Well, suppose we look at it another way. Suppose we say the problem's not being set in your ways but what ways you're set in.
If the ways you're set in happen to be positive and sensible - progressive politics, open-mindedness, generosity, kindness, respect for others, supporting the vulnerable - what's wrong with that? Let's have more of it.
But if the ways you're set in aren't so positive - drunkenness, misogyny, narcissism, bullying - then yes, that's not so attractive and you need to change.
If being set in your ways means having firm principles that are of benefit to yourself and others, surely that can only be welcomed. If the alternative is not having any firm principles but simply following the latest trend or doing and saying anything that's convenient, what good is that?
In any case, whatever our age, the reality is we're all set in our ways. We're just set in different ways. Oldies may believe in good manners and thriftiness, but the young may be equally fixated on their own little habits - clubbing, recreational drugs, alcohol, smart phones. They just don't see it as being set in their ways.
I don't mind admitting I'm very intransigent when it comes to treating other people decently and making our society more egalitarian. I don't see any problem with that. I'm not going to chuck all my entrenched beliefs out of the window just because they're not fashionable right now. I'm set in my ways and happily so.
I plead guilty too.
ReplyDeleteRamana: Guilty to what? Being set in your ways?
DeleteYes and also for being unapologetic about it.
DeleteRamana: Indeed, there's nothing to apologise for.
DeleteBy this age, I’ve tried enough things to know what I like best, so why mix it up?
ReplyDeleteBijoux: Indeed. Why should you change what you enjoy doing, in order to follow some fleeting trend?
DeleteI see that in all those around me, living where I am so I'm afraid I'm with the young on that perception as those oldies are in the majority. It's terribly sad and the "died at 65, buried at 85" applies to, guessing here, 90%.
ReplyDeleteThey are entrenched in appalling behaviors/opinions, not least of which are racism and misogyyny and completely false nostalgia for the good old days when men were men and women knew their place.
XO
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www: I'm sorry to hear that. It's odd how some people's negative opinions are permanently frozen, totally resistant to any more charitable alternative.
DeleteWe live in a senior community where we were among the youngest when we moved in shortly before turning 70. Most of our neighbors are VERY active and support a variety of causes. If they represent oldies being set in their ways I wish more younger ones would emulate them.
ReplyDeleteLinda: That's a bit more encouraging! Sounds like your neighbours are very much alive and kicking and doing all sorts of interesting things.
DeleteI have never cared for the 'group herd' mentality.
ReplyDeleteindividuals are so much more interesting! and one can be set in their ways at Any age! just mainly ... live and let live. lol. eh wot?
Tammy: It's amusing when the set-in-their-ways young complain about the set-in-their-ways oldies. Agreed, live and let live, what's age got to do with it?
DeleteI'm not set in my ways. I am just right, all of the time.
ReplyDeleteBeing set in your ways is more a personality trait in my opinion. I do think we get habits and experience that makes us feel a certain way. And we get righter and righter as we get more mature.
Sorry, I couldn't help but josh about the topic. Being too controlling indicates dementia and mental illness in my experience. But there is nothing wrong with having a preference on how to do things. What I have noticed is we all develop a tolerance for others as we age.
Ann: I think you're right that in general we get more tolerant as we age (with a few conspicuous exceptions of course). We increasingly realise the struggles others are going through and we become more compassionate.
DeleteI still do a few teenager type things - like trying new make-up; hairstyles; etc. and I still try to form good habits, and try different foods.
ReplyDeleteBut, with behaviour I always try to be kind and thoughtful - and I was taught that in Primary School - so yes, I can be stuck in my ways.
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Ms Scarlet: If being stuck in your ways means you try to be kind and thoughtful, how can anyone object to that?
DeleteI have been known to be set in my ways but I can change also.
ReplyDeleteMary: Well, like I said, if those ways are positive and life-enhancing, why shouldn't you hang on to them?
DeleteI think the major traits you are talking about are value systems (misogynist or not, thrifty or not) and most people don't change their values very much throughout life.
ReplyDeleteMy mum can barely walk these days and when she does, she relies on dad to help and while dad is healthy he isn't young any more. We recently had council elections and despite the fact that online voting is now available, postal voting has been available for decades and pre-poll voting is also available for people with a good reason, Mum chose to walk to the polling booth. She was then too exhausted to do anything for the rest of the day. This kind of behaviour is what I regard as oldies being stuck in their ways. It's dangerous, inflexible and frankly unintelligent.
Then there was the 90nyear old I knew who refused to use a phone, any phone, despite the fact that it would have broadened her world and given her social contact she craved.
Be careful with your attitude to this, Nick. Intransigence isn't usually a great thing
Kylie: Well, thanks for that very thoughtful response. As you say, insisting on walking to the polling station even though you can barely walk is just stubborn and foolish. Likewise refusing to have any kind of phone. My mum never had a computer or a mobile phone and in her last few years wouldn't even answer her landline for fear of scammers. She completely lost touch with a number of longstanding friends. I agree intransigence can be a big disadvantage if it stops you doing something more sensible and practical.
DeleteI'm set in my ways, but I think that's down to getting older and having done things in a certain way for many years. I would like to think that I am also open minded to other ways.
ReplyDeletePolly: I think I do things in a certain way if there's no good reason to do them differently. If there is, I can change very quickly.
DeleteI think we may evolve through various different "ways" and find what seems to work for us through the years so probably do become set with some things, or at least I'm sure I have. I also think I'm open to letting go of some ways IF I can see the positive aspects for doing so.
ReplyDeleteJoared: Indeed, we've developed the habits that work well for us so why give them up unless there's a good reason to do so?
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