Wednesday, 4 May 2016

Being insulted

It's really infuriating when I'm accused of insulting people and I know I never insulted them or had any thought of insulting them. Yet the accuser refuses to back down or admit they might be mistaken.

Just this week I've been accused of patronising someone, of treating someone "like a silly schoolgirl" and of "defending antisemitic rantings".

The last is the worst of course. Being patronising (if it were true) is hardly a hanging offence. Treating someone like a schoolgirl (if it were true) is a modest faux-pas on the sexist spectrum. But to suggest I'm a dyed-in-the-wool anti-Jewish bigot is outrageous.

Like most people, I have Jewish friends, so why would I condone attacks on them? What could I possibly have against Jews apart from my not being religious?

I begin to understand how angry the 400,000 Labour Party members must be as they are all smeared as being anti-Jewish week in and week out by the media and have little or no opportunity to defend themselves.

I try very hard not to gratuitously insult people. If I'm about to say something derogatory, I ask myself "What's the evidence? Am I sure about this? Or is it just an assumption?" If I'm not sure of my ground, it goes unsaid. Other people don't abide by the same rules though. An idea pops into their head and they run with it, regardless. Often with predictably disastrous results.

Of course some insults slip through my mental filter, and I'm happy to apologise if need be. But I hate being accused of something that's categorically untrue, or at the very least a matter of personal interpretation.

Just give me a break. Think before you speak.

31 comments:

Ms Scarlet said...

I will go away and have a think.
*Tiptoes out quietly*
Sx

Nick said...

Take your time, Ms Scarlet. Maybe you're asking yourself the crucial questions?

Ms Scarlet said...

Ha... I am sneaky... I went to Facebook to see who had upset you only to discover that you had unfriended me - no word or explanation, you had simply dismissed my friendship. I am hurt. Yes, I know I never update my status, but that is not the point.
*Exits in a huff of scarlet*
Sx

Nick said...

Scarlet: I didn't realise I'd unfriended you. Maybe for the reason you give. Anyhow, I've made amends, I've sent you a friend request!

Nick said...

Scarlet: It wasn't anyone on Facebook, it was a couple of bloggers I've come across recently. I'm not naming names, I'm not that mischievous.

Ms Scarlet said...

Thank you. We are now friends again.
Can you whisper names?
Oh good grief, I apologise. I have realised that I am incredibly nosy, yet fail to take part.... I am like some sort of Internet hawker witnessing digital clashes, but in my defence I loathe to comment on anything when I am unsure of the facts, hence I am often quiet.
Sx

Nick said...

Scarlet: If I had your email address, I might just confide. But strictly non-naming on the blog. Probably nobody you know personally.

Anonymous said...
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
Nick said...

Mia: I said I wasn't naming names. You may well be right but I have deleted your comment for that reason.

Anonymous said...

That's the problem with blogging....You were insulted being an anti -Jewish and as a gentleman you are not saying the name. Why ? That's ok but I'm not as polite. I like your blog...do not waste your time with stupid people.
Mia More

Nick said...

Mia: Might I ask how you knew this person's identity, when the remarks were made in a private email exchange?

Anonymous said...

I made comments from time to time on her blog and was very often insulted for my opinions and answers. Her blog is public and I saw your comment concerning a political statement saying that all lefties are anti Jewish on her blog and her answer to you. I knew nothing about an email exchange.
Mia More

Nick said...

Mia: Ah, now I understand. But there's another person involved here, thus my puzzlement!

Nick said...

I can envisage a long line of bloggers reading this post, thinking "What the fuck?" and discreetly leaving again....

Ms Scarlet said...

You have created a tumbleweed moment. Then again blogging has been a bit like that lately.
Because I ticked the email follow-up comments box I was able to find the kerfuffle to which you are referring, and I don't see how you were being patronising. I'd forget about it if I were you and move on.
Sx

Nick said...

Scarlet: Not familiar with that phrase, had to look it up. "A period of dead air or stony, unresponsive silence". That sounds about right.

Agreed, forget it and move on. Which is what I'll do when this blog post finally dies (if it hasn't died already). I'm usually fairly immune to insults but the anti-Jewish one cut to the quick.

Ms Scarlet said...

Go and have a drink and watch the telly. I know you are not anti-Jewish.
Sx

kylie said...

haha i'm not reading and thing WTF, I'm reading and thing it's incredibly unfair of you to let it be known there was some kind of exciting incident but not give us opportunity to read it!!!!

nick, anyone who says all lefties are anti-semitic is obviously an idiot, those types of broad generalisations leave so much room for error, they are best not made. So, sont give them space in your head, they dont deserve it

Ursula said...

