Suspecting her husband of infidelity, Karen Santi opened one of his paper bank statements, read messages on his computer, and sent some of the information to a financial advisor.
It seems she didn't find any evidence of an affair, and her furious husband Lawrence retaliated by seeking a court non-disclosure order to stop her passing the information to anyone else.
The divorce case is continuing, but meanwhile Mrs Santi has been told to pay £54,000 of her husband's £90,000 legal costs, a sum she says will "wipe out her liquid assets".
She maintained that looking at the confidential information of the other in the context of a marriage breakdown was understandable.
Well, this situation would never arise for me and Jenny, because all our financial transactions are on joint accounts and neither of us have individual accounts. Whatever one of us spends is immediately visible to the other.
I can see the £100 she paid for that fancy handbag and she can see the £100 I spent on Calvin Klein underpants (just kidding).
So if one of us was shagging someone else, it would be obvious pretty quickly - that unexplained hotel bill or that purchase from Posh Frocks.
But if we had separate accounts, would I feel justified in having a furtive peek at my spouse's bank statements? If I suspected a clandestine affair, maybe I would. But I'd be more cunning about it and not leave any traces of my nosiness.
Not that either of us has any hankering for affairs. We have much more interesting and guilt-free ways of enjoying ourselves.
Karen Santi is paying a high price for her suspicions.
Pic: Karen Santi
We have joint accounts, so no problem, but I don't go nosing among Leo's papers and he doesn't peer into my purse - probably as well, as he might let the moths out.
ReplyDeleteFly: Some clear boundaries there, no scope for shenanigans!
DeleteWhen I was married we had a joint account and our own accounts
ReplyDeleteI would never think of prying
However my husband had large debts from time to time and money was never discussed
Very unhealthy
John: There seem to be a lot of men who keep large debts hidden from their partner. I guess they're too embarrassed to admit their failings.
DeleteHello Nick,
ReplyDeleteWhat a moral maze you are leading us into here.
Joint accounts all round here so financial fidelity is the order of the day. But, it does make buying the surprise gift problematic.
A little mystery in marriage keeps it alive. Forty years and counting....it quick]y adds up!
Jane and Lance: Yes, not much chance of a surprise gift when the spending is right there in the account book or the bank statement. Which is why Jenny and I choose our presents in advance.
DeleteTrust in a relationship? Without trust, what relationship?
ReplyDeleteLinda: Indeed, trust is the most important thing in a relationship. It must be awful if your partner is a slippery character you're never quite sure of.
DeleteWe had joint and separate in my marriage, way ahead of its time then. I do believe in financial independence for women (you would not believe the financial devastation and counselling I have done for many). Always have the escape money. Nothing is guaranteed and if you have financial secrets keep them to yourself. And I would never pry.
ReplyDeleteXO
WWW
www: Neither of us have an escape fund. We must trust each other to an unusual degree!
DeleteIt has been so many years since I was married that I have little to add, except, always have escape money.
ReplyDeleteJoanne: We're clearly outliers with our lack of escape funds. But I guess after nigh-on 40 years of not needing any, we're confident we won't need any in the future.
DeleteThe story was rather confusing. I don’t understand what she ‘uncovered’ that would make him so angry. And the article said it’s unlawful to access your spouse’s accounts, which I’m wondering about. She obviously had his passwords. Rich people problems🙄
ReplyDeleteBijoux: You're right, there are several unanswered questions here. I don't think it was a question of what he uncovered, just that he felt threatened by her probing. And yes, how did she come by his password?
DeleteWe have everything in both our names, and I handle the finances so no problems.
ReplyDeleteJean: And I'm sure you're both totally trustworthy and not up to any mischief!
DeleteJoint and separate here. The escape fund gets a little drained sometimes [shoes, Estee Lauder etc].
ReplyDeleteSx
Ms Scarlet: Jenny buys exactly what she wants to buy. No need for an escape fund!
DeleteI haven't come across any similar stories over here. In my personal life, since I was hardly at home on a travelling job, my late wife managed all our finances and our joint account was an open book to her. After she fell ill, I had to manage everything but, now in total retirement, I hardly spend anything and the household runs on my son's finances. Since he is my sole heir and our bank accounts are jointly held by both of us, he has access to my accounts while I don't need to access his.
ReplyDeleteRamana: That's a very healthy arrangement. But my mother would never have trusted me with joint access to her bank accounts. I think she was always frightened all her money would mysteriously vanish.
DeleteMy father-in-law put his daughter on his accounts when he had a stroke. The unplanned benefit of that was they were already hers when he died so escaped the estate tax hit. Since they had already discussed his plans she simply divvied up the money according to his guidelines and we all got our share. I have named her as my executor if Dave dies before I do since she has already proved trustworthy. She now has all our passwords and lists of our assets. It's nice to not worry about those things any more.
DeleteLinda: That's another healthy arrangement. Passing on as much money as possible while you're still alive and reducing a massive tax bill is just common sense.
DeleteKen and I had personal accounts and a joint account. But I did all the paperwork, paid all the bills ect...so we never had any problems keeping anything like that from each other. He knew all my passwords and I knew his.
ReplyDeleteWhen my mom got sick she added me to her bank account so it was easy for me to close out the account when she passed away. My brothers were surprised to find out we had a joint account. lol
Mary: As I said to Ramana, my mum never trusted me with access to her bank accounts. She was a bit paranoid about money.
DeleteMy mom once agreed to let Dave and I come consult on her finances. When we got there (an 18 hour drive each way) she refused to share anything. She finally admitted she only agreed so we would come visit!
DeleteLinda: That's outrageous! To get you to drive all that way and then give you nothing in return.
DeleteWhen you are married, your assets are joint assets. I don't think you should even have the right to keep finances secret. We have full transparency in our marriage, although I handle all the finances (because I'm better at it).
ReplyDeleteAgent: I agree, finances should be completely shared and transparent, though I didn't always think that. Jenny had to convince me very early on that a joint account was a good idea.
DeleteMy husband and I kept our personal accounts from when we were single but added the other in the event there could be a need to access so we had no financial secrets. We didn't mind looking at each others accounts but don't recall that either of us ever bothered to do so, unless something might have come up when we prepared out joint income tax form yearly. I recall pulling my stuff together from my account and giving to him as he always prepared our tax forms. We discussed what was needed, I reviewed the completed form and signed.
ReplyDeleteJoared: No mysterious secrets there then. Which is as it should be.
Delete