Saturday, 18 April 2020

Final regrets

I was remem-bering the five major regrets people have on their deathbed, as recorded by an Australian woman who spent many years looking after dying patients.
  • "I wish I'd been true to myself, not to what others expected of me"
  • "I wish I hadn't worked so hard"
  • "I wish I'd stayed in touch with my friends"
  • "I wish I'd had the courage to express my feelings"
  • "I wish I'd let myself be happier"
If I was on my own deathbed, I wouldn't quote the first three. I've always been pretty much true to myself and resisted people's attempts to turn me into someone else.

I've never worked especially hard, and I never took a job requiring long hours and constant pressure. As for friends, I never had many to start with, but I've kept in touch with those that remain, and with my family.

But I do think I don't express my feelings enough, I suppress them and assume nobody wants to know about them. And I wish I could be more relaxed and easy-going and let myself be happier and less anxious.

There must be other regrets people mention - like not travelling more while they were fit enough to do so, not having a healthy enough lifestyle, not being very good parents, or pursuing the wrong career.

I'm not generally prone to regret. Disappointment is as far as I go. I remain disappointed for example that I didn't have a closer relationship with my mum in the years before she died. As hard as I tried to get through to her, she always kept me at a distance and never revealed very much of herself.

I'm disappointed that I have several friends in Australia who I hardly ever see because of the distance between us. Yes, we keep in touch through our blogs or Facebook pages or email, but that's never the same as face-to-face meetings. Why can't Australia be a bit nearer?

Damn geography.

32 comments:

  1. Replies
    1. John: I'm so sorry about your marriage. It all seemed to be going so well and then whap, it was all over.

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  2. I can't say that anything on the list is a regret for me. Things I regret are things that have been out of my control, like wishing we had had money when we were childless to travel. However, I do wish I had eaten better when I was younger, but again, when you're on a budget, you're not buying salmon and avocados.

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    1. Bijoux: Yes, never having enough money really restricts your life in so many ways. But I think I could do without avocados. Not to mention sun-dried tomatoes and quinoa.

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  3. My biggest regret would be not monitoring my blood pressure. After I retired in 2007, I no longer had the semi-annual checkups required for my job. About 10 years later, after experiencing shortness of breath, I learned that my heart's left ventricle had hardened and stiffened because of long term pumping against higher pressure and wasn't pumping enough oxygen from my lungs when I was under moderate exertion (walking). It's considered CHF and is limiting me in many of the things I would like to do.

    Other than that, not too many regrets on things I could have done something about.

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    1. Mike: My father would have said the same. It was only after having a stroke at age 55 that he found out that his blood pressure was way too high. In those days there wasn't the routine blood pressure monitoring there is now.

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  4. My only regret is and would be at the time of my death , having been smoker for 55 years. That has given me COPD which has restricted my lifestyle.

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    1. Ramana: My father was a light smoker, but gave up smoking after he had a stroke. He died of lung cancer at age 70.

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  5. I'm not inclined to show my feelings - except on politics, I suppose.
    I do have regrets, as do we all, and am conscious of that which I have done and that which I have left undone, but I hope that before I die I will be able to deal satisfactorily with a person who has done nothing but wish me ill since I first had the misfortune to thwart them. Mark you, given the state of the law I would probably need an international hitman!

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    1. Fly: Sorry to hear you're being plagued in this way. I hope you can find a solution.

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  6. On my deathbed I won't have any regrets. What's done is done, what is undone will stay undone, and what remains to be done remains to be done. Doesn't matter. That's the worst part of life at point of death, or so I imagine: Nothing effing matters any more.

    However, there is one niggle and has nothing to do with me whatsoever. By necessity myself being older than my son I won't be able (all things being well) to ease him out of life when his time comes. I hope with all my heart that his death will be an easy one, and/or someone at his side. But then he has always been laid back so I am sure he'll be just fine. HA. Yes, you may shed a tear at that thought, Nick. As indeed I do every so often. Strange how we are there when our children are born, yet (as nature intends in best case scenario) absent when they return to nothingness. Not that I would want my own mother at my bedside (insert smiley). The drama of it would probably kill me two minutes earlier than my allocated time.

