Saturday, 4 November 2017

A lucky escape

Having read the flood of reports about sexual misconduct in Parliament, in the film industry, at the BBC, and in workplaces generally, I thank my lucky stars I've never been immersed in any group of men who are devoted to the masculine sex culture and all it involves. If I had been, I would probably have picked up some of the disgusting attitudes they display.

I've never seen women as sex objects, as toys for male pleasure, as a nice pair of tits, as a nice bit of skirt, as attractive bodies to be groped and fondled, as tempting pussy and all the rest of it. I find all that deeply repulsive.

My life has been strangely devoid of all that masculine depravity. I guess most men have been thrown into that sort of misogynistic culture at some time or another, but I've managed to escape it.

My public school was remarkably sex-free. There was no discussion whatever of sex, never mind sexual attitudes to women. There was no homosexuality and no furtively circulated porn magazines. My fellow pupils were far more interested in rock music than levels of libido.

In my workplaces likewise there has always been a noticeable absence of the sex-object culture. Men like that were pretty rare in the bookshops, charities and local newspapers I've worked for. And the women I worked with were always tough characters who wouldn't tolerate a lascivious male for long.

I've never been keen on pubs or heavy drinking, so I've never encountered those pub-frequenting men who enjoy sizing up the female customers and speculating on what they'd be like in bed.

So I've managed to dodge the whole phallocentric sickness. I'm miraculously uncorrupted.

27 comments:

CheerfulMonk said...

That's great! I've hung out with the right people too.

Bijoux said...

You are lucky! I was sexually harassed in high school, college and all 3 places I worked. Sometimes subtle, other times, quite blatant.

Nick said...

Jean: I'm very glad I never worked somewhere with a virulent masculine sex culture.

Bijoux: Such constant sexual harassment is all too common. And the people who could stop it so often turn a blind eye.

kylie said...

I am sure it existed somewhere, Nick! and I am very sure there was some aspect of sexuality on display at school, Imagine all those boys together!
I suspect other men have just been discreet in your presence.

Ursula said...

"My public school was remarkably sex-free. There was no discussion whatever of sex, never mind sexual attitudes to women. There was no homosexuality and no furtively circulated porn magazines. My fellow pupils were far more interested in rock music than levels of libido."

I can't take you seriously any longer. On any subject.

U

Mike said...

My sole experience with sexual harassment in the work-place was when a female co-worker -- Debbie -- confided in me that she was being harassed by one of my peers. She never out and out told me who it was -- I'm pretty sure I know who it was. Not long after that, he was caught falsifying attendance -- his own -- on official training records and was given the opportunity to resign. Ironically, his son, Stephen, is one of my current students. Stephen related to me that his mom never really know how much more his dad made than she thought -- until she found a box with old tax records years after they divorced.

Debbie quit work after she married a "young" physician widower -- coincidentally now my wife's primary care physician. Tragically, she died a few years ago from sudden, unexpected complications from a minor condition.

Nick said...

Kylie: The boys were always primping and preening, but not for the benefit of girls, only because they wanted to look exactly like their rock idol heroes. I know it's hard to believe, when the media cultivates the rampant public school homosexuality image, but I was never once sexually propositioned by another boy.

Nick said...

Ursula: Really, why not? Don't you believe me?

Mike: Interesting. Stephen's dad was obviously a habitual falsifier - of attendance records, of his declared income, and no doubt of his behaviour towards women. There are plenty of men like him, I'm sure. I wonder what he spent all that undeclared income on?

Ursula said...

It's not a question of not believing you, Nick. If you say you were never propositioned for a homosexual encounter I believe you. Few straight guys ever are. And the few I know who were tend to tell the enamoured, in no uncertain terms, where to stick it.

What I don't believe (let's leave you aside for a moment) that none of your teenage chums were interested in sex. Teenagers' growing curiosity in matters sexual is normal. Unless, of course, you are asexual - but that's unlikely to apply to all the population of a boarding school or any other for that matter. And if Rock isn't designed to ooze sex appeal I don't know what is.

U

Nick said...

Ursula: Disbelieve if you must, but I can assure you it's true. I can't remember a single lewd comment or well-thumbed porn mag or buxom pin-up. It wasn't that the teaching staff forbade such things, the boys simply weren't interested. A remarkably strait-laced bunch.

Anonymous said...

So you never masturbated while thinking of a sexy girl ? BTW to have sexual thoughts is normal and healthy.

helen devries said...

