A local MLA (Member of the Legislative Assembly) has died suddenly at the age of 39, but the family aren't explaining how he died. So naturally there's all sorts of speculation, probably most of it nonsense, about the possible cause. Suicide is the front runner, but no doubt there's a few takers for a drugs overdose, a sex game that went wrong, a fall down the stairs, an undiagnosed heart condition, a scandal about to break, and anything else our fevered imaginations can come up with.
Why not just tell us the cause of death? What's the big deal? Possibly the cause is something the family is embarrassed or ashamed about, so they prefer to stay silent.
But in these lay-it-all-on-the-table days, when people will reveal almost anything about themselves, no matter how lurid or shocking or intimate, why this odd exception?
I guess people are often afraid that if the cause of death is something that could have been prevented, something that might implicate other people, then they'd rather keep quiet to avoid all the judgmental tut-tutting from self-righteous busybodies.
But surely nowadays people are much more likely to be sympathetic and consoling than judgmental? Surely we're all aware for example that something like suicide has all sorts of contributory factors and that blaming their family or friends for not doing enough to prevent it is simply stupid and unhelpful.
Certainly I have no objection to my own cause of death being revealed, however bizarre or unusual it might be.
So why not just tell us how this chap died? Just take a deep breath and stop all the wild speculation.
PS: Wow, today is my 15th blogiversary!!
15 years! Congrats! Usually, if a person is a public figure here, there is never any secrecy. I do understand how for the general public, it’s really not anyone’s business. If it’s a young person without a cause, you do assume suicide or overdose. Otherwise, the obituary often states a charity to give to in their honor, such as a cancer foundation, if that was their cause of death.
ReplyDeleteBijoux: No, it's not strictly the public's business, but it's interesting to know how someone died. Why keep it secret just because tongues will start wagging?
DeleteWe really have to defer to the grief-based decisions of the family. As for your statement "But surely nowadays people are much more likely to be sympathetic and consoling than judgmental? ", I fear that isn't true. But how sweet and kind you are to think so. Happy blogiversary.
ReplyDeleteColette: Well, I'd like to think people are more sympathetic nowadays, but maybe that's not the case. You have a valid point about grief-based decisions.
DeleteWhy would you like to know how somebody died? What does it bring you ? The person is dead which is sad enough , so why reveal for instance that he /she committed suicide or drug abuse or whatever. It will only turn on the "voyeurism" and keep people talking about persons they do not know personnally. 15 years of blogging ! What a long time !
ReplyDeleteHannah
Hannah: Well, you can't stop voyeurism even if the cause of death is known. Even if it was a heart attack, someone somewhere will blame it on their lifestyle or their diet.
DeleteOur fevered imaginations will inevitably come up with some brilliant ideas.
ReplyDeleteWhat I found strange last week was the way the media reacted to Prince Charles' diagnosis of covid in light of the fact he'd recently seen the Queen. there was much speculation over whether she'd caught it and why weren't the palace telling us? As if - well, I don't know. It just puzzled me.
Liz: I don't pay much attention to the goings-on of the royals, though I do wonder if the Queen's frailty will mean an abdication shortly.
DeleteHappy Bloggy Birthday!!!
ReplyDeleteI'm not bothered by the death secret - I guess I might ponder for a few minutes, but then leave it be.
I imagine suicide is incredibly difficult for loved ones to talk about, and sometimes the cause of death is unknown and there are inquests, and suchlike, that take ages to complete.
Anyhow, speculation sells papers.
Sx
Ms Scarlet: It shouldn't be difficult to talk about though, should it? It happens and we should be able to discuss it without being so squeamish.
Delete"Reluctance"? I can't see any. It'll all come out - whether you want it or not.
ReplyDeleteAgree with all your readers who commented before me. It's no one's business yet, such is human nature, our curiosity is piqued. I am the first to admit that I am interested in someone's cause of death - particularly when they snuffed it at a young age. I can't believe that people younger than me beat me to death's door (of natural causes! Stroke anyone?).
Dear Nick, let's hope you'll die of straightforward old age when it comes and no one will wag a tongue. Which may not be what you had hoped for - when you'd rather it was Miss Scarlet in the drawing room with a hat pin.
To your continued good health,
U
Ursula: I don't really care if tongues do start wagging. I won't be around to hear what they're saying.
DeleteWhile I sometimes wonder about the cause of death for people I’ve known, I don’t feel we have any right to expect or demand the cause of death of anyone unless there is something suspicious or criminal involved. Just like medical information, I see it as a privacy issue unless the family decides to share.
ReplyDeleteMike: I certainly wouldn't demand the cause of death. As you say it's a privacy issue and it's up to the family to decide what they want to divulge or keep quiet. I just don't understand why there has to be so much secrecy.
DeleteI tend to see it as the other way around. If someone has died, it seems to me that their relatives shouldn't feel obliged to reveal the cause of death. It isn't a matter of secrecy, everyone has to die of something, but it is not necessary for others to know the details. :)
ReplyDeleteJenny: No, no one should feel obliged to reveal the cause of death, but why is there so much coyness and embarrassment about it?
DeleteFor public figures people generally find out cause of death. Not saying cause leads to wild speculation, as you suggest. For private citizens it is different and up to the family.
