Tuesday, 7 April 2009

Gimmee chocolate

It's not all doom and gloom and businesses going to the wall. Like sex toys, luxury chocolates are enjoying a sales boom as people look for little treats and put that long-haul holiday on ice.

London's now said to be the chocolate capital of the world, full of famous names like Rococo, Prestat and William Curley. Everyone's snapping up their truffles, pralines and fondants as if there's no tomorrow.

There's even a wine-type vocabulary developing to enhance your taste experience. As William Curley puts it "Good chocolate always has length. If there's an immediate burst and then it dies on you, it isn't made with the best beans."

Always has length? Well, I must say I prefer six inches of chocolate to one inch. A richer sensation in every way. Size definitely matters, I say.

My usual comment of "Good stuff, that" is clearly hopelessly vulgar and proletarian. I should of course be remarking on the superior width and depth and overall dimensions of truffle flavour. While casually running my tape measure over it, naturally.

Not that I eat chocolate for pure hedonistic ecstasy, needless to say. I eat it solely for the health benefits of lower blood pressure, mood enhancement, reduced cholesterol and increased longevity. A large bar of Toblerone is obviously reducing the burden on the hard-pressed NHS.

And how lucky that we humans can enjoy a taste paradise animals can't. Apparently chocolate is toxic to animals because they find it hard to digest the substance theobromine. They could suffer seizures or even death. Cats and dogs included. So keep that king-size Mars Bar well away from Fido.

Now if you'll excuse me, I'm off to Thorntons for some essential medical supplies. Gift-wrapped of course.
..................................................................................

And now the journos are getting all excited about Michelle Obama wearing Dusty Springfield-style false eyelashes. How much more of this tripe?

25 comments:

conortje said...

'Always has length? Well, I must say I prefer six inches of chocolate to one inch' hehe my favourite line from any blog in ages :-)

Nick said...

Conor - We aim to please. A blog that contains all the essential nutrients. And so easily digestible.

Grannymar said...

Nick, I'll join you purely 'for the health benefits of lower blood pressure, mood enhancement, reduced cholesterol and increased longevity'!

Nick said...

Grannymar - Chocolate has so many health benefits I can probably get it on (free) prescription.

Wisewebwoman said...

Oh right, we're all in it for the health benefits of six inches.
I get it, late as I am to the party 'n all.
XO
WWW

Nick said...

www - Yep, the more inches, the healthier you get. Those Toblerone bars are pretty long.

Suburbia said...

The desirability of 6 inches of chocolate, together with a mention of sex toys?!! That should get your 'ratings' up (so to speak!!!!)

;)

Nick said...

Suburbia - Preferably both at once, of course. If only I could have worked in children, animals, birthdays and Barack Obama, my viewing figures would have rocketed....

Now where did I leave those Belgian chocolates?

Baino said...

Well if there's ever an excuse to indulge it's now! Even Easter eggs are cheaper this year . . Two Dream eggs for $10! Wahay! Actually, I'm not a chocolaholic but have a fellow blogger who gets paid to TEST chocolate, how good it that! . .What a job! Then the guilt sets in and I think about child slavery and have to seek out Fair Trade chocky at double the price from the Oxfam shop!
http://www.chocablog.com/

Nick said...

Baino - Wot, you can get paid to test chocolate? Where do I apply? Mind you, if I were eating chocolate all day, I think the attraction might wear off....

Hullaballoo said...

I am thinking six inches of toblerone might make a rather sado masochistic sex toy ;)).

Nick said...

Hulla - Really, the comments on this post are getting outrageous, I shall have to consult my lawyer. My Toblerone is strictly for oral consumption, I'll have you know.

Hullaballoo said...

Even a S and M officianado might whince slightly at having six inches of toblerone in their gob. That stuff is positively dangerous without lubrication.

It may be a good idea to consult your lawyer, cos everyone knows they're not at all kinky lol.

Liz said...

Every day I hear of a new benefit of eating chocolate. What was the latest? Oh, yes, helps you count backwards in threes. Invaluable.

I am not really a chocoholic apparently because I don't like dark chocolate. I do it just for the sweetness so luxury chocs are wasted on me. I'm happy with a CDM and Maltesers any day of the week.

Nick said...

Hulla - Well obviously I was assuming copious lubrication. What do you take me for?

Liz - Yes, I read about chocolate making you better at mental arithmetic. That means I'll be better at calculating how long the remaining chunks of Toblerone will last.

heartinsanfrancisco said...

I feel like such a Plebeian as I had no idea size mattered in the chocolate realm, although I've always been a bit of a chocosnob in that Hershey's doesn't even register. Give me Godiva or give me death.

Nick said...

Heart - I tried Hershey's once and thought it was disgusting. Why it's so popular I can't imagine. I've never tried Godiva chocolates. I'd have to order them online as they only have shops in London and Kent.

gaudiumdegaea said...

TOBLERONE!!!! Enough said :) yumm

Nick said...

Gaye - Aha, someone who shares my addiction. Isn't that taste just divine?

Los Angelista said...

You MUST try Godiva, Nick. It is positively divine. It's SO good that eating 6 inches of it would be like OD'ing.

But, most chocolate bars for sale in the candy aisle are disgusting to me. I like the tasty and pricey stuff. One of my friends was in France and brought me back some fancy truffles... which my husband promptly ate when I wasn't paying attention. No kidding, I contemplated divorce right then and there!

And seriously, can't they just chill on Mrs. Obama?

Nick said...

LA Liz - With that ecstatic recommendation, how can I not try Godiva? I must track some down somehow. If they're that good, I'd have to keep them well away from the missus, though.

On my edge sun said...

Ummmm chocolate. Just rediscovered the taste for it via chocolate egg varieties given to me last week. Thorntons is for the moment a no go zone in case I get tempted to go and nom the whole shop.

Nick said...

Sun - Yes, it's a good job chocolate isn't too accessible. If I had a chocolate shop next door, it would be ruination, I'd be 20 stone by now.

Anne in Oxfordshire said...

American chocolate is a no go area, and as for UK chocolate, it is YUK..they really do not know how to make it... go to France, Belguim, Italy or Spain , it is out of this world, and you do not have to eat a whole bar of it to get satisfaction..:-)

Nick said...

Anne - Haven't tried much American chocolate, but Hershey's is horrible! I like UK chocolate, but that's probably because I've been eating it for 62 years! You're right though about other European countries making fabulous chocolate.