Leo seems to have had a similar experience to your own...nothing in school...certainly nothing on the Stock Exchange - no women on the floor at that time - and too busy running his own business later to be bothered about the women he employed apart from whether or not they were doing their job properly.

Rummuser said...

I had enough of dating during my pre marriage days with sensible ladies and married one very sensible one too. I did not have to indulge in any nonsense and it was not part of the culture in which I operated. I am still considered a safe bet by all ladies who come in contact with me and they tell me so.

Nick said...

Anonymous: I don't respond to anonymous comments, especially judgmental ones.

Nick said...

Ursula: That probably explains why I was such a late developer sexually. I had no sex of any kind until I was 22.

Helen: Good for Leo. Whether or not a woman's doing her job properly should be the question, not how sexually available she might be.

Ramana: I'm glad to know women feel comfortable in your company. I hope the same applies to me.

Anonymous said...

Sorry I forgot to sign. My name is Sandra 54 years old. You seem to be a bit touchy . Was my comment a judgmental one ? Just a question. My husband is from Spain, so I'm used to hotter guys.
Sandra

Nick said...

Hi Sandra! I'm always wary of anonymous comments because I've had some very nasty ones in the past. I thought your comment was judgmental because you seemed to be telling me what a normal sex life should consist of. But I accept that you didn't mean to be judgmental.

Sure I've masturbated while thinking of a sexy girl. But that's very different from sexually harassing real women who haven't invited any sexual attention.

Of course sexual thoughts are normal and healthy. I never suggested otherwise!

tammy j said...

my first experience with all that was as a 34 year old widow.
I went from being a teenage bride to the world of the 'everything goes' 80's.
it was very common in the workplace.
one director I worked for used to come out of his office and stand at my desk and make a pawing movement with his foot like a bull I guess. he grunted or something. then he would go back into his office.
so WEIRD! I just ignored him but it was embarrassing.
he did it in front of the others in the office! (no men)
he never touched me but I was never alone with him either.
it's incredible how many are speaking up now from that era and others. it's gone on a long time.

Nick said...

Tammy: Just standing there making a pawing movement? That's really creepy. I wonder what he might have done if there was nobody else around?

I know, it's brilliant how many women (and men) are now coming forward to say they were sexually harassed or groped or whatever. I hope this trend continues and women get the courage to ALWAYS speak up when this stuff happens. That's the only way it'll stop for good.

Wisewebwoman said...

I do hope you call out males who do denigrate women rather than sit back

XO
WWW

Nick said...

www: I would if I saw such things going on, but as I say I've always been in environments where women are treated with respect. I don't understand those men who calmly watch their mates making lewd and abusive comments to women, and just laugh as if it's some huge joke.

Jay said...

We choose our friends, Nick, so it's no surprise to me that you haven't been involved in this crap. Not so easy to avoid at work, perhaps, but there do seem to be professions where it is more prevalent than in others.

I've done a lot of temping, and remember one particular job in the office of "Revs" (apparently a car magazine for boy racers). That was a very uncomfortable working environment because all of the men in that office were like this, and I was the only woman. The talk, and the attitudes were appalling. They hired a nude model one day to drape herself over a car for a photoshoot, and I was disgusted at some of the things they said about her behind her back.

None of it was targeted at me - they were extremely polite and well behaved to me. I think I must have given off some pretty fierce vibes! I have no idea what they said when I was not present, but I don't care. That sort of person is not worth my time.

Nick said...

Jay: That sounds like a pretty horrible experience at Revs. I can't see the routine of using scantily clad (and naked) women to sell products ending any time soon. You must have been perpetually seething at the way the men behaved. I shudder to think what they might have said behind your back when you weren't around.

Jenny Woolf said...

I believe you because I went to many different schools. One secondary school the kids talked of nothing but sex, the second and third secondary schools it was just about never mentioned, at least not among the girls.

Nick said...

Jenny: Thank you for that, some people clearly don't believe me! But not all teenage boys are "testosterone fulled" as the old cliché has it. My schoolmates were wannabe rock stars rather than wannabe sex studs!

joared said...

The attitudes, language and behaviors we experience when we’re young and growing up, plus the model of those we admire can have considerable influence on how we conduct ourselves. Glad you had the benefit of environments that didn’t encourage gross inconsiderate behavior. All of us, whatever our gender, bare responsibility for how we interact with one another.

Nick said...

Joared: All those childhood influences play a huge part in how we choose to behave as adults. I'm lucky I wasn't exposed at an impressionable age to the sort of misogynistic attitudes that so many men display.