tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3467242994126386706.post3345700649405338559..comments2024-03-28T07:49:04.960+00:00Comments on nickhereandnow: Tucked awaynickhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10472673041193755894noreply@blogger.comBlogger28125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3467242994126386706.post-38247673161061612422013-08-13T17:44:58.530+01:002013-08-13T17:44:58.530+01:00Jenny: No, I haven't read Ruby Wax's book....Jenny: No, I haven't read Ruby Wax's book. I must take a look at it. Thanks for the suggestion.<br /><br />Ramana: I don't think I'm afraid of pain. I just always have the residue of it at the back of my mind.Nicknoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3467242994126386706.post-47379626868609469382013-08-13T16:30:18.352+01:002013-08-13T16:30:18.352+01:00Pain certainly, but later on what makes us what we...Pain certainly, but later on what makes us what we are is the fear of that pain. We can become free if we drop fear and just be spontaneous.Rummuserhttp://www.rummuser.comnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3467242994126386706.post-67005828460860676822013-08-13T16:29:28.158+01:002013-08-13T16:29:28.158+01:00Yes, it can be very hard to keep on top of bad and...Yes, it can be very hard to keep on top of bad and sad feelings. I was reading Ruby Waxs book the other day and she suggests "mindfulness". Seemed quite a good idea to me. Have you read the book?Jenny Woolfhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/16881781466502273314noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3467242994126386706.post-28870844229882668312013-08-12T21:19:41.970+01:002013-08-12T21:19:41.970+01:00Mrs Madrigal: Very true that not only do those exp...Mrs Madrigal: Very true that not only do those experiences shape us but influence our decisions. Hopefully decisions that will mean better friends, greater self-awareness and a happier life.Nicknoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3467242994126386706.post-42089067732157196152013-08-12T20:18:47.809+01:002013-08-12T20:18:47.809+01:00You move on with life because there is only one ot...You move on with life because there is only one other option. Bad Things may become farther away with time but they have shaped you and the decisions you have made because of them. <br />I'm not a fan of the phrase 'what doesn't kill you makes you stronger', because I just don't think it's true. But I believe that what doesn't kill you makes you who you are. Cathy746bookshttps://www.blogger.com/profile/16105069056907395755noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3467242994126386706.post-17979628142395941102013-08-11T12:07:36.767+01:002013-08-11T12:07:36.767+01:00Bonsaimum: I agree, concentrate on being happy and...Bonsaimum: I agree, concentrate on being happy and don't let the arseholes think they've upset you. And have as little as possible to do with them.Nicknoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3467242994126386706.post-50699149555685317282013-08-11T11:51:29.824+01:002013-08-11T11:51:29.824+01:00I am like the proverbial elephant-I never forget.S...I am like the proverbial elephant-I never forget.Some cases I will never forgive. But I just move on with life and try to be happy just to spite the lot of them.bonsaimumhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/07684530085331629758noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3467242994126386706.post-51185279575963194652013-08-11T09:15:52.898+01:002013-08-11T09:15:52.898+01:00Jay: The idea that a lesson will be presented over...Jay: The idea that a lesson will be presented over and over until we learn it makes a lot of sense. I do tend to pick over painful experiences quite thoroughly. Sometimes I can see what went wrong and I can change my behaviour accordingly, other times I'm just baffled and stunned.<br /><br />Yes, the sting can go out of painful memories, but they still hover in the background like a clump of nettles, like unfinished business.Nicknoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3467242994126386706.post-84233653525850112022013-08-11T00:00:28.747+01:002013-08-11T00:00:28.747+01:00Ah how true all of this is.
Pain is a part of lif...Ah how true all of this is.<br /><br />Pain is a part of life. We are going to experience it, and some of us get to experience more of it than others, and some of us deal with it better than others. But you're absolutely right: the pain of these emotional or psychological wounds does not go away, and you can't package it up and MAKE it go away. <br /><br />Of course, it's also true that if you choose to ignore it and try to forget without processing it, it will come and bite you sometime in the future.<br /><br />My take on dealing with pain and unpleasant experiences is this: we are here in this life to learn, and when we are given something to learn and we refuse to learn it, that lesson will be presented in a different form, again and again, until we do.<br /><br />So my own philosophy is that I need to examine the events and my responses carefully at some stage. Not right away, because that's too difficult, but at some point when it's all settled down to 'bearable'. If I do that, I find that the sting tends to go out of them. <br /><br />Works for me. I have no idea if it would also work for you. We are all different.Jay at The Depp Effecthttp://www.thedeppeffect.comnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3467242994126386706.post-10502452247375754122013-08-10T12:30:55.298+01:002013-08-10T12:30:55.298+01:00Kylie: There is no God? Shock horror, pass the sme...Kylie: There is no God? Shock horror, pass the smelling salts etc etc :-)Nicknoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3467242994126386706.post-83879243612860780892013-08-10T12:27:14.083+01:002013-08-10T12:27:14.083+01:00Cinnamon: I think you're right that love is th...Cinnamon: I think you're right that love is the antidote to pain. Luckily I have one very loving relationship which helps a great deal. But your concept of love is broader than that of course. I do think I'm worthy of being loved unconditionally, the problem is other people who will only love me or like me conditionally, so there are parts of myself I'm hesitant to expose.<br /><br />I do indeed do a lot of little things that enable me to value myself despite how others may see me. There are many things that give me huge pleasure and keep the pain in the background.<br /><br />Faith? What faith? You mean my general optimism about life, despite all evidence to the contrary?Nicknoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3467242994126386706.post-69739327929417234592013-08-10T11:13:53.578+01:002013-08-10T11:13:53.578+01:00Cinnamon, you're dead on about love!
