There I am at another routine social event, confronted by some total stranger, wondering what the hell to say to her or him. And my mind goes completely blank.
I search my mind for suitable topics. The strange turn in the weather? The political crisis? The price of olive oil? Electric cars?
For some reason no subject seems suitable.
They'll think I'm weird if I talk about something obscure.
But they'll also think I'm weird if I say nothing at all.
I'd love to be one of those natural chatterboxes who can not only effortlessly start a conversation but keep it going for a good half hour.
How do they do it?
My tongue-tied stance comes from my family. Almost every one of them is and was fiercely taciturn. Speaking is only permitted if there's something very important or urgent to say. Otherwise lips are sealed.
So I'm just very out of practice at this chattering lark.
I need one of those ear-phones TV presenters wear, so someone can feed me suitable comments and questions.
Or maybe I just need a badge that says "Ask me an awkward question".
Oh Nick, I'm a chatterbox when needed, but I'm not the one who speaks about weather or if neighbours garden looks tidy. As you say if you grow up in a taciturn family you have to learn peu à peu to get used to discuss. Our evening meal when I was a child and a young adult was a discussion round about all events which of course give assurance to express yourself. But to stay silent and quiet can be a real quality too.
ReplyDeleteHannah
Hannah: I remember staying briefly with a Jewish family and being amazed at the all-out discussions and disputes around the dinner table. Our family meals were largely silent.
DeleteJewish families can be disturbing for others. My mom discussed about all issues and even when finally you fall in your bed to sleep she will come and ask if you want a hot milk with honey.It's funny , a bit like Italien mother.
DeleteHannah
Hannah: I found the passionate disputes around the dinner table very refreshing after my family's reticence.
DeleteThe trick is to ask a question that gets the other person talking so you don't have to! Throw in a compliment - or ask where they got an item of clothing - find something that you like the look of about the other person.
ReplyDeleteAs I've gotten older I seem to waffle on about anything - the weather is an excellent subject as it leads on to gardening [if you like that sort of thing].
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Ms Scarlet: I've been given that bit of advice many times, but I find it difficult to get someone talking. Perhaps I should bring up gardening.
DeleteI always ask questions. People usually love to talk about themselves.
ReplyDeleteBijoux: I don't seem to have the right questions, the ones that encourage people to open up.
DeleteKylie: Some good questions there. I've made a note of them! But I don't know anything about Meghan's activities.
ReplyDeleteI am what I believe is called an extraverted introvert. I have no problem talking or even being center of attention. But it wears me out. I don't have social anxiety, only social weariness!
ReplyDeleteSandra: I certainly have social weariness after I've been valiantly keeping a conversation going for far too long.
DeleteI found a list of questions to ask when making a friend. But, they feel awkward to ask a stranger. I have severe social anxiety so I mostly stay home. At the last wedding I attended, I did manage to start a conversation when I remembered the guy had recently retired so I asked how that was going. He loved telling me. Success!
ReplyDeleteLinda
Linda: Yes, people tend to enjoy detailing all their retirement activities. I like Kylie's questions (above) but like you I think I might feel awkward putting them to a stranger.
DeleteWhere are you from? Have you always lived there? Is that a good place to live?
ReplyDeleteColette: Yes, good questions. I ought to be well armed with suitable questions now!
DeleteNick, it seems that social interaction depends on the event, the people and the interest level. Sometimes, there can be nothing to say about anything.
ReplyDeleteBeatrice: That's the most matter-of-fact comment so far - I like it! Yes, sometimes there can be absolutely nothing to say.
DeleteMary: Touché! Then we understand each other!
ReplyDeleteNot good at social events.....so try to avoid them.
ReplyDeleteFly: Me too.
DeleteSometimes just asking someone how they are will start a conversation. But I totally understand where you're coming from.
ReplyDeletePaula: Asking someone how they are can often just get the reply "Fine". Socialising is all a bit of a minefield to me.
DeleteWe'd get on well standing in silence next to each other, each perfectly happy people-watching.
ReplyDeleteLiz: That sounds like a good plan. I'm much better at listening and people-watching than I am talking about myself.
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