Nick, anyone who keeps asking "Whose blog is this?" is (to quote the L'Oreal advert) "not worth it". They shouldn't allow comments from the outset rather than berating anyone who begs to differ.

You are gentleman enough to not name the blogger in question. Let's call her R. R came to my attention some time ago when she tried to bully me (and Mia More) off someone else's blog. That's when I took an interest in this strange always angry (by her own admission) person and started reading her blog.

Count yourself lucky, Nick, that you weren't told to "fuck off" which is her default mode. She stopped it for a brief period after I pointed out to her that "fuck off" does not constitute reasoned argument. There is a whole snivelling post (no words) dedicated to me and her outrage at being taken (gently - she doesn't do gently) to task.

I followed yesterday's exchange between you and her and tried to leave a comment on your behalf. I thought what you wrote in reply to her post not only well written but well reasoned. Alas I was not allowed to say so since comments were "closed". This is R. She is of that peculiar mindset that either you "are with me or you are against me". Nuances pass her by, she doesn't engage in discussion. Don't try to reason with her, Nick. It's pointless.

May I also say that it pained me when, the other day, on another post of hers, you felt compelled to apologize and grovel to her several times. Apologize for what? A gracious person she ain't.

U

CheerfulMonk said...

I've been there myself, and I'm convinced if the statements aren't true and the other person doesn't want a reasonable conversation, it's best not to take it personally and just move on. Some people believe what they want to believe and it doesn't have anything to do with us.

Keep smiling. Eventually the world will stop trying to upset us. A variation of a quote that makes me smile every time I think of it. :)

Helen Devries said...

I suspect I know to whom you refer. Don't give her the oxygen of attention and certainly don't dignify her abuse by minding about it.

Nick said...

Thank you all for your support and advice. Much appreciated. Clearly I'm not the only one who has been casually insulted and snubbed.

Scarlet: I will certainly be having a drink and watching the telly. Today there are nation-wide elections and I will be watching the results avidly!

Kylie: No single exciting incident as such, just a series of insulting remarks from bloggers showing their true colours. Broad and idiotic generalisations indeed. Unfortunately the media has been repeating them over and over for weeks in a concerted attempt to destabilise the Labour Party.

Nick said...

Ursula: Thank you for your sympathetic comments. She did in fact tell me to "fuck off" at one point. You're right about her "with me or against me" mindset. And yes, I did make a grovelling apology once but I did think I had overstepped the mark on that occasion and an apology was deserved.

Nick said...

Jean: You're right, she doesn't want a reasonable conversation and moving on is the best thing to do. She has especially vicious opinions about the political left. I'm not sure the world will stop trying to upset us, but at least we can refuse to be upset.

Helen: Very good advice. The oxygen of attention will soon be snuffed out!

Bijoux said...

Too much drama.

tammy j said...

i am always late to the party! and of course i have NO idea what any of you are talking about really.
but just from what i gather... i would say this...
we have people here too who keep themselves so polarized that anything said even mildly in open discussion ... they take as attack.
and just as she did seeing it through her own hateful filter apparently... they don't even truly SEE what the other person means.
nor do i think they even WANT to! they would rather pontificate their own particular poison.
so silly really.
i see the world now as a playground. two year olds having public tantrums. name calling. bullying.
it's called 'not playing nice with others.'
all these people have done is grow taller.
on the inside they're still in diapers.
pay her no mind nick.
she is a fart in the wind.
xo

Dave Martin said...

You antisemetic? As if.
You strike me as being one of the most accepting people I've come across and I suspect the only group of people you could be accused of being against is idiots - and I'd be right with you on that one.
You know the truth, Nick, so let unfounded accusations be like water off a duck's back.

Nick said...

Bijoux: Far too much drama. Normal service will be resumed in a few days.

Tammy: I know, it's all a bit parochial, isn't it? But you've got the gist, people who only want approval and can't tolerate disagreement. Actually two year olds in the playground are probably more open-minded than a lot of adults!

Nick said...

Dave: Thank you, a lovely compliment! No, I don't have much patience with idiots, but I certainly wouldn't sneer at them or look down on them. And the clever-clever types can be even more tiresome!

Rummuser said...

Being accused of anything not done is not on, why only insulting? On the other hand the other person may perceive something as different from what is intended and such misunderstandings can be sorted out by some discussions.

Nick said...

Ramana: Unfortunately my attempts to clear up the misunderstandings (if that's what they were, as opposed to deliberate insults) fell on deaf ears.