The jury seems to be out. Some people say, yes of course oldies can have crushes. We haven't become so stony-hearted and emotionally tepid that such reactions are no longer possible.
But others maintain that oldies are much too savvy for such flights of fancy, much too level-headed. We see people exactly as they are and not through rose-tinted spectacles.
I was never a crush-prone individual, so I can't really say one way or the other. I think crushes have to involve idealising the other person, and I was never one for idealising people. I can only recall two serious crushes in my lifetime, and the second one was extremely fleeting.
The first was a server at a London restaurant I used to lunch at every day - The Stockpot near Trafalgar Square. In my late twenties at the time, I was smitten by her distinctive way of walking and her enormous self-confidence. I couldn't stop thinking about her. For months on end I kept telling myself I should ask her out but somehow never had the nerve.
The second was a woman who was interested in buying our previous house, when I was 62. I can't begin to explain my extraordinary reaction. There was something about her that totally threw me. I can only describe it as electrifying. She turned me to jelly so completely I could barely maintain a conversation.
However, that crush lasted about ten minutes because I never saw her again. It wasn't so much a crush as a helpless emotional meltdown.
But some people swear they've had constant crushes throughout their lives, even into their sixties and seventies. Can that really be true?
Hmm. A recent crush came back to haunt me this year - sort of hilarious, sort of very sad.
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Ms Scarlet: Luckily mine won't come back to haunt me because we'll never run across each other again.
DeleteAll of my crushes were from before I got married.
ReplyDeleteThey are all now old ladies, nothing at all like who I was once "smitten" with, at least the couple that I have found online. Another one passed away from a debilitating heart condition, according to her sister.
A crush in these later years... can't recall any and don't foresee any.
Mike: Very true about them all being old ladies. By now my server-crush is probably an arthritic old lady with hip replacements.
DeleteI have crushes - non sexual, I should add. Just a complete fan girl. Both men and women. Where I kind of hang on every word or admire how they wear hats and or sweep into a room in a floor length coat.
ReplyDeleteLast one I haven't seen since covid but he is 30 years younger than me and a true renaissance man, actor, sculptor, writer and excellent dad to his 6 yo daughter. We have the most intense conversations and an unusual trait for a man his age, he really "sees" me. Crushes add spice.
XO
WWW
www: I've had that kind of crush too, though I would call it an adulation rather than a crush. Like my obsession with Gina (see December 2007), who seemed to be effortlessly cool and calm and knowing. But I never fancied her sexually.
DeleteI wouldn’t be able to count mine from my younger years. I’ve only had one since being married and it’s been going on for 25 years. He’s a former coworker of my spouse’s and we socialize with him and his wife a few times a year. And yes, my husband knows all about it and he totally gets it! LOL!
ReplyDeleteBijoux: That's funny that your husband knows all about it and totally gets it! Very open-minded of him. I guess some husbands would feel hurt or jealous.
DeleteI have had some serious crushes in the past. I don't know if it counts as crushes but I do take a fancy to some TV/film characters. If its in our DNA I don't think we're ever too old to have a crush now and again.
ReplyDeletePolly: I've never had a crush on a celebrity, I guess because I know their public persona is not their private persona and any crush would be based on a glossy fiction.
DeleteNot a crush exactly, but I saw Frank Finlay play Iago to Olivier's Othello on stage and his looks struck me then and continued to do so for many years.
ReplyDeleteFly: He was certainly very good-looking in his prime. Lots of crush potential!
DeleteOh, yes! Only a couple of years ago, last one. Looking forward to a new one.
ReplyDeleteJoanne: Good for you! I feel quite deprived now. When is my next crush going to appear?
DeleteI don't know. I never had one after my marriage. Not even after my wife died eleven years ago when I wsa 66.
ReplyDeleteRamana: You're even more crush-resistant than myself! But what about *before* your marriage?
DeleteI didn't have crushes. I did something about them.
DeleteRamana: Very sensible of you. Just what I should have done with the server-crush!
DeleteI recently made a laughing "confession" of a crush. I told a few workmates, there were a number of us at the table and I was very open about it so I assumed that context would tell them I had no intention of acting on it. The immediate reaction was "but he's married!!!!"
ReplyDeleteI won't do that again. I've heard about people being suspicious of single women but now I've felt it
Kylie: Talk about jumping to conclusions! Do they not understand that a crush is not necessarily sexual but is just a strong attraction to someone? And yes, I guess people are often suspicious of single woman. But married woman are just as capable of fancying someone they shouldn't!
DeleteI think I've been more intrigued by some people than actual crushes. But there were a few people that I've had crushes on.
ReplyDeleteMary: Oh, plenty of people have intrigued me but crushes are on another level entirely.
DeleteI’ve not had what I think of as crushes on other people in that I don’t obsessively long for or think about them but I definitely have had individuals to whom I’m strongly attracted for differing reasons, both male and female. If the day comes I don't experience such feelings I’ll be dead.
ReplyDeleteJoared: Crushes are certainly invigorating, but I guess anything you're passionate about or fascinated by can have the same effect.
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