Can I ever see myself as I truly am, with all my strengths and weaknesses, without painting myself as an imaginary saint or an imaginary sinner?
It's very hard to see myself objectively without some sort of glossing or tweaking interfering and turning me into the Nick I'd like to be rather than the genuine Nick.
I see all the time how others have a mistaken view of themselves. They imagine they're quiet when actually they pontificate non-stop. They imagine they're tolerant even as they're denigrating some minority or other. My self-image might be just as warped for all I know.
I've definitely shed some of my more fanciful ideas - that I was a budding author, or an aspiring entrepreneur, or a red-hot revolutionary, or a sex-magnet. No, hang on, I never thought that....
But maybe I've ditched all those wild ideas and just replaced them with some equally wild ones. Now I think I'm a worldly-wise oldie or a political know-it-all or a caring and sensitive veteran of life's challenges.
The more likely reality is that I'm just the same old half-intelligent, well-meaning muddler who somehow staggers through life without unleashing total chaos and upsetting everyone in sight. Whatever special talents I claim to have are probably more fiction than fact.
It's not much use asking others how they see me, either. They may be spot-on or their image of me may be just as warped as my own. If they're convinced I'm a timid introvert, then they'll stick to that, despite all evidence to the contrary. Quite often, people see what they want to see.
Who can identify the real Nick? Certainly not me.
