Wednesday, 8 October 2014

Bêtes noires

Ten things I'd like to see the back of:

1) Ties. I don't care how many people think I look good in a tie. They're pointless anachronisms.
2) Religious imperialism. Trying to foist your religion onto the uninterested, the uncomprehending and the undressed and just going to bed.
3) Instant coffee. It's not coffee by any stretch of the imagination. It's sludge.
4) Lying and hypocritical politicians. That's around 99 per cent of them then.
5) Finger food that falls to pieces, leaves you all greasy and tastes of nothing.
6) Powerpoint presentations. If you have to swamp us with statistics, just put them in an easily disposable handout.
7) People who think they're fascinating but are actually so boring you want to shoot yourself.
8) Absurd excuses for rape. There are NO excuses for rape.
9) Poverty. It ruins people's lives. It's demeaning, depressing and utterly dehumanising.
10) Unbudging know-it-alls who view any alternative opinions as the jabberings of an idiot.

Oh and did I mention ties?

21 comments:

susie said...

Ties are really stupid. I think I would always feel like choking if I had to wear one. I pretty much agree with the rest of your list too. I've had SO much coffee today that I can hardly complete a sentence. Whew.

Nick said...

Susie: I had to wear a tie a few days ago for a work meeting, and I couldn't believe how tight it was around my neck. Horrible.

CheerfulMonk said...

For me it would be high-heeled shoes, if I ever had to wear them.

Dave Martin said...

I agree with all of these, especially number 2. So much crap happens in the name of religion, it's ridiculous. People should look into themselves for answers rather than outwards to some fictional deity.
Ties should be reserved for special dressy occasions only, like weddings and funerals, unless you want to be all flamboyant and wear a cravat instead. Now that is silly...

Nick said...

Jean: I've never tried wearing high heels, but virtually every woman who does complains about the pain and discomfort. Just say no!

Dave: Why even ties for special occasions? You can look just as smart without one if you pick your clothes carefully. Women look fine without them.

Dave Martin said...

Very true Nick, but people would talk if I turned up in a little black dress. Each to their own of course :-)

Grannymar said...

Good list, Nick, I have a few black beasts of my own:

1. People who want to control every situation.
2. The stink of slurry/animal waste spread on the fields as fertilizer that lingers in the air for days.
3. Christmas marketing in August, September or any time before December 1st.
4. Grand gestures, with only hot air behind them.


Nick said...

Dave: Now there's a thought - both male and female guests in a little black dress! The mind boggles.

Grannymar: I'd go along with all of those. Luckily I don't live near a farm so I'm spared number two. Although sometimes we get interesting aromas from the sewage plant on the other side of Belfast Lough....

Bijoux said...

#4 is the worst for me and we are smack in the middle of campaign season here. I throw away at least 5 pieces of their junk mail a day.

I wore ties in the 80's all the time and they never bothered me one bit.

Nick said...

Bijoux: I know, we get the same tidal wave of leaflets before elections. All full of fancy promises and glossed-up versions of their achievements. To be read with a great deal of scepticism.

So you have no problem with ties? Oh well, whatever floats your boat....

Ursula said...

The list doesn't hang together. Ties, instant coffee and finger food by all means fit into one tin. Religion best segregated. Politics into another [tin]. And the rest will have to find their own niche.

You know, Nick, what 'back' I'd like to see? Full on? My own. One's back being the devil on, well, on one's back. The one part of your body (other than back of your head) you'll never see without help (mirror). It's inconvenient to say the least. Think about it.

U

Nick said...

Ursula: It's not meant to hang together, except that they're all pet hates. Save your tins!

Yes, it's odd that we can't see our own backs without a special gadget. Not that I have any great curiosity about my back, I just let it get on with the job....

Jenny Woolf said...

I agree with most of these but I LOVE ties! I'm really sad they're somewhat out of fashion now.

Nick said...

Jenny: Ties are just a big nuisance. The male equivalent of tights or shapewear. I simply don't see the attraction - aesthetic, sexy or anything else.

Keith said...

Following in the family tradition I usually wear a red spotted "necker". My Grandfather was a full-bloodied gypo (Romany style). The only tie I have is a black one; just in case.

My pet hate is the Jesus freaks who stop you in the main street and ask "Do you know why Jesus died on the cross?"; and I willing to bet you know the answer I give to questions like that!

kylie said...

power point has to be better than annoying hand-outs. hand outs just use trees, clutter hand bags and end up in the bin. power point stops being annoying the minute it's turned off

Nick said...

Keith: I don't even have a black tie!

If anyone asked me that question, I would probably say "Do you know why thousands of people are dying in the Middle East? Because of religion".

Kylie: Very good point. In fact there are far too many not-very-useful handouts, leaflets, pamphlets etc as it is.

Secret Agent Woman said...

I was going to say the same thing as Kylie about the environmentally irresponsibility of disposable handouts.

Some of those things bother me (like people pushing religion at me) and some I don't care about one way or the other (like ties - but of course, I never have to wear one).

Nick said...

Agent: As my job often involves giving out handouts, as from now I shall try to limit them....

Lucky you, never having to wear a tie!

Rummuser said...

In total agreement.

Nick said...

Ramana: How very gratifying!