and thank...Cinnamon, you're dead on about love!<br />and thank you for the compliment. <br /><br />just so you all know i'm not some religious superfreak ,just this week in a momentof frustration i declared that there is no Godkyliehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/08964475783207438103noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3467242994126386706.post-63182889884729665332013-08-10T08:43:28.740+01:002013-08-10T08:43:28.740+01:00Kylie: We're well-off at the moment but that m...Kylie: We're well-off at the moment but that may not last. Therapy might be helpful though.<br /><br />I think it's difficult for me to judge the effect of faith on your life because I can't see how you are inwardly applying your faith.Nicknoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3467242994126386706.post-21627217900096512822013-08-10T08:41:42.860+01:002013-08-10T08:41:42.860+01:00And Kylie I have always admired the way you carry ...And Kylie I have always admired the way you carry your faith xxCinnamonhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/06175128169243707957noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3467242994126386706.post-31068152387702159452013-08-10T08:38:55.498+01:002013-08-10T08:38:55.498+01:00I think Love is the antidote to pain. I don't ...I think Love is the antidote to pain. I don't mean romantic Love, but coming to a point where you know that you are worthy of being loved unconditionally, either by a higher being or vicariously by another human being. Doing little things to make yourself proud of yourself, setting a small goal and achieving it, gives you a sense of value in yourself which helps to reduce the power of those hurtful voices in your life. Hope this doesn't sound trite or prescriptive, I just hate to think of people living with pain, whether physical or emotional xxCinnamonhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/06175128169243707957noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3467242994126386706.post-81495005623254769772013-08-10T08:28:56.558+01:002013-08-10T08:28:56.558+01:00with seeming financial security and probably not a...with seeming financial security and probably not a huge number of coming expenses (no kids to raise or house to buy) what better to do with money than to look after your psyche?<br /><br />as a Christian it is my intention to make true the statement "I no longer live but Christ lives in me" <br />in the case that i am managing that, then yes, i guess my response to pain is a result of my faith. <br />i tend to think that people observing me are possibly better equipped to judge what difference faith makes in my lifekyliehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/08964475783207438103noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3467242994126386706.post-1933520288128040022013-08-10T07:51:29.270+01:002013-08-10T07:51:29.270+01:00Kylie: Yes, I could have therapy now, but it would...Kylie: Yes, I could have therapy now, but it would still be pretty costly so I'm hesitant to go down that route. It seems you're able to deal with pain in a way that prevents it becoming a long-term difficulty. Does religious belief help, do you think?Nicknoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3467242994126386706.post-54173141344039623682013-08-10T07:44:13.349+01:002013-08-10T07:44:13.349+01:00Hi Cinnamon! What a lovely thing to say, that desp...Hi Cinnamon! What a lovely thing to say, that despite all the pain I'm still a compassionate person. I certainly would never take my pain out on other people, they have enough pain of their own to deal with - much worse pain in a lot of cases. Crippling grief, sexual abuse, you name it.Nicknoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3467242994126386706.post-14508032054246153152013-08-10T02:46:11.091+01:002013-08-10T02:46:11.091+01:00nick,
why do you think you should have had therapy...nick,<br />why do you think you should have had therapy when you were younger? isnt now as good a time as any?<br /><br />i think i can honestly say that i dont have a background noise of pain in my life. i have had deep deep pain and it has made its impression but it doesnt exist as pain any more.<br /> kyliehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/08964475783207438103noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3467242994126386706.post-54245100080905514352013-08-09T22:45:29.028+01:002013-08-09T22:45:29.028+01:00I think you do very well Nick. This is a heartrend...I think you do very well Nick. This is a heartrending post...but it is heartwarming to know that in spite of all that horrible pain, you have