    I am touched that you mention your mother every so often, with that slight hint of regret at what could have been but wasn't. What you wished and, maybe, she wasn't able to show. It does you honour, speaks of a longing, and if I were still five years old I'd tell you that she knows. Maybe with a regret of her own in her heart. Up there in heaven, looking down on and watching over you. Oh to be five!

    U

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    1. Ursula: Well, I expect Jenny to be by my deathbed, me being ten years older. If I die on my own, I don't suppose there will be anyone to see me out. In which case I shall wallow in my memories until the off-switch is activated.

      I don't believe in heaven so I don't believe I'll meet my mum there. But I'd quite like to be five again - how simple life was at that age....

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  7. I wish I'd made the effort when young to figure out who I was instead of going with the flow. I'm kind of old to finally be singing, "I've got to be me."

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    1. Linda: It took me a long time too. I didn't really figure out my own identity until I was well into my twenties.

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  8. I have a friend who has been almost everywhere in the world, including Australia. She intended to see everything while she still could. I admired that.

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    1. Joanne: That's impressive. My sister has been to France, Spain and Italy but nowhere else. Those are the only countries my parents went to as well.

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  9. Years ago I saw a Snoopy card. On the front Snoopy asks Woodstock, "Do you ever have the feeling that life has passed you by?" Inside Snoopy is hugging Woodstock saying, "Me neither."

    That's the way I feel.

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    1. Jean: Me too. I've had a very good life and very little has passed me by. It must be sad to think that you've somehow "missed out".

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  10. Interesting post Nick. I can't say I have many regrets, I lived my life as I chose, mixed happiness and sadness and all of that forged me. Younger Daughter is estranged, but I don't regret that - I miss her like a mad thing but nothing I could do to keep her in our lives. She leaves an aching wound. I may never see her again.

    I may die alone in Covid 19, who knows. But I remember a time I lay, dying, on an operating table, all alone aoart from strangers tending to me and the fear of death was lifted, just like that. So I have never felt it since.

    XO
    WWW

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    1. www: Interesting that after your experience on the operating table, you lost your fear of death. Personally I have no fear of death, only of the cause of death, which might be something prolonged and painful.

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  11. I had to think about it for a moment but I don't think I have any regrets right now.

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    1. Mary: That's good. Mind you, you're a long way from your deathbed, so you might have a few regrets by then!

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  12. I don't really have regrets. There are things I might do differently if I could magically go back in time with my current knowledge, but since I can't, I don't waste time feeling regretful about it. I am glad I did a lot of traveling while I could. I'd like to do more, but at least I won't regret not seeing a lot of the world.

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    1. Agent: It's good that you've done so much travelling while you had the chance. Jenny and I are very glad we went on two foreign holidays last year, and didn't wait until 2020. We would have been sorely disappointed.

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  13. I have wasted too much time worrying in advance about things that ended up not even happening. I don't think I have any other regrets, but maybe because that's because I don't think much about regretting things!

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    1. Jenny: Me too. Most of the worst-case-scenarios that I imagine never happen. In fact sometimes they unexpectedly turn out to be the best-case-scenario!

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  14. I don’t expend time and energy on regrets either. I’ve occasionally speculated had adults in my life made different choices how different my life might have been. Also, there have been choices I made that I have sometimes wondered had they been different how I might have altered my life. In a fantasy world we could live out all those variations, then ultimately choose the one we liked best. But, I’m content with the life I’ve had and am now — not perfect, but is anything?

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    1. Joared: I sometimes wonder "what if" I'd done something differently, but I don't wonder for long. Like you, I'm very happy with my life as it is.

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  15. Messenger video calls or zoom would work for talking to aussies!

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    1. Kylie: But that still isn't the same as a face-to-face meet-up. I really enjoyed our meal in Sydney. That seems like an awful long time ago now!

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  16. I did a video call with an old friend the other day - it was brilliant! Not as good as face to face, but getting there. At least she couldn't top up my glass and get me pissed like she used to!!
    Sx

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  17. Ms Scarlet: Yes, that's an advantage. And she couldn't raid your fridge or finish off all your Pringles.

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