Tuesday 5 May 2020

Skill shortage

Goodness, life is full of surprises. Two commenters who read my post on pretensions suggested I feel superior to other people. Well, I'm always open to such observ-ations and I always mull them over, but this one has me baffled.

If anything I feel inferior to other people. There are so many people with the edge over me in one way or another, I often feel inadequate and incompetent by comparison. Other people have all sorts of skills that leave me standing. For example:
  • They're more intelligent. They understand things quicker, they respond faster, they can follow complicated novels and TV plots.
  • They're more practical. They can do basic plumbing or electrical repairs, they can insulate the loft, even build their own house.
  • They're better informed. While I skim all those articles about neoliberalism or climate breakdown, they read them studiously and absorb all the details.
  • They have better memories. I can barely recall a conversation from yesterday, never mind what I was doing twenty years ago.
  • They're more emotionally literate. They can read other people's feelings and unspoken reactions, while I often miss them.
  • They have better social skills. They find it easier to organise social gatherings, talk to other people, and smooth over awkward moments.
  • They're more adventurous. They backpack around the world, start businesses, move to remote islands, run mega-marathons.
  • They can play musical instruments. Often several instruments. And they've spent many arduous years learning to play them.
  • They appreciate opera and classical music. I've tried hard to share their enthusiasm but I'm just not on the same wavelength.
  • They can write novels. Often very long novels. I tried to write a novel once but got writer's block after 100 pages. And it was a crappy novel.
I've probably left out many other things, but that's plenty. Far from feeling superior, I feel like a very ordinary, very untalented, not especially bright human being. There's not much to feel superior about.

35 comments:

  1. Goodness me nick, you don't have to compare yourself to all the things everyone can do. Why compare to the highly accomplished?
    I bet there's some orchestral music you would enjoy, it comes in huge variety.
    Many people are insecure but their feeling presents as superiority. I do think you are sometimes prone to that but we're all prone to something.

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    1. Kylie: I'm not saying I feel bad about other people's greater accomplishments, I'm just saying that I'm aware of them and therefore there's little for me to feel superior about. I know I have plenty of human failings but it doesn't bother me because my life has been just fine regardless.

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  2. I wouldn't worry about a couple of bods who suggest you feel superior. You know you don't - but you've no need to feel inferior either. We are all who we are with our own abilities and lacunae.

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    1. Fly: Since it was two people saying the same thing, I felt I should at least think about it a bit. When I say I feel inferior, I suppose what I really mean is just that I'm lacking a few things - some important, some not so important.

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  3. Or maybe you just worry too much about what other people think of you? We're all allowed to have our own opinions but unfortunately, tolerance is in short supply these days.

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    1. Bijoux: Unfortunately yes, I do worry about what other people think (or what I think they think). And I agree, tolerance seems to be withering away nowadays.

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  4. I am neither superior nor inferior to anyone and I am comfortable with that situation. I think that you are too from all the posts that I have read of yours for so long. I therefore fail to understand the purpose of this post.

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    1. Ramana: I was bemused by the idea that I felt superior to others, so I was trying to work out why they thought of me that way.

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  5. Well Nick, now someone might say that you are being self effacing!! Don't spend any more time thinking about it, as you say in your header "you are you and you don't know how to be anyone else".

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    1. Polly: Yes, I'm probably being self-effacing now! I do accept that I am who I am, I don't feel I'm necessarily missing out because other people have some skill or talent that I don't have. I've had a very good life!

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  6. HECK!!! I just LIKE YOU NICK!
    kinda like mister rogers said in the song...
    I like you as you are. I wouldn't want to change you.
    or even rearrange you. I like you as YOU ARE! xoxo

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    1. Tammy: Thank you for that! Don't worry, I shall continue being just what I am, I'm not going to try and be someone different!

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  7. I believe insecurities make us "judgey" of others in that we may perceive pretension. We look for reasons to be better than. And consequently we ourselves can feel isolated and disconnected as a result.

    The one thing I do notice about your blog, Nick, is that you rarely write from your heart or from your own experiences but rather from your opinions about a myriad of topics.

    That is your choice, of course. But a little distancing at times.

    I mean I "know" you from nearly 2 decades of reading you but I wonder do I know you at all?

