tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3467242994126386706.post6123478272728555310..comments2024-03-28T07:49:04.960+00:00Comments on nickhereandnow: Put it behind younickhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10472673041193755894noreply@blogger.comBlogger26125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3467242994126386706.post-42606568449097139452022-06-26T14:14:19.237+01:002022-06-26T14:14:19.237+01:00Kylie: Yes, I think that's right, people creat...Kylie: Yes, I think that's right, people create a "new normal" rather than "getting over it". And as you say, the fact that my mum never knew what happened to her brother must have intensified her grief.nickhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/10472673041193755894noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3467242994126386706.post-26444575855438983052022-06-26T09:53:14.368+01:002022-06-26T09:53:14.368+01:00My learning around grief and trauma says that we d...My learning around grief and trauma says that we don't get over things or put them behind us but we do create our "new normal" <br />People who tell us to get over it are uncomfortable and want relief. <br />Your mums situation was complicated by the lack of information and resolution, a very difficult form of griefkyliehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/08964475783207438103noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3467242994126386706.post-33161349428210727092022-06-24T07:56:21.622+01:002022-06-24T07:56:21.622+01:00Ann: Yes, it's tempting to act the wise friend...Ann: Yes, it's tempting to act the wise friend who has just the right bit of useful advice, but quite often that advice is inappropriate and clueless.nickhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/10472673041193755894noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3467242994126386706.post-19971091479286347162022-06-24T07:53:42.092+01:002022-06-24T07:53:42.092+01:00Polly: I've never had to deal with a major tra...Polly: I've never had to deal with a major trauma in my life but I can quite understand how pervasive it can be and how you can't just shoo it away.nickhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/10472673041193755894noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3467242994126386706.post-56472652185245210702022-06-24T07:51:02.989+01:002022-06-24T07:51:02.989+01:00Mary: Jesus, what a horrifying thing to happen. Yo...Mary: Jesus, what a horrifying thing to happen. You could hardly just put it behind you.nickhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/10472673041193755894noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3467242994126386706.post-578630658974873922022-06-24T02:51:54.023+01:002022-06-24T02:51:54.023+01:00Easy answers are irresistible. I have mixed feelin...Easy answers are irresistible. I have mixed feelings about trauma. Some of the awful things that have happened to us do make us more resilient. With death and loss, I don't think any of us really move past it. I know I feel a lot of regret. I can see your mother feeling the loss of her brother. <br /><br />Telling someone to move on can be callous and could be a matter of being practical. I had someone to chastise me about something they had no way of knowing the enormity of what I was dealing with and living through. So, I avoid them. I don't care to slosh my business to an acquaintance. But we all are in danger of crossing a line with unsolicited advice.Ann Bennetthttps://www.blogger.com/profile/17759967601352382204noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3467242994126386706.post-67896107687278849152022-06-23T23:24:28.943+01:002022-06-23T23:24:28.943+01:00Thankfully there is now more awareness of, and hel...Thankfully there is now more awareness of, and help for, mental health, stress and anxiety. I think some non sufferers feel embarrassed and don't know how to deal with it. It's never easy to just put it behind you. Having said that I think there has to come a time when the person needs to try to learn to accept what's happened and live with it. It's never going to be easy. Pollyhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/10502031456581056874noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3467242994126386706.post-28924667888343697352022-06-23T22:20:20.305+01:002022-06-23T22:20:20.305+01:00I think sometimes those people don't understan...I think sometimes those people don't understand because they've never had a huge trauma like that to deal with and they just don't understand what it's like and think you can just put it behind you if you try hard enough. I had PTSD for many years because my mom's boyfriend shot himself in the head in front of me when I was 12. Thankfully none of my family or therapists told me to just put it behind me.Mary Kirklandhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/04991095291522043588noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3467242994126386706.post-81397887281999055862022-06-23T17:03:10.742+01:002022-06-23T17:03:10.742+01:00Ursula: I never said that life in general is easy....Ursula: I never said that life in general is easy. You've missed my point.nickhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/10472673041193755894noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3467242994126386706.post-11941941189026378812022-06-23T09:30:56.131+01:002022-06-23T09:30:56.131+01:00Easy? Little in life is easy. Only the impatient w...Easy? Little in life is easy. Only the impatient want immediate results.<br /><br />No one becomes a shoe maker, a tailor or a competent sailor in a day. It's a matter of applying yourself, Nick. Applying yourself whole heartedly, patiently, giving it time. No ifs, no buts. Trust me. Of course, and it would be disingenuous of me to say otherwise, some of us are naturals where others have to strive.