Tuesday, 21 February 2012

Party fever

Well, the fifth blogiversary party is well under way at Nick Towers, and hundreds of guests are dancing, drinking and coking the night away in a frenzy of uninhibited enjoyment seldom seen in the sedate residential district of Belmont. Already I'm having to placate angry neighbours who're threatening to call the police or unleash their slavering dogs.

In fact I'm worried the party is getting a little out of hand. I can hear the sound of breaking glass and splintering wood from one direction, and piercing screams and ripping fabric from the other. I do hope the priceless Victorian chaise-longue and the exquisite Ming vases are still in one piece.

Various celebs have somehow heard about the glittering soirée and dropped in uninvited, but I haven't the heart to dispatch them to some far inferior gathering in the less salubrious cul de sacs of east Belfast. I won't bore you with a tedious round of name-dropping, but Katy Tunstall, Annie Lennox and Natasha Bedingfield are shrieking with laughter just a few yards away.

I dare not peek into the bedrooms to find out what unlikely couplings are taking place or whether the beds are wrecked beyond repair. I must say all the generous displays of cleavage and acres of uncovered flesh are creating an atmosphere so sexually-charged I think I shall pass out with over-excitement.

Some sort of gambling frenzy is occurring in the Janis Joplin Suite, and astounding quantities of banknotes are changing hands at dizzying speed. Suitcases full of cash are being brought in every few minutes by the chauffeurs. I gather a very famous toothpaste heiress has just kissed goodbye to a few million.

Several extremely sozzled novelists are exchanging scurrilous gossip about a certain veteran actor. They seem unaware that the actor's less famous brother is standing behind them, listening to every word. I have a feeling an ambulance might shortly be required. If not for them, for a number of guests who've visibly gone native.

Everyone agrees it's already the party to end all parties. Anybody who's missed it will be out of their mind with envy. Oh, hang on, there seem to be a couple of police officers at the door. Or are they guests in fancy dress? Or am I too stoned to tell the difference?

30 comments:

Jenny Woolf said...

I think the police might be that politician who likes to dress up in Nazi uniform. If there seem to be two, then perhaps you're seeing double?
Enjoy the rest of the canapes!

Nick said...

Jenny - That was the Republican congressman Rich Iott. He claimed it was simply a historic re-enactment. The canapés seem to be disappearing fast, I'd better grab some before they're gone.

Bijoux said...

Happy Blogiversary! I went back and read your first post; I didn't realize that Jenny had a blog too. Thanks for your thoughtful comments on my blog and I'm happy to have found you, via Agent.

Suburbia said...

Gosh Nick, what a party! I reckon the Brits will be empty tonight!!

Congrats on 5 years :-)

Nick said...

Bijoux - I'm happy to have found you too! My first post seems a very long time ago. And it even has my photo on it! Jenny's blog is very sporadic as her job keeps her so busy.

Suburbia - The organisers of the Brits can't have realised they were competing with the must-go event of the year. Heads are sure to roll tomorrow morning....

Macy said...

HA! And here I am too - hotfooting it back from Naples with the rest of the eurotrash for the party at yours!

Happy 5th!

Nick said...

Macy - Hey, glad you could make it, sweetie! Did you bring us any pizza? What, the Napolitan pizza wasn't tasty enough? Oh well, help yourself to some canapés before Florence Welch bolts the lot.

nursemyra said...

Happy blogoversary! Should I know who Katy Tunstall is?

Nick said...

Hang on, Florence is meant to be at the Brits. Do I have an impostor on my hands?

Nick said...

Myra - Katy (K T) Tunstall is a brilliant rock musician. She's done gigs in Australia, maybe she'll be back there again....

John Gray said...

get some police in! I love a man in uniform!

Grannymar said...

I'm late, I'm late for this very important date! Will there be room for me when I get there.

Happy fifth blogoversary and may you have many more!

kylie said...

john, i'll fight you for them!


nick,
congratulations! enjoy the party, wish i was at nick towers right now :)

i love it when you let your hair down like this, its a great post

xx

Nick said...

John - Can't say I've ever been turned on by uniforms. Pencil skirts and high heels on the other hand (and that's just the men....)

Grannymar - It's getting pretty crowded, but I'm sure we can squeeze you in somewhere. And there are plenty of toyboys to amuse you!

Kylie - If you're ever in Ireland, you're very welcome at Nick Towers. Letting my hair down appeals, huh? I must do it more often then....

Secret Agent Woman said...

COngratulations. I'm coming up on my 6th, myself.

Snowbrush said...

I figured they would be drinking and shooting heroin in the Janis Room. Was she known for gambling too?

Wisewebwoman said...

*drumming fingers on railing, checking hair, lipstick and glitter wrapped decollete*

Waiting, waiting for that hydro plane you promised. Pick you right up on the bay you said and whisk you off to Da Party.

What happened?

XO
WWW


And congrats from this soignee veteran of nearly 7 years. Yawn.

Nick said...

Agent - Ooh, really *discreet ripple of envy*

Snowbrush - Not that I know of. But I expect Janis would be quite happy to have an even wilder reputation.

www - Sorry about that, the pilot couldn't locate you. It was very dark at the time and her satnav was broken. She'll try again in a couple of hours.

Seven years? *further discreet ripple of envy*

Scarlet Blue said...

Well, I would have come to the party if I'd had an invite.

*exits in a huff of scarlet*
**knocks over IMITATION Ming vase on way**

Sx

Happy fifth, Nick!!! Goes quick doesn't it?

Nick said...

Scarlet - But I sent you an invite weeks ago. Bloody Royal Mail. The party's still in full swing though, do drop in anytime. I'm afraid we've run out of canapés though.

If you're not at the party, that must refer to your own imitation Ming vase. Devonian cheapskate.

Rummuser said...

The mother of all parties and I was not invited! Shows how widespread agism is. Tch tch, I am disappointed in you Nick.

Anyway, congratulations on the milestone. May the blog see many more.

Nick said...

Ramana - You just don't want to admit that when I sent my special private jet to collect you, you said you couldn't come after all, you were having a bad-hair day and there was a huge boil on your nose.

Anonymous said...

This party doesn't seem like one the Nick I know would give. But I'd like to have come & seen it.

I'm bikehikebabe aka Cynthia.
Don't know how to get my mug (gravatar) shown here.

Nick said...

Cynthia - Oh, I'm a total tearaway really. I just pretend to be this quiet old gentleman with his nose stuck in a book.

I don't understand this avatar business either. Mine comes up on some blogs but not on others.

e said...

Congratulations, Nick and I hope you are around for at least five more...

Nick said...

e - Thanks! Goodness, I'll be almost a septuagenarian by then....

blackwatertown said...

Don't go thinking I didn't turn up. That was me under the pile of coats in the bedroom with KY and Annie.

Nick said...

Blackwater - I wondered where the muffled cries for help were coming from....

speccy said...

I missed it! Tho I did wonder what the noise fromn the east was...
That sounds like a rather wonderful party, but I'm still too young (in bloggy years I'm not even 1) for that sort of behaviour ;)

Nick said...

Speccy - You missed it? The party of the decade? What were you thinking of? Don't tell me you preferred some smoochy movie on the telly....