Wednesday, 16 July 2014

Sometimes

Sometimes I feel as fragile as a soft-boiled egg.
Sometimes I feel as tough as old boots.
Sometimes I want to roll on the lawn like a puppy.
Sometimes I want to be as still as a statue.
Sometimes I want to talk complete gibberish and spout imaginary languages and laugh like an idiot and pull ridiculous faces.
Sometimes I want to hide behind a tree.
Sometimes I want to stick out like a sore thumb.
Sometimes I want to turn cartwheels on the beach.
Sometimes I want to be invisible.
Sometimes my brain is like sludge and I'm not at all sure who I am or what I'm doing or why I'm thinking of tractors or how I managed to cut my left thumb.
Sometimes it's all too much and I just want to crawl into a hole and die.
Sometimes I'm so happy I could just float away and I want the moment to go on forever.
Sometimes I feel like a bowl of custard.
Sometimes I feel like a turnip.
Sometimes I feel inside out and upside down.
Sometimes I feel I'm the wrong way round.
Sometimes I'm waiting for the punchline.
Sometimes I'm waiting for the trick question.
Sometimes I feel like a fish out of water.
Sometimes I feel like pie in the sky.
And sometimes there's a knock at the door and it's the Jehovah's Witnesses and they ask me if I'd like a copy of the Watchtower and I say no thanks I belong to the Sisters of Perpetual Indulgence and they blink uncertainly like lost kittens and I tell them I can smell something burning and I close the door.

21 comments:

Bijoux said...

Sometimes I like to eat pie, sometimes I like to eat cake. Sometimes I tell the JW that I'm sad they can't celebrate their birthdays.

Nick said...

Bijoux: There's something about pies - fruit pies, vegetable pies, cheese and onion pies, custard pies. Bring them on!

Who are JW?

Keith Smith said...

Sometimes I want to be left alone. I have a burning desire to become a recluse, and live in a cave in the wilds of Luton.

susie said...

I thought the Jehovah's Witnesses were visiting recently. I went hiding in the bathroom. It was actually the Republicans.

(Conservative Party...)

Bijoux said...

JW = Jehovah's Witness

Wisewebwoman said...

Sometimes I want to completely blend with a driver coming towards me.

XO
WWW

CheerfulMonk said...

I love the bit about the JW. :)

Nick said...

Bijoux: Of course. Silly me!

Keith: I often have a yen to live in a remote mountain cave. Trouble is, I've spent 67 years living with the beguiling trappings of consumerism and I suspect living without them would rapidly become hellish.

Susie: Hiding in the bathroom is a good tactic. Also works for the Republicans! And believe me, I know all about the Republicans and their fanatical right-wing agenda. What the US Republicans do today, the British Conservatives will do tomorrow.

Nick said...

www: I often have that fantasy as well. Then I think of all the things I enjoy, all the people I love, all the people who love me, and I stick to my side of the road.

Jean: Not quite the honest truth of course. Usually I just say "No thanks, I'm not religious, goodbye."

Nick said...

Sometimes my regular visitors are a bit bemused by something I've posted and they're not sure how to respond....

Suburbia said...

Brilliant!

Nick said...

Suburbia: I think we all have hundreds of bizarre thoughts and feelings that we'd prefer not to mention....

Anonymous said...

Today I want to "Not move like a statue". But company is coming in a couple days & there's work to be done.

bikehikebabe

Nick said...

Bikehikebabe: I know, doesn't that sort of feeling come on at just the wrong time?

Ursula said...

It could be worse, Nick. Better as fragile as a "soft boiled egg" than a raw one.

U

Nick said...

Ursula: Well, unless someone dips their "soldiers" into the middle of your yoke.

Secret Agent Woman said...

I can identify with many of those. Except the custard and turnip bit - never feel like either of those!

Rummuser said...

This post brought memories of this:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oA_55K75kOY

Nick said...

Agent: Glad you have (most of) these weird thoughts and feelings as well! I'm sure most people do.

Ramana: "Oh, sometimes I wish I could fly, Fly like a bird up in the sky" I often wish that. The sight of an effortlessly gliding bird is so beautiful.

Liz Hinds said...

I shall remember that next time the JWs call.

Nick said...

Liz: I dare you! I'm surprised we don't see more of them, they have a Kingdom Hall just a few hundred yards away.