    XO
    WWW

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    1. www: I certainly don't feel isolated or disconnected, I feel very much a part of the big wide world. You're right that I don't always write from my own personal experience, but then my own everyday experience is pretty humdrum (or so it seems to me).

      Do you know me? I should think you know me pretty well from all my ramblings on many many subjects. I don't think there's anything significant that I'm keeping to myself.

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    2. www: Oh, and that bit about not writing from the heart. Not sure what to make of that. If writing from the heart means being sincere and truthful, then I always try to be just that. I'm certainly not knowingly faking anything.

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    3. She's right you're ever in "journalist" mode

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    4. Kylie: You reckon? In what way exactly?

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  8. Thank you for being willing to discuss this a bit further. I thought afterwards I could have written my replies differently. First of all, the beauty of blogging is we can write anything that captures our interest. We don't have to worry about boring/bothering people because they're not forced to read it.

    That said, I do think when we put other people down and say we don't act that way, we are implicitly saying we are better than them in this one particular area. For example, these people are pretentious, I'm not. That doesn't mean we feel we are on the whole superior.

    I wrote, "And isn't one definition of pretentious, 'Showing or betraying an attitude of superiority.' "

    I ignored the other parts of the definition:

    pre•ten•tious prĭ-tĕn′shəs►

    adj.
    Claiming that or behaving as if one is important or deserving of merit when such is not the case.
    adj.
    Showing or betraying an attitude of superiority.
    adj.
    Marked by an extravagant or presumptuous outward show; ostentatious: synonym: showy."

    Nope, you are definitely not pretentious. I was bothered by the poking fun at other people, but I do more than my share of that when it comes to politicians. So why object to poking fun at people who put other people down? Poke away, Nick. :)

    Again, thanks for being willing to discuss this a bit more.

    Take care.




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    1. Jean: No, I still don't think I'm acting superior to other people. Just because I do things differently and have different opinions doesn't mean I'm superior to anyone. If that's the way they want to read it, that's their interpretation.

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  9. Funny. I did not comment on your previous post because I could think of nothing relevant or interesting to say. Same here, except I'm explaining my absence.

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    1. Joanne: Fair enough. Thanks for the explanation!

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  10. After our 50th High school reunion, I learned much. Since those miserable years, I discovered that apparently it was believed that I was the smartest student in the class. Wasn't but, it made me wonder why I spent 50 years thinking otherwise.

    50 years? Gone and gone.

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    1. Susan: I know what you mean. Lots of people have said I'm intelligent (even "fucking intelligent" in one case), but I never quite believe them. A funny thing, the human brain.

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  11. There are people who may do or say things I find appalling, but I don't feel superior to them. Nor do I feel inferior to anyone in this world. I firmly believe we are all standing on the same ground.

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    1. Agent: The word inferior is a misleading one. I don't feel inferior in a general sense i.e. that other people are all better than me. I only feel inferior in the specific sense that someone has some sort of skill or talent that I don't have.

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    2. Even that concerns me not at all. Nobody can be good at everything. I'm content to be decent enough at a number of things.

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  12. There's always someone that's going to be better than you at something.

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    1. Mary: Very true. But as I say, I'm not bothered about it, it's just an observation.

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  13. That’s what I was thinking prompts pretentiousness sometimes but didn't say in my comment — feelings of inferiority, insecurity maybe. Or maybe, it’s simply a matter of being over-confident on some matters. I don’t think all pretentious people feel superior, though some may. I don’t perceive you as being pretentious.

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    1. Joared: Oh definitely a response to a feeling of inferiority or insecurity. Glad you don't see me as pretentious!

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  14. I think I ticked everything in your list - although I have written novels, the merits of which are uncertain. Are you watching Killing Eve? I am really struggling keeping up with this series.

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    1. Liz: No, we haven't seen Killing Eve. If it's a bit of a struggle to follow, I think we'll keep away from it! Whatever happened to simple, straightforward plots?

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    2. Killing Eve is wonderful, Nick! Completely bonkers escapism, though I read the other day that the killings in the series are actually based on real assassinations!
      Sx

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    3. Ms Scarlet: With that glowing recommendation, I shall have to take a look....

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