Saturday, 24 August 2013

Thoroughly decent

I'm sure you've all had quite enough of me rambling on about my 101 neuroses. Just for a change then, I'm going to blow my own trumpet and tell you what a thoroughly decent and honourable person I am.

So at the risk of seeming smug, patronising, supercilious, self-righteous, holier-than-thou, goodie-goodie-two-shoes etc etc, here are all my thoroughly lovely qualities:

1) I don't harbour malicious thoughts about friends, loved ones or workmates.
2) I don't make anonymous attacks on Twitter.
3) I'm not interested in porn.
4) I'm not misogynistic, homophobic or transphobic.
5) I'm deeply disturbed by all the poverty, violence, misery and oppression in the world.
6) I've never had an extra-marital affair.
7) I like fluffy kittens and cupcakes.
8) I mind my own business and try not to judge other people's lives.
9) I don't gossip, and I'm good at keeping secrets.
10) I don't annoy the neighbours with loud music or all-night parties.
11) I deplore machismo and male posturing.
12) I do my share of the housework.
13) I'm a good listener.
14) I don't hide my emotions.
15) I'm not easily offended.
16) I'm not the jealous type.
17) I like teddy bears and ice cream.
18) I'm not an angry or bad-tempered person.
19) I do all my own laundry.
20) I take off my high heels on delicate parquet flooring.


  1. You are also quite funny...I'd love to see a snap of those heels.

  2. I don't believe a word of it.

    And what's this nonsense about doing your OWN laundry? How about doing someone else's too?


  3. e: I'll see what I can do....

    Ursula: Well, I was stressing that my laundry is not done for me. In fact both of us fill up and operate the washing machine, and both of us hang out the washing. But we each do our own ironing.

    Z: Very kind of you!

  4. I was wondering if you'd mention the heels, y'know..... :D

  5. Nick, you forgot not wearing the soft pink bedroom mules with the swansdown pom pom, when you go to the bin or the clothesline!!

  6. Jenny: I had to emphasise that I'm very considerate of people's beautiful floors. I don't like to be without my heels but sometimes you just have to make a sacrifice....

    Grannymar: Um, I think I might have been guilty of that once or twice. *blushes*

  7. I am very pleased to meet you Mr. Decnet Person.

  8. Bijoux: How could anyone NOT like cupcakes?

    Ramana: Could that by any chance be a typo?

  9. So far only one person has been cheeky enough to suggest I might be telling porkies. If you all believe every word, I'm pleasantly surprised.

    Of course I've carefully left out the bank robberies and the extortionate loans to confused pensioners.

  10. Hmmm, it seems people are much more interested in my 101 neuroses....

  11. nick you know good stuff never hits the headlines

  12. Kylie: Well, it does, but yes, people are fascinated by the salacious, the titillating, the sensational. And I don't exclude myself....

  13. Ramana: Of course Decnet might be some interesting website I didn't know about. With hints on decorating the house perhaps?

  14. Kylie: No, I'm not, I regard it as totally undignified to spend my life "tweeting" in 140-character easily-digestible chunks. Jenny likes Twitter though.

  15. If you could bottle yourself, you'd make millions!!

  16. Bonsaimum: He he. I'm working on it!

  17. I have always thought of you as a bit of a sweetie

  18. John: Thank you! I think you're a bit of a sweetie too....

  19. A pic of you in your heels please?!!!!

  20. Suburbia: I'm working on it! Don't you think all these men in suits would look much more dashing if they were also in heels?

  21. Yes, you do sound quite practically perfect!

  22. Hahahaaha!! I love the last one. Now you know, we DO need to see a picture. ;)