Thursday, 8 November 2012

Something personal

That Kylie Tai is hard to satisfy. No sweeping generalisations please. Nothing impersonal. No news stories. No make-up hints (oh, I may have invented that one).

Writing something totally personal is surprisingly hard. There's a whole wide world out there. But let me see now:

I could say I took the dog for a walk. But I don't have a dog.

I could say I took the wife for a walk. But that would be sexist.

I could say I fell off a stepladder and broke my leg. But that would be a lie.

I could say I get dreadful depressions that last for days. Except that I don't.

I could tell you about my unusual pubic hair. But that would be Too Much Information.

I could tell you I only wear stiletto heels in the privacy of my own home. But you wouldn't be interested in that.

I could tell you I'm full of anxiety and self-doubt. But who isn't?

I could tell you who I have a massive crush on. But you would just laugh.

I could say my childhood ambition was to be a trapeze artist. But you wouldn't believe me.

I could say I had no childhood ambition whatever. But you'd think I was an utter dimwit.

God, these stilettos are killing me. I'm taking them off right now.

Where was I?

22 comments:

Cheerful Monk said...

I assume you're not dumb enough to wear stilletos. :)

Nick said...

Jean: You might think that, but I couldn't possibly comment.

kylie said...

LOL!!!
i guess you are glad you're not my hubby

Nick said...

Kylie: Oh, I think I could cope. I have plenty of experience of challenging behaviour, ha ha.

Bijoux said...

I think you think too much!

kylie said...

who do you have a crush on?

Roses said...

Where do you get Size 10 stilettos?

I'm not asking for a friend, I have Size 3 1/2 feet.

I'm just curious.

Nick said...

Bijoux: After two hours in stilettos, all thinking is impossible, ha ha.

Kylie: I think you know the answer to that one. Someone we both know very well.

Roses: I wouldn't know any sources in Norwich, sorry. But I'm sure one of your gay friends could point you in the right direction....

Or there's always the internet of course. Try this site which has a list of online stores selling high heels for men. http://highheelspassion.blogspot.co.uk/

Nick said...

But do I really wear stilettos around the house? I might just be kidding you....

Wisewebwoman said...

You have the actual website for male stilettos?

Well that tells me more than your long and rambling post does.

MY only comment would be, FFS why stilettos?

XO
WWW

Nick said...

www: I stumbled on the websites totally by accident, honest.

Long and rambling post? You saucy devil. I might have to excommunicate you.

Liz said...

I believe you wanted to be a trapeze artist; why wouldn't I?

Nick said...

Liz: Okay, I'll admit it, I never wanted to be a trapeze artist. Especially as I don't have much of a head for heights.

Grannymar said...

I like the Fishnets even if you didn't mention them! ;)

Nick said...

Grannymar: So you think I would wander round the house in fishnets? Well, you never know....

Secret Agent Woman said...

Forget the stilettos, I'm more disturbed by the "unusual pubic hair." Just mentioning it is already TMI!

e said...

I've got my laugh for the day reading this. Thanks, Nick.[.

Nick said...

Agent: But you've mentioned it as well! Don't worry, there won't be another word on the subject.

e: Laughter is the best medicine, so they say. Believe me, there are even funnier aspects of my personality, but I'm not disclosing them to you lot!

blackwatertown said...

So have you shaved it into an unusual shape?

My Top Girl asked me the other day: Daddy - what's a vajazzle?

That's what comes of watching the X factor.

(Is that what you have? Apart from the x factor - which you obviously possess.)

Nick said...

Paul: Not telling. I shall leave that tantalising mystery to your fertile imagination. But definitely no vajazzling.

Jay at The Depp Effect said...

HAhaha!

Well, now I'm curious. WHO do you have a crush on? I promise not to laugh!

Nick said...

Jay: Ooh I couldn't possibly say. It would open a can of worms!