Clearly this is the way to finance my retirement. Our bed is an equally important and ground-breaking work of art, and I'm prepared to sell it for a very modest £500,000. If that isn't the offer of a lifetime, what is?
That bargain price-tag includes:
- Two duvets with slightly darned covers
- Three pillows of various thicknesses
- A nightshirt (mine)
- Pyjamas (Jenny's)
- A lot of crumbs (from breakfast in bed)
- The odd grease stain (moisturiser? marmalade? ointment?)
- A mislaid sock
- Some crumpled tissues
- A dead spider
- Some toenail clippings*
The giveaway price reflects the lack of any vodka bottles, condoms, fag ends or tights. However, these can be added by the new owner as required.
The bed, with all its evidence of lives fully lived, of a relationship fully realised, will be a fascinating addition to any art-loving household. Hurry, before it's snapped up by a Chinese investor! Or set on fire by an envious rival artist!
NB: Batteries not included. Not to be used by children under five. Suitable for vegetarians.
*the above list might or might not be true.
Pic: Tracey Emin, "My Bed"