Tuesday, 12 February 2008

Cupid's whims

The approach of Valentine's Day always gets me thinking about love and what a mystery it is. Why do we fall in love? Why with X rather than Y? Why do some relationships fail so quickly while others last a lifetime?

Therapists and scientists and writers are constantly looking for the secret of love and its seeming unpredictability but they're still as baffled as ever. Cupid is a capricious little thing and her arrows land in the oddest places.

Who would have guessed, when Jenny and I locked eyes almost 27 years ago, that our tentative hugs and kisses would ignite such an enduring passion? Certainly not us.

We've had plenty of quarrels over the years. In moments of boiling anger or frustration or resentment we've talked of splitting up and calling it a day. Who hasn't? But every time our fundamental love for each other comes bubbling up and miraculously heals the wounds.

In a heated moment, Jenny may accuse me of a multitude of sins. I may accuse her of a multitude more. Is any of it true? Who knows? What matters is that sooner or later we can't help making up and then it's all just water under the bridge.

Above all, we've never found each other boring. We both have quirky, original minds forever going off in unexpected and fascinating directions. Every day we unfailingly amuse and delight and surprise each other.

An astonishing number of couples split up for no other reason than boredom - they've just got nothing to say to each other any more. That's one thing we're never in danger of.

So Happy Valentine's Day to all you lovely couples! And to everyone who's looking for love!


Wisewebwoman said...

Happy Valentine's to you and Jenny, Nick. You inspire us all.
And why restrict Valentine's to romantic couples, pray tell?
I rather like the schools' and students' interpretation with everyone included.
Love is outward, never inward - I remember being told that by an elder I respected. We have to give it away. Apparently if it is inward it is LUST and not the love we all crave.

Nick said...

Hmmm, but if you include everyone willy-nilly, surely it wouldn't be Valentine's Day any more? I'll just give St Val a ring and see what he thinks of the idea....

Wisewebwoman said...

Like most Christian feastdays, Nick, this one was based on the pagan one of Lupercalia, which sounds like a lot more fun than Valentine, doesn't it. I see fertility rights and dancing wildly.
Either way, love is in the air...

laurie said...

pheremones, dear! it's all in the scent!

that was a lovely valentine to your jenny.

Nick said...

www - Lupercalia sounds rather awful to me. Apparently it involved animal sacrifice and the lashing of girls and young women, in the name of good health and fertility. I think I'll stick to Valentine!

Laurie - Yes, I'm sure chemicals have something to do with it, along with many other things. But what a miracle that love exists at all.

Anonymous said...

you guys give me hope. I'm very very happy for you!

Nick said...

Thanks, Conor. Mind you, I may be unwittingly painting an over-rosy picture and overlooking all the fault lines!

Baino said...

Awww . . well done Nick that's quite a surival story. And painting over fault lines is all part and parcel! Happy Valentines day to you too . . .and to all us singles out there - cheat, get some flowers delivered anonymously! "To My Valentine" and keep the punters guessing!

gayƩ said...

That's truly inspiring. This is a time of a lot of people walking off on their loved ones, work, any odd committment.
A bit of hard work? Well, bye. Don't like a colleague? Change jobs. Partner, wife, husband, not perfect? (wow surprise surprise) Divorce, break up.
Just like that. I always thought my mum deserved someone better than my dad, although my dad is pretty amazing guy himself. Just not for each other. They not only survived the years, they are still much in love although there is a bejillion things that they disagree on. You'd think it wouldn't have lasted a year let alone 40 years.
I think what should be the way anyway has become something so rare that we all feel like cheering with a hint of tears in the corner of the eyes when we hear of love that not only survived the years but also flourished and thrived, like yours and Jenny's.
Hugs to you both and wishing you Happy Lovers' Day, Month, Year, Century! The way I look at it, such love is cherished and celebrated more than once a year in order to have worked out so brilliantly :)

Nick said...

Baino - No need for anonymity, just pamper yourself with some flowers. Be your own Valentine! I'm sure St Val would approve.

Gaye - You're right about people bottling out as soon as the going gets a bit tricky. Great that your mum and dad are still so enamoured despite all their apparent differences. And yes, love has to be celebrated all the time or it dries up and dies.

heartinsanfrancisco said...

This is lovely! Happy Valentine's Day to you and Jenny, Nick.

I agree that boredom is the biggest destroyer of relationships. Boredom and immaturity, people trying to capture the rapturous early stages of love with a new partner because with familiarity, novelty disappears.

They never learn that with nurture, commitment and humor, the love that replaces it is so much more rewarding.

Nick said...

Heart, excellent point about immaturity. People don't realise they have to deepen their relationship and take it into the future, the heady excitement of the early days being just the starting point. And as you say - nurture, commitment and humour are key ingredients.

Los Angelista said...

I hope your wife reads your blog. What sweet thoughts!

That chemical/hormonal spark you feel when you first fall in love is amazing. I think people just want to feel that forever. Gosh, if it was sustainable, no one would get anything done because we'd be walking around insane!

Nick said...

Oh yes Liz, Jenny reads my blog avidly! And you're right, if the first heady experience of falling in love lasted indefinitely we'd be incapable of managing our lives at all!

just me said...

Belated Valentine's greetings to you and Jenny!

Love is indeed a commitment and sometimes with kids in the picture, the commitment is doubled!

Nick said...

Thanks, Justme. You're right, if you've got kids it's a really serious commitment, not to be entered into lightly. We never had kids so we've never been that rigorously tested!