<br /><br />UUrsulahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/00722046288685936851noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3467242994126386706.post-25092262439903364492022-06-23T07:58:09.218+01:002022-06-23T07:58:09.218+01:00Ursula: Ah, the old Buddhist maxim "let the t...Ursula: Ah, the old Buddhist maxim "let the thought arise, let it pass". Well, it may be easy enough for veteran gurus, but not so easy for us mere mortals.nickhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/10472673041193755894noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3467242994126386706.post-13033839462164276122022-06-23T07:54:46.757+01:002022-06-23T07:54:46.757+01:00Beatrice: Yes, dwelling on what was said or not sa...Beatrice: Yes, dwelling on what was said or not said, done or not done, means you can't just "put it behind you".nickhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/10472673041193755894noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3467242994126386706.post-53899931190942641982022-06-22T21:44:18.066+01:002022-06-22T21:44:18.066+01:00As you say in your last paragraph, someone's g...As you say in your last paragraph, someone's grief (a grief for whatever reason) makes some by-standers uncomfortable. They want you "to move on" for their sake, not yours. On one memorable occasion one of my sisters shouted at me: "Don't bring that up again!" <br /><br />The other sister, the one that caused the damage, took the easy way out. By severing all contact. <br /><br />Upshot being: It took me three years, a few sessions with a bereavement counsellor and my son's unstinting support and calm(ing) introduction to "let the thought arise, let it pass" to get over grieving for the still living. <br /><br />I am lucky in as much as I have been able to "put it behind" me. Maybe my mettle was put to the test. <br /><br />However, and I can't stress this enough, we all grieve in our own time, at our own pace. And let no one but no one compound that grief by telling you it's gone on long enough.<br /><br />UUrsulahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/00722046288685936851noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3467242994126386706.post-78694853799051528632022-06-22T21:30:49.388+01:002022-06-22T21:30:49.388+01:00Nick, I do not believe it's possible to put tr...Nick, I do not believe it's possible to put traumatic events, deaths of loved ones or friends behind us, especially when there are regrets about things said, not said, or undone. It has been that way in my own experiences and perhaps for others as well.Beatrice P. Boydhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/08281239556392874979noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3467242994126386706.post-63396450632583248002022-06-22T08:20:37.204+01:002022-06-22T08:20:37.204+01:00Joanne: I'm glad to know that. I was wondering...Joanne: I'm glad to know that. I was wondering if I might get a forceful disagreement from someone!nickhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/10472673041193755894noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3467242994126386706.post-57477077508764842412022-06-22T01:31:51.198+01:002022-06-22T01:31:51.198+01:00I agree with every word above, to the top.I agree with every word above, to the top.Joanne Noragonhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/16601010208310707750noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3467242994126386706.post-60607482783770446442022-06-21T17:27:53.437+01:002022-06-21T17:27:53.437+01:00Ms Scarlet: Very good ! That sums it up neatly.Ms Scarlet: Very good ! That sums it up neatly.nickhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/10472673041193755894noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3467242994126386706.post-52064670511954438972022-06-21T17:27:16.414+01:002022-06-21T17:27:16.414+01:00www: You can wish away trauma as much as you like,...www: You can wish away trauma as much as you like, but it'll only go away when it's good and ready, if it goes away at all.nickhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/10472673041193755894noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3467242994126386706.post-13848404225127468462022-06-21T17:24:08.022+01:002022-06-21T17:24:08.022+01:00Bijoux: I hope so. Certainly more and more people ...Bijoux: I hope so. Certainly more and more people are admitting to mental health problems and seeking professional help.nickhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/10472673041193755894noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3467242994126386706.post-50862508101866830602022-06-21T17:22:33.055+01:002022-06-21T17:22:33.055+01:00Ramana: Indeed. Emotional injury can lodge itself ...Ramana: Indeed. Emotional injury can lodge itself very firmly in your psyche.nickhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/10472673041193755894noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3467242994126386706.post-69638511526075601392022-06-21T17:21:09.227+01:002022-06-21T17:21:09.227+01:00Joared: Yes, you can't necessarily "put i...Joared: Yes, you can't necessarily "put it behind you" but you can maybe find a way of living with it that makes life a bit easier.nickhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/10472673041193755894noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3467242994126386706.post-42526479595631854822022-06-21T14:52:16.801+01:002022-06-21T14:52:16.801+01:00If trauma is behind you it will bite you on the bu...If trauma is behind you it will bite you on the bum.<br />SxMs Scarlethttps://www.blogger.com/profile/00449626572478125088noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3467242994126386706.post-4687791094218932562022-06-21T13:13:56.624+01:002022-06-21T13:13:56.624+01:00No such thing as "behind". Trauma and gr...No such thing as "behind". Trauma and grief lives on in the psyche much as others wish them away. Or don't deal by ingesting some mind altering substances. And trauma is multi-generational. Studies have been done on holocaust survivors and those few who survived the Great Hunger in Ireland. Not to mention the millions of abuses by religions. It's a dreadfully abusive thing to say to anyone. And how very sad for your mum, endless grief and absence of her brother.<br />XO<br />WWWWisewebwomanhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/15281689872840844191noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3467242994126386706.post-74190226770474889852022-06-21T12:47:09.081+01:002022-06-21T12:47:09.081+01:00Hopefully we are nearing the time where it becomes...Hopefully we are nearing the time where it becomes the norm to seek out mental health treatment.Bijouxhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/05788630004051883635noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3467242994126386706.post-55388505913634941832022-06-21T12:37:28.436+01:002022-06-21T12:37:28.436+01:00It is just a cliche. One simply cannot put such t...It is just a cliche. One simply cannot put such things behind and move on.Ramana Rajgopaulnoreply@blogger.com