I can talk easily enough in small groups, when I know all the people present very well. I was a trade union rep for several years and I had no problem chairing meetings, bringing up topics and getting people to make decisions. With only a handful of people scrutinising me, it wasn't too scary.
But large groups are a different matter. I've never had the nerve to make a speech at a marriage, a birthday party, a farewell do or a funeral. All those dozens of eyes in my direction would paralyse me. Not to mention the stress of writing the speech - wondering what would be appropriate, or flattering, or amusing, or what on the other hand might go down like a lead balloon and insult half the assembled company.
Even the need to make a short speech at work thanking people for a leaving present was enough to cause deep embarrassment as I tried frantically to cobble together a few pertinent comments without looking like a total halfwit.
In public meetings, I see plenty of people sounding off, clearly confident they have something very valid to say, while I'm sitting there in silence, not at all convinced it's worth opening my mouth in the face of much more informed and original opinions than my own.
Those meetings where a circle of attendees are asked to introduce themselves are also quite excruciating because I'm sure whatever I say is bound to seem trivial and pointless rather than interesting or heart-warming.
A witty speech is called for? Don't look at me....
I'm not keen either. I recently presented a workshop over Zoom, and that, surprisingly, was even worse! Thankfully everyone was very kind. Over Zoom the audience is completely muted so it's like you're talking to yourself - very strange.
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Ms Scarlet: Talking to myself would be a very odd experience. Luckily being retired I've never had to use Zoom. It seems to be generally disliked by most of its users.
DeleteI was president of a non-profit school organization, so I got used to speaking in front of an audience. I don’t think I’ve ever been in front of more than 60 people, but I’m guessing it’s not that much different? My husband is a natural at public speaking and has an amazing ability to make people laugh as well. It’s what attracted me to him in the first place.
ReplyDeleteBijoux: Jenny is well accustomed to public speaking as she used to be a university lecturer. I guess if my job had required public speaking I would have got in the swing of it somehow. The ability to make people laugh is a great gift.
DeleteWe were taught the techniques at school....obviously they had high expectations of us!
ReplyDeleteI did not find it difficult or worrying - probably just because we had been taught how to do it.
Fly: I guess if you've been taught how to do it and learnt a few useful techniques, that gives you a good head-start. It wasn't on the curriculum at my school!
DeleteI remember debate societies and singing in competitions when a teenager and being paralyzed by fear (literally knees knocking) and a teacher whom I totally respected told me to "feel the fear and do it anyway". Best advice ever and I learned how to haul out self-deprecating jokes when I speak publicly which always relaxes both me and the audience. But I always feel the frissons of fear.
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www: "Feel the fear and do it anyway" is a principle I often follow. There are lots of things I find scary but I know I would get something out of them so I psych myself up and just do them.
DeleteI hate being in large crowds but speaking in public not as much
ReplyDeleteAdam: I quite like being in large crowds. They make me feel cosy. As long as they're not aggressive crowds.
DeleteI have made few public speeches in my life and those were only on topics where I felt I had something worth sharing. Even those made me nervous but I did them anyway. I have done a few magic shows in front of large groups, also, and I felt fairly confident during those. Maybe because I started doing those so young (assisting my mom) that I didn't yet know I was supposed to be afraid.
ReplyDeleteLinda: It must make a big difference if you've done some public speaking (or just public performance) as a kid and you've got used to it. Magic shows, huh? Intriguing.
DeleteAs the only woman executive in a large male dominated company, I made sure I was heard, especially over one misogynistic man who tried to dominate my speech.
ReplyDeleteJoanne: Good for you. I've been to so many meetings where a bunch of men do their best to dominate the proceedings.
DeleteIf you're happy the way you are there's no need to change.
ReplyDeleteJean: I'm very happy the way I am. I don't feel I'm missing anything by avoiding public speeches.
DeleteMaking a speech to a large group was one of the most challenging activities I had when young. When I could speak about a familiar subject and one in which I was enthusiastically invested I enjoyed speaking as I grew older. Engaging with others leading small group meetings or just participating was never a problem.
ReplyDeleteJoared: Yes, speaking on a familiar subject makes it easier. Oils the wheels, as it were.
DeleteI am surprised at your confession. Particularly after your background of Union Leadership and chairing meetings.
ReplyDeleteI have had no problems with speech making even to large crowds. Perhaps it is due to the training that I received in Business School class participation.
Ramana: Well, as I said, the union meetings only involved a dozen people at most, so chairing the meetings was easy. Large crowds I have no experience of.
DeleteI have never liked public speaking which I have had to do on several occasions. The more you do, the better you are I guess. I'll never know, I avoid public speaking it if at all possible.
ReplyDeleteAnn: I'm sure that's true, that practice makes perfect. If I'd had a job where public speaking was an essential skill, I'd have had to acquire it.
ReplyDeleteIt makes me a little anxious, but I've had to get used to it from teaching university classes. I also used to have to run staff meetings when I was the Operations Director at a big mental health center, another all-eyes-on-you kind of speaking.
ReplyDeleteAgent: Clearly if you do it a lot you get used to it - like most things in life.
DeleteI've made numerous speeches: two eulogies in the past few years, a speech at my birthday this year, a speech at mum and dads 50th anniversary and a farewell for a church friend who was moving away. I suffer awful nerves but I like the process of figuring out what I want to say.
ReplyDeleteI thought my speech at mum and das anniversary was good but mum told me i gilded the lily! Remind me not to bother with her eulogy :)
Small meetings are another thing, I usually struggle to be heard, which is less about my presentation and more about my status. I have been deliberately humiliated in meetings at work in the past so now I keep quiet.
The good thing about big speeches is that one is usually asked to do it, by someone who wants to hear what one has to say. It's a sure path to success
Kylie: You're clearly a veteran of public speaking despite the awful nerves! There were no eulogies at my parents' funerals so I didn't have to worry about that. Good point about being asked to make a speech.
DeleteI feel the same way. I don't like public speaking at all.
ReplyDeleteMary: I don't know why the idea of it is so nerve-racking, but it is.
DeleteMy forum is my keyboard... I recently refused to be interviewed by a Little Rock television station on a topic I am very familiar with. That's not exactly public speaking, but it was something I would have been very uncomfortable doing. We had someone else do it.
ReplyDeletePublic speaking... I was a classroom and simulator instructor beginning in 1983 and ending December 20, 2017. The key for me was knowledge of my material and credibility with my students. Most of my classes were relatively small, but I have had audiences of 50 or more. Once I was the lead-off act for a lecture series that all supervisors and managers had to attend -- we had a lot of those at a nuclear plant with a work force of over 1000. The other lecturers were the VP and other managers. I was the only one that made it to every session, the others all had other people fill in for them.
I was running a program once when one of the instructors came to me before his very first class and told me he couldn't do it. We postponed the class. He was later able to do it and continued on as an instructor for many years.
Mike: I think a TV interview is definitely public speaking, because it's going out potentially to thousands of people.
DeleteKnowledge of the material and credibility are both very important, I'm sure. And giving lectures for 34 years is quite something.
Good that the reluctant instructor managed to get over his beginner's nerves and carry on with the lectures.
I have never been able to speak in large groups myself. I much prefer the pen, and now computer, to say things and express myself. So you are not alone, Nick.
ReplyDeleteBeatrice: Always good to know there are others who feel the same way!
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