Tuesday, 17 February 2009

Who needs him?

So what if you don't have a boyfriend or girlfriend? So what if there's nobody sharing your bed? Does it really matter?

Those of us who've got a partner, who're used to being brought cups of tea, or having a shoulder to cry on, or just finding the washing's been done, might think the choice is obvious.

It's a struggle being on your own, right? Nobody to help with anything, nobody to keep you company, nobody to make you laugh. Not much fun, eh?

Kate Mulvey, who calls herself a Post Modern Spinster, has no patience for other people's patronising, condescending put-downs of her chosen lifestyle.

She writes in The Times that she doesn't feel at all deprived or deficient. The idea of marriage gives her the heebie-jeebies and she certainly doesn't see herself "ferrying kids to and from parties".

I relish having all my time to myself and doing exactly what I please, she says. I don't have to neglect my career, or make constant compromises, or never get enough sleep, or hide my trashy magazines.

Why should I hitch myself to someone else, she asks. It's not the nineteenth century, I'm not going to end up in the workhouse.

Mind you, she seems to think finding a man has to mean marriage and children. Well, that's a bit nineteenth century, surely? Can't she just live with him?

Who needs even that, she says. He may seem like Mr Perfect to begin with, but chances are that in a couple of years he'll either be Mr Sulk, Mr Unfaithful or Mr Slob. Who needs him? Why bother?

PS: Isn't it strange that single people are assumed to be unhappy, unless proved otherwise, while with couples we assume the opposite?

Photo: Kate Mulvey and one of the pleasures Mr Wrong can't comment on....
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The world-famous gigastar Dame Edna Everage turns 75 this week. Happy Birthday, Ma'am! What a woman! What an inspiration to confused, insecure young girls the world over! Her pithy advice on every subject is seldom equalled.

15 comments:

Grannymar said...

That young lady sounds like she has never known REAL love!

I suppose you could divide my life into three parts.

1) Communal living (growing up in a large family.
2) Shared with a soul-mate.
3) Alone as a widow.

Having a soul-mate to share the joys, sadness and frustrations, has to be experienced to be appreciated. For me it would be the journey of choice!

Suburbia said...

She has never been lucky enough to have 'fallen' in love then!

I very much appreciated your comment at mine, thanks:)

Nick said...

Grannymar - Well, yes, my conclusion would be the same, I must admit! She says she has had a few longish relationships but there was no real connection.

Nick said...

Suburbia - Oops, we bumped into each other there! Another person with the same conclusion. That's her sorted, then....

Baino said...

Aww she sounds like she doesn't have an option so is making the best of a bad lot. As a widow I can vouch for the joys of a relationship although being a free spirit does have it's benefits. I hate being alone frankly but all the men my age are too 'old' hehe! That's why I have a dog! The down side is I now have to carry my own esky and put out the bins!

Nick said...

Baino - Funny how cynical everyone is! Nobody can believe she actually enjoys her singlehood. Clearly single status still has a pretty bad image....

Wisewebwoman said...

Oh I'm with her 95% of the time, Nick, the other 5% I get a little whiney about the lack of Himself. but I do acknowledge that the longer I'm single, the more independent I get.
I do miss the casual intimacies more than anything, the odd time I miss the sex or a shared bath or book.
But on the whole, the tradeoff is awfully high and most of my married friends envy me.
We always miss what we don't have, I guess.
XO
WWW

Nick said...

www - Good for you, the cynics aren't always right! And how true, that we always miss what we don't have. The grass always seems greener on the other side - until you look at it closely and you find it's astro turf.

conortje said...

I don't know. I was in a relationship for seven years. It had its difficult moments along with lots of comforting ones. Been single now for a year and half - it too has it's difficulties but also its good parts. Overall I feel it's better to be able to share your life with someone :-)

Hullaballoo said...

She looks pretty contented in the picture. Perhaps she's got one of those reverse hammer action double headed bunny vibrators they sell in Anne Summers ;)).

Nick said...

Conor - That's true, either alternative has its pluses and minuses. And some of us are suited to coupledom, some aren't. It's not necessarily the ideal lifestyle for everyone.

Hulla - Of course, that's her secret. That's obviously the key to ecstatic singlehood. Bunny vibrators on demand!

Nicole said...

Since I don't know her, I'll have to take her at her word; but my friends who've made similar comments were either in really bad relationships or have made really bad choices in partners. With them, I'm pretty sure they're just trying to hide from being hurt again. I do think it's possible for some people to enjoy and prefer singledom, but I'd imagine those people don't feel the need to slander the idea of coupledom in the process. When people complain that much about marriage or living with someone, I tend to assume it's because they've had a bad experience and are trying hard to convince others and themselves that they don't want them.

Nick said...

Nicole - That's very wise indeed, I'd go along with most of that. Indeed, if she's really comfortable with being single, why the need to slag off couples so harshly? Why would she care about them? She's certainly had male relationships in the past, so she's probably still hoping for The One.

Liz said...

I must admit to enjoying my hot water bottle during the week when husband's away. It's an ideal situation as far as I'm concerned. Husband is there part of the week and I enjoy both bits in different ways.

Nick said...

Liz - I enjoy indulging myself a bit more when Jenny is away. But sooner or later I start missing her company and wanting to share things with her.