners and those who just eat and what the hell. The trouble with waiting to eat until everyone else has food is that food cools off while you're waiting.
DeleteI still remember a friend took a foreign exhange student home for Sunday dinner. After eating, the student burped very loudly with a smile at the host's mom. She got the idea gist of his actions and said thank you.
ReplyDeleteI like good table manners. It is hard to eat with someone who talks, spits food as you eat. However, I always give no reaction. It really goes to upbringing or who you spend time with. It's normal here for everyone to just eat. Then chat. I grew up in a military town and from generations old military family. When they have their meals, they sit and eat.
Ann: My father insisted on silence at the meal table. Conversation had to wait until we had all finished eating.
DeleteThere were six kids in my family. I think my parents probably appreciated a moment of peace. lol
DeleteAnn: Interesting that your father had the same rule of silence at the meal table.
Deletetable manners were a Huge deal in my family.
ReplyDeleteyou never left the table without asking to be excused.
and you Never smacked or drank noisily. not sure if it was part of being raised by a military man or not. probably. but in a way I never resented it. although...
I also never was very relaxed. as a matter of fact I hyperventilated at every meal! it took years before I got over the hyperventilation. probably held my breath. it also taught me to grow up being critical of other kids my age!
Tammy: We children also had to "ask to be excused". If we just got up and left, we would be severely reprimanded. And how mean to cause you to hyperventilate.
DeleteMary: Your comment didn't appear on the blog post. You said: "The only thing I ask my daughter and grandson to do at the table is no phones or tablets and not talk with your mouth full. I'm pretty relaxed at meal times.
ReplyDeleteMary: That sounds about right to me. Complicated rules that block people's natural spontaneity and openness aren't helpful.
ReplyDeleteI think it's unfortunate to say the least if some of these eating courtesies are dispensed with. Talking with your mouth full is a health concern. Chewing, talking, breathing, swallowing are not simple processes and can increase the possibility of food getting into the airway causing coughing (the body's effort to get that foreign matter out), or in a worse case scenario food into the lungs which can be a serious matter. Wise parents will teach their children to take small bites, chew their food well and slowly, to swallow before adding more food in their mouth and not "washing" the food down with liquid. I say this as a Speech-Language Pathologist whose profession included providing dysphagia therapy. I won't go into detail but eating safely is important. There are sound reasons for some of those other items but not rigidly engaging in all of them all the time isn't going to be the end of the world. There are times using our fingers to eat some foods does make sense, I think, for example. By the same token worse things can happen to kids than learning those other behaviors, too, for which there are good reasons.
ReplyDeleteJoared: I respect your professional expertise and the various points you make. Certainly any habit that means food might get in the airways or the lungs is to be avoided. One source claims choking is the fourth leading cause of unintentional injury death, so it's not a risk to be taken lightly.
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