Saturday, 3 March 2012

Debt crisis

Are you as confused as I am about the Greek debt crisis? Are you struggling to make sense of it? Can you tell your junk bonds from your derivative instruments? Would you recognise a promissory note if you saw one?

No, I thought you wouldn't. Well, you can relax now, you're in good company. Nobody knows what the fuck's going on except a few hotshot economists (round about twelve) who have a vague idea of what's what. The rest of us are about as clued-up as a monkey with a hangover.

Still, having racked my brain for a while, I think the gist of what's happening is this:

1) The Greeks have been very naughty boys and girls
2) They've been given a jolly good ticking-off
3) They've been told to behave themselves or else
4) We'll be keeping a very close eye on them
5) So they'd better not try anything funny
6) We've confiscated all their pocket money
7) They can't have any sweeties for a very long time
8) They've been very naughty boys and girls
9) Just what do they think they're playing at?
10) They should be ashamed of themselves

There you are, not so hard is it? If you just collect up all those tricky words like guaranteed collateral and leveraged buyouts and flush them down the toilet, you'll feel ever so much better. If you realise there aren't really any debts anywhere, just rows of figures and bits of paper, you'll feel on top of the world.

Now help yourself to some olives, a few grapes and a jug or two of ouzo and, believe me, the Greek debt crisis will soon be of no importance whatever. Abracadabra!


  1. Thanks Nick. Now I can relax and enjoy my weekend nibbles and booze!

  2. LOL, Nick. This answers a lot of my questions!

  3. Grannymar - Excellent, another satisfied customer! See what wonderful peace of mind I've so easily induced?

    Bijoux - What do you mean a lot? Which ones haven't I answered? Any more awkwardness from you and I'll clobber you with some leveraged collateral.

  4. Nick, you should be in Brussels.

  5. Ramana - Eek, no , not Brussels, spare me! Just the thought of wading through all that paperwork and bureaucracy....

  6. Clear as a bell Nick, thanks!

    Pass the olives would you?

  7. Suburbia - Pleased to have been of service! If Bijoux will just stop hogging all the olives, there might be some left for you....

    Have you had plenty of ouzo? Can I top you up?

  8. Thanks for that explanation. I admit I was struggling with it a bit, in a desultory kind of way. Put it this way; every so often an Italian friend mentions it (I think they're secretly quite enjoying seeing someone worse off than themselves) and I have to pay it some fleeting attention and I have been totally unable to understand just how they got into this mess and what they're planning to do about it.

    So now I know. They've been naughty boys and girls and can't have any sweeties till the year 2015. Pass the grapes!

  9. i suspected that was the explanation all along

  10. Jay - It's easy when you know how isn't it? But how come Italy also has colossal debts but isn't in the same mess as Greece? Pass the ouzo, I think I need another glass....

    Myra - It's so obvious really. It's funny that the media keep missing it.

  11. I can't understand the financial problems in my own country, I am sure not trying to decipher those of Greece.

  12. ....and they're not alone - just watch all the rest of us bystanders join them in the naughty games....

  13. Agent - As soon as you understand one bit of the equation, another bit changes. Trying to understand the whole picture is an impossible task.

    www - This is it, everyone's playing naughty games. How come some countries are being clobbered for it but others aren't?

  14. Plenty of ouzo left. Anyone for a top-up?

  15. hahaha this is so true. um ... now there's the new headline "debt swap" to be super confounded about?

  16. Ruby - Yes, debt swaps. Another mysterious concept. If we all swap our debts, aren't we just back where we started - in debt?