A quarter of people polled on the subject admitted to sibling rivalry. They confessed to competing over just about everything - their careers, their homes, their cars, their holidays, their education, their cooking skills and, naturally, who their parents like best.
Well, I'm relieved to say my sister and I have never been prone to sibling rivalry. Our relationship has always been amicable, reasonable and non-competitive. We've both lived our lives as we wanted and we haven't spent a second comparing our different "score cards". We've never been jealous of the other's achievements, or gloating at their failures.
We were never bothered about who our parents liked best. Clearly my father, and possibly my mother, preferred my sister, but so what? It didn't stop me getting on with my life.
What motivates siblings to compete with each other anyway? Why are they desperate to be top dog and always one step ahead of the other? I really don't know, but I suppose if parents are the competitive type, that can get passed on to their children. Luckily our parents weren't in the least competitive.
But if your relationship with your sibling is the longest relationship you'll ever have, then constantly competing with each other will spoil your life in a big way.
And there's no easy fix, because siblings are bound to each other for life. You can't divorce them, you can't simply dump them. Somehow you have to find a modus operandi.
Just try to stop quibbling with your sibling.
No siblings,thank goodness! Heartily glad of that when visiting friends as a child and watching the spats and sulking going on.
ReplyDeleteLeo has two and a half and has dumped the lot.
Fly: Spats and sulking, eh? Sounds like some serious rivalry going on there.
DeleteMy brother and I don’t communicate much, but it has nothing to do with sibling rivalry. My husband’s oldest sister has resented him since he was born. She’s a real wackadoodle.
ReplyDeleteBijoux: That's a pretty long-standing grievance. What's that all about? I love the word wackadoodle, not a word we use here.
DeleteMy sister has always been competitive with me - (she's dead now) I never could understand it. I was the simple one and she was the one who had to have everything - she married 4 rich husband but was still competing against me. Sad really. I did love her but mostly as my little sister - not as she was when she was grown up.
ReplyDeleteMy mom was competitive - so that must have been why plus she always pitted us against each other.
They are all gone now and sad to say, my life is peaceful and I can do what I want without having to constantly lookover my shoulder. Interesting post that really spoke out to me.
Debby: Weird that your sister married four rich husbands and still felt the need to compete with you. Yes, it must feel good to be free of that persistent pressure.
DeleteThere were four of us, and the rivalry was between the last two.
ReplyDeleteJoanne: I wonder why they were like that but the other two of you weren't?
DeleteI never felt a rivalry with my brothers. Maybe because I was the only girl so expectations of me were different? Or maybe because our parents didn't pay enough attention to any of us to get rewarded for being "best"?
ReplyDeleteLinda: I guess expectations would be very different for a girl, especially at a time when there were much greater gender divisions when it came to future prospects.
DeleteAs a girl with 4 brothers and the eldest, it was very difficult for me to see the advantages bestowed on them in the patriarchal system I grew up in. I recognise it wasn't them but the brainwashing. But I find it particularly in dealing with one of my brothers. Who has misogyny running through his blood and snidely accuses me of being "one of those feminist types". Well, duh.
ReplyDeleteBut we have a family zoom every Sunday aft since Covid and that says a lot about how hard we are all trying.
XO
WWW
www: Blimey, one of those feminist types, whatever next? Yes, good that you're all trying to maintain contact despite your differences.
DeleteFamiliarity breeds contempt? is a wild guess. Sibling rivalry is so sad, and we have it in my family to a small degree.
ReplyDeleteOf course I am perfect and I don't why the others don't agree. But they think I am bossy. I had a childhood friend's younger sister to stay with my family while I went to Dallas, Texas about two years ago. I grasped the angst of the younger kids being bossed. This is truly funny when everyone is in their 60s and 70s.
I will say, losing two of my brothers has made me more patient with the entire world.
Ann: Most people are bossy to some extent. I doubt if you're exceptional. Anyone with strong opinions on how things should be done can be seen as a bossy cow!
DeleteI am the eldest of four siblings and have never experienced any kind of sibling rivalry.
ReplyDeleteRamana: Lucky you. A very nice situation to be in.
DeleteI have a sister and 4 brothers. I'm only close with my younger brother but we never really had a sibling rivalry.
ReplyDeleteMary: A shame that out of the six of you you're only close to one brother.
DeleteWell.... it's complicated.
ReplyDeleteI think I won.
Sx
Ms Scarlet: But isn't saying you won just more competitiveness?
DeleteI have 8 sibs. (Well, 6 still living.) And of course we fussed as children, but we all get along now and I wouldn't trade them for anything. With that many, though, there are some I'm closer to.
ReplyDeleteAgent: Good that you all get on okay, even though there are so many of you.
DeleteMy bro was ten years older than me, teased me when he was a teen and could push all my buttons, but I don't think we have ever been competitive that I know of. He really looked after me when we were older, especially when I was single.
ReplyDeleteJoared: That sounds like a good relationship. He knew you well but wasn't competitive.
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