ReplyDeleteTerra: Certainly it's up to the family, but the cause of death is an essential fact that deserves to be made known along with other details of death.
DeleteIt can be very easy to deduce; who to send memorials to, for instance.
ReplyDeleteJoanne: Very true. If a specific charity is mentioned, then the cause of death is pretty obvious.
DeleteIf I read of someone's death I usually wondered what was the cause, but if it's not reported, then in most instances I think no more about it. As far as I'm concerned, if the family and close friends know, then there's really no need for anyone else to know.
ReplyDeleteMany times the information may not be known at the time an obituary is published. In other instances maybe the cause is left off simply because the desire is to just think about the person and their life rather than how they died. There will be plenty of time for that later. If the person is well known and the cause is unusual then likely that will surface sooner or later anyway.
Oops! I just remembered, I forgot to congratulate you on your Blogiversary -- and many more!
DeleteJoared: I think there often IS a need to know, but I'll go into that in my next blog post! As you say, if the person is well known then usually the cause emerges anyway.
DeleteJoared: Thanks. How did I manage to keep this thing going for 15 years?
DeleteWow, Happy 15th Blogoversary! Re: back a few paragraphs from the end of the post- no, people are most definitely still quite judgmental. No question about it.
ReplyDeletePressfortime: I wouldn't really know as I've never been subjected to that sort of mass-judgment. But from what you and Colette say, collective judgment is still very common.
DeleteCongratulations on turning 15! Indian media is not averse to publishing the cause of death. What annoys me however is their insisting on saying "S/he died by suicide" instead of "committed suicide". They do mention cardiac arrest, Massive heart attack, after a long illness etc.
ReplyDeleteRamana: It's not so much the media as the families who are loath to mention the cause. And as you suggest, very often it's the totally vague "a long illness" or "a short illness".
Delete15 years, oh my that is something to celebrate. You write such a interesting blog.
ReplyDeleteWith so much shared, I think we forget that many do not share all and anything. Notoriety is confused with fame by so many who want attention. That said, I think it is better to share some facts than tolerate the speculation. I had a second cousin who lost a son. Suicide, drug overdose? Young man of 24 passes. I would never ask the mother. But I have been curious.
Ann: If the cause of death is disclosed, you can often learn something from it. Was a suicide caused by bullying? Was a drug overdose caused by adulterated drugs? Isn't openness better than ill-informed speculation?
DeleteI am in agreement. When I taught school, I stopped with the little white lies with parents. It saved a lot of grief in the long run. Actually very few thought I was overbearing. I did have one parent who bucked me. I would write a blog post but I try to respect privacy. In short, the kid was kicked out of school once he turned 16.
DeleteAnn: I'm glad you decided the little white lies wouldn't do. Most of my blogmates disagree with me about revealing the cause of death.
DeleteCongratulations on your blogiversary Nick. Am I right in thinking that you did a post a while ago about people wanting to know too much about public figures? Maybe the cause of death wasn’t immediately obvious. Knowing the cause wouldn’t be of interest to me.
ReplyDeletePolly: I think I was referring to people who want to know every trivial detail about a celebrity's life. But cause of death isn't trivial, it can be very significant.
DeleteHi Nick, yes but only to those involved, or am I missing a point?
DeletePolly: But if the death points to medical incompetence, say, that's something that the wider public needs to know.
DeleteCongrats on the blog anniversary. As to causes of death, that too bothers me. Particularly in the case of alcoholism. Have you ever seen it as a cause of death? I've known countless all covered up by the family. Also suicides. Shame is toxic.
ReplyDeleteXO
WWW
www: I hadn't thought about that. Yes, alcoholism or cirrhosis are never mentioned as a cause of death. But people need to be reminded that heavy drinking can kill you.
Deletehappy 15th Nick! I can't even imagine doing anything that long. and to keep people's interest. but I think of you more as a journalist. we're all walking novels and you have an inquiring mind! perhaps we want to know how anyone died because we subconsciously sense our own mortality somehow. good grief. what a weird and pitiful sentence that is. but I think I know what you mean. like reading a book and being left hanging.
ReplyDeleteyou like closure. no loose ends hanging. good writing.
we're in the middle of a sleet and freezing ice storm. just glad I still have power! xo
Tammy: Reading a book and being left hanging is a good analogy. I want to know what happened to the main characters!
DeleteI enjoyed your blog when you were still writing it. You always had something interesting to say.
Some family members are just very secret. I have no problem with family members not revealing the cause of someone's death.
ReplyDeleteCongrats on 15 years. More and more bloggers are shutting down their blogs so it's nice to see someone around who's been here for a long time.
Mary: Of course it's up to the family whether the cause of death is revealed, but I don't see why so many people keep it secret (or invent something more acceptable).
DeleteI've lost very few blogmates over the last decade, though there was quite a turnover in the early days.
If you have been blogging 15 years, I would be close but I think I started in October. What a ride it's been!
ReplyDeleteI'm always curious to know what a person died of and I thinkit is part of human nature to want to know but it's really not our business so the question needs to be not why is cause of death treated coyly but why do people think they need to know?
Kylie: I think there IS a need to know, and I'm going to do a second post about it.
Delete