I think the answer has to be - don't judge by appearances.
And that means not just people, but what I read, what I see around me, what others tell me. Whatever the outward appearance, there's always a lot more going on than meets the eye. There are hidden agendas, personal secrets, crippling traumas, grand ambitions. All sorts of things that lurk behind what's immediately visible.
I try not to judge by appearances, but it's so easy to do, especially when all around me people are doing just that, as if it's perfectly normal behaviour.
We judge people by their colour, their accent, their clothing, their sex, where they live, what job they do, what paper they read - a dozen things that can give us a completely false impression of who they are.
Someone can look blissfully happy and fulfilled when underneath they find their life totally frustrating and soul-destroying. Someone can look desperately poor in their shabby, worn-out clothes, when in reality they're worth millions.
I'm constantly surprised by something a person happens to reveal, something quite at odds with what I thought I knew about them, and I realise I've completely misjudged them all along.
I'm often misjudged myself, given all sorts of traits I've never had, like smugness, aloofness, condescension and stubbornness. but we like to pin people down, don't we? Oh yes, she's this and she's that, you only have to look at her....
There are plenty of people who look like saints and turn out to be mass murderers. And vice versa.
First impressions are real! Even personality-wise, I’ve found that people are sometimes much nicer than they first seem when I’ve met them.
ReplyDeleteBijoux: That's often the case. And vice versa of course.
DeleteYour comment about people looking desperately poor was spot on for a pair of brothers who help with my hay delivery. They look like they live under a bridge. In property alone they are worth several million dollars. This for me was a lesson on not judging by appearance.
ReplyDeleteSandra: I think wealthy individuals often dress down deliberately and avoid signs of wealth to deter money-chasers.
DeleteOr the way they got wealthy was by not spending money on non-essentials.
DeleteLinda
Linda: I don't think you get wealthy by spurning non-essentials. I think most wealth is either inherited or gained from senior corporate positions - fat salaries, dividends, share options, huge pensions etc.
DeleteOr you create something that turns out to be popular. Those creative people tend to not care about their looks.
DeleteLinda
Linda: That's true. If you produce something that becomes widely popular (like Harry Potter), you can become extremely wealthy.
DeleteI remember how insulted I was when a coworker lumped me in with a certain political party (the total opposite of my actual beliefs) because I "seemed like the type."
ReplyDeleteDanielle: How ridiculous! What on earth was the "type" he was thinking of?
DeleteWhen in France I dressed pretty casually - a relief after formal dress for work - and I called in to an insurance office to arrange for contents insurance. The chap came out, did a double take at the house and did the tour. Over coffee he said 'I didn't think you'd have much worth insuring....you don't dress like it.'
ReplyDeleteFly: We have a 10 year old Renault Clio in our front yard, which no doubt suggests to some people that we haven't got much money. They would be wrong.
DeleteI learned never to judge. As a kid my father took me on errands & stopped at Cousuto brothers. They were big burly men who paved roads. They were big, dirty & quite loud. When we were leaving my father asked me what I thought of them. I said the were dirty & smelled bad. I figured those 2 didn't have 2 nickels between them. It was then he told me that those were 2 of the most wealthy men in our area. Both were college educated & both successful business men. He told me never judge someone by the way they look. Find out before passing any judgement.
ReplyDeletePaula: Your father gave you wise advice. Certainly the way someone dresses is no guide at all to how much money they have or the rest of their personal life.
DeleteMy rule is never judge others by their outsides. Their insides will tell you the story. It has never failed me.
ReplyDeleteThey always tell you who they are by how they treat others on first meeting.
XO
WWW
www: Very true. How someone treats other people is always revealing.
DeleteYep, it's tough out there to know what's really going on with people.
ReplyDeleteI think we jump to judgements to keep ourselves safe, and it's good to be aware that these judgements can be way off the mark.
Sx
Ms Scarlet: I think people feel more comfortable if they can instantly sum someone up rather than waiting for them to reveal themselves.
DeleteThis post was right on, Nick, because we are humans often have a tendency, dare I say human nature?, to pre-judge others and I surely have also been guilty of doing so and would not pretend to be innocent.
ReplyDeleteThere are those people who purposely downplay their status in life, when others overplay to the hilt. And sometimes we humans are capable of not knowing the difference.
Beatrice: You're right about people downplaying or overplaying their status. And there's no way of knowing that unless by chance you happen to discover the truth.
Delete