Thursday, 19 September 2019

The jealous ex

Some exes get insanely jealous of the new lover and do everything they can to wreck the budding relation-ship. Luckily that seldom happened to me, and most of the exes accepted the situation, either happily or reluctantly.

My girlfriend Trish had an ex but he didn't make any trouble. It would have been difficult as he was living in Birmingham and Trish and I were in London.

Grethe had an ex and was bringing up their son Reuben. The couple were in regular contact but he never tried to separate us.

Rosey had a boyfriend, Barry, who didn't accept our relationship at all and was actively trying to end it. He would tell her I was totally the wrong type for her and it would all end in tears. She did break up with me eventually, and I guess Barry's opinions had something to do with it.

Jenny also had an existing boyfriend but again he didn't make any trouble, probably because Jenny was obviously very keen on me and he didn't think he would get anywhere.

But I've heard plenty of people complaining not just about their ex's jealousy but about their current partner's jealousy. Constant questioning about where they're going and who they're meeting. Making out they fancy someone they just casually glanced at. Claiming a casual note to someone looks flirtatious.

My father was fiercely jealous and possessive. He always questioned my mother about people she was meeting and often implied there was a sexual element. He would even claim some lesbian affair was going on.

I've never been the jealous type myself so I didn't try any dirty tricks when a girlfriend fell for another man. However upset and bewildered I was, I would never have tried to destroy someone else's happiness.

Come to terms with it and move on, is my attitude.

I won't be blogging for a while. Will explain all in due course! In the meantime, please talk among yourselves....


  1. Gosh Nick, you're makeup is far different from other blokes who view their partners as "possessions". Even down to killing them if they threaten to leave. And kill them they do. A worldwide statistic confirms this.

    I've heard men at dinner parties casually threaten their women if they even thought of leaving them.

    I was threatened and had a recording of the threat on my answering machine which I played for the police who did absolutely bugger all so I was left in fear and terror for another few months as the man who left it had access to guns.

    It is not a "choice" my friend. It is violent men using intimidation as control.

    As Margaret Attwood said so knowingly:
    Men are afraid women will laugh at them
    Women are afraid men will kill them.

    I lived it.


  2. www: I know, many men kill their partners, often for the most trivial and insane reasons. There's a lot of fuss in the UK right now about the police still not taking domestic violence seriously and finding various pretexts for not pursuing rape reports. I can imagine your terror over the guy with guns.

    No, it's not a choice for the women but it's certainly a choice for the men - they can treat women decently or they can behave like animals. Unfortunately masculine culture encourages the latter.

    Margaret Attwood is dead right.

  3. I don't think it's any better in the US than it is in the UK.

    Exes seem very pathetic when they start trying to break up a new relationship.

  4. I know of a case....the British couple split when living in France. He dumped her for another British woman...she later took up with another British chap.All went well until her ex husband was dumped in turn at which point he turned to threats of violence, to stalking and to an attempted kidnapping. She complained to the gendarmerie who were onto him like a dose of salts.

    As a result he returned to the U.K. whence he recommenced his stalking activities. British police? No interest.

  5. It's been my experience that when people express jealousy it's because they actually feel inadequate--they think their partners would certainly choose someone "better" than them if given the chance.

  6. Andy and I never had that problem. He didn't have an ex and mine was long gone. We started fresh. It was nice.

  7. Considering it's been over 35 years since we've had contact with exes, I can't say much on the topic. I think it's easier now to stalk people, thanks to the Internet and cell phones. Back in the day, a guy would have had to call my house and talk to my mom first. LOL!

  8. Yes, my husband was jealous beyond comprehension.

  9. Danielle: It's very pathetic. It suggests they're totally unable to connect with other women, and all they can do is harass the woman who's rejected them.

  10. Fly in the web: I hope the gendarmerie are still as efficient when it comes to male violence. The UK police still tend to think of it as a fact of life, something uncontrollable.

  11. Linda: I think you're probably right. They're certainly inadequate if they're unable to redirect their attention to all the other women out there.

  12. Jean: An ideal situation for starting a relationship!

    Bijoux: Stalking is so easy nowadays, it's quite an epidemic over here. And quite often the police do nothing until the woman is either dead or mentally and emotionally wrecked.

    Indeed, in the old days you'd have a ferocious mum to deal with.

  13. Joanne: I'm sorry to hear that. It must be quite a burden to live with, as my mother knew only too well.

  14. I have neither first hand nor second hand experience, knowledge of any jealour ex phenomenon. Must have led a very clean life what?

  15. Ramana: You're very lucky. Being hounded by a madly jealous (or just vengeful) ex is no joke.

  16. I can't say I'm particularly jealous and neither is my husband. However, we both have an agreement not to maintain friendships with former lovers and not to tell each other the gory details of those relationships.

  17. Agent: A very sensible agreement. If someone keeps talking about their former lovers, you have to wonder if they're actually over them or not.

  18. My ex is probably my best friend now.
    Anyhow, I hope you are okay, Nick.

  19. Curious. Hope your absence means an exciting time for you!

  20. I'm very much okay. Jenny and I have been on a guided tour of the Canadian Maritimes. Blog post to come shortly.