Tuesday, 17 January 2012

Bad dreams

I have a problem. It's my dreams. They're not what I expect them to be. They're seriously dysfunctional. They're totally out to lunch.

What I want my dreams to consist of:

1) Glimpses of paradise
2) Sun-kissed oceans
3) Snow-clad mountain peaks
4) Golden beaches
5) Tropical islands
6) Lush rain forests

What they actually consist of:
1) Missing the last bus
2) Losing my way
3) My house collapsing
4) My teeth falling out
5) The car exploding
6) Being chased by a shadowy figure through a derelict building

I've put in an official complaint. This simply isn't good enough. The price I pay for my annual dream package is astronomical, and then I don't even get what I signed up for. I don't even get the requested number of dreams per night. I'm supposed to have a hundred and it's more like half a dozen. And then they're in black and white instead of colour. What do you have to do to get a decent service, eh? I might as well not dream at all.

Now there's an idea....


  1. What are dreams? Oh wait now.... I suppose you need to go to sleep first. That is where I was going wrong!

  2. I will express post some of mine right away, technicolour, interesting plots and never boring.

  3. Grannymar - I thought you said you were getting a proper night's sleep now....

    www - I look forward to that. Sounds like a great improvement on the dismal dreams I'm lumbered with.

  4. I have that one about my teeth falling out too. And another recurring dream is that I'm being attacked by a pride of lions.

  5. Guess you are behind on your dream bill.

  6. I'd send you some of mine but lately, they've been stranger than what you've indicated here...I do hope your dreams and mine sweeten up.

  7. I used to get a variation of no.6 - but it was a group of them - and often out the window and over rooftops.
    Eventually I realised neither of us were getting anywhere - neither the pursued nor the pursuers and that was that.
    (However, I am getting nightmares about your word verification for leaving comments.)

  8. I think you'd better stop eating cheese before bed! I drop babies and drive dangerously close to cliff edges!

  9. Myra - Attacked by a pride of lions? I hope that's a bit of friendly rough and tumble and not grub's-up.

    Meno - Ooh, you might be right. Just checking my recent payments....

    e - Sorry to hear you have the same dismal parade. I don't think there's any cure for mine short of brain surgery or senility.

    Blackwater - That's remarkable that a bit of reason did the trick. I thought the essence of dreams was their irrationality.

    Baino - I never eat cheese before bed! Have you ever done those things in real life?

  10. Blackwater - Nightmares about word-check? How come? I had to introduce the word-check after I was hit by a spate of spammers....

  11. arhhh.....the gallop all"middle aged "men always seem to have down the anixiety dreams about approaching death, lost virility and too big a mortgage!!
    welcome to the club

  12. i rarely dream but i have middle of the night panics about silly things....but i fancy i have told that story before

    i have dreamed of lion attack in the past and it was a recurring dream

    these days my dreams are of the daylight variety and i'm not sure thats a good thing!

  13. From the time I learnt about Jung writing down all his dreams as a method to go deep within himself, I have tried to recollect my dreams. While I often wake up from bad dreams, for the world of it, I can't recall the dreams at all. May be I am a freak or something like that, but this has been one of my grouses!

  14. John - Approaching death, lost virility and too big a mortgage? Maybe the first two, but not the mortgage, which is miniscule.

    Kylie - More lion attacks? Blimey, is this a girl thing? Nothing wrong with daydreams as long as they don't interfere with something vital....

    Ramana - Lots of people are unable to remember their dreams. Bearing in mind what I dream about, instant amnesia might be an advantage in my case.

  15. What sensible dreams you have! I often wonder what could possibly have triggered the illogical mania of mine.

  16. Liz - The happy pills??

  17. I usually have interesting dreams that range from idyllic to horrific. But rarely dull. So I guess there's that.

  18. Agent - The whole spectrum would at least be better than the merely frightening.

  19. Just forge ahead your dreams are getting in the way

  20. Wheatgerm - They don't actually get in the way of the rest of my life. They're just a bad experience I could do without.

  21. Nick, top marks to you for even mentioning your dreams. For reasons I can't quite fathom a lot of men are rather reluctant to even admit to dreaming, never mind relating their content. However, please do be careful what you wish for:

    1) Glimpses of paradise - there might be a snake; no Jenny and an apple to compensate
    2) Sun-kissed oceans - you can't swim
    3) Snow-clad mountain peaks - to match your fear of heights, rendering you unable to move
    4) Golden beaches - you are still being chased by a dark shadowy figure
    5) Tropical islands - there is no public transport (at least there is no bus to miss)
    6) Lush rain forests - you left your umbrella at home. No, Nick, you have just woken up in a cold sweat.

    May the god of dreams smile upon you tonight,

  22. Ursula - I guess many men don't admit to their dreams because they're personal and intimate, and you know how terrified men can be of personal and intimate.

    An interesting dose of realism there. However - I can swim, I'm not afraid of heights, and I wouldn't enter paradise without Jenny being allowed in also.

    I wake up in a cold sweat often enough though. Convinced some awful disaster is about to overtake me. It never does, but that makes no difference.

  23. Nick, I didn't manage to convey my meaning: I am sure you can swim, and if you are not afraid of heights good on you. Take me up the Eiffel tower and I (almost) wish I'd never come to Paris.

    I was referring to your "dreams" not your "real" life. Since a lot of dreams, indeed yours, reflect our deep down anxieties you may find yourself in your "dream setting" and still be caught in a terrible situation (in your dreams). By way of example: I am the world's most organised person. Guess what: One of my (persistent) serial dreams that not only do I not manage to pack everything before the train or any other means of transport leave. Oh, no, there is always more baggage/luggage than is humanly possible to carry/stow away. Textbook nightmares. Just like yours.


  24. Ursula - Ah, but the whole point of my imagined perfect dreams is that disasters and chronic anxieties are firmly excluded. I don't want to know about unpacked luggage or exploding cars or other such calamities. I have in the past had such perfect, calamity-free dreams, but alas they have now been rudely pushed aside by their neurotic siblings.

  25. Ahahahahahah!!! Wonderful!!

    I think you need to join the queue to complain about this one. It's that one over there, and over there, and over there - yeah, it goes around the block a few times.

    Your dreams sound like classical anxiety dreams. And I would recommend learning lucid dreaming - that way you can have your snow-clad mountains, and lush rainforests, and sun-kissed oceans, at least some of the time!

  26. Jay - I think bad and weird dreams of this sort are much more common than people let on. I guess many people (like me) find them rather embarrassing and don't talk about them much. Never heard of lucid dreaming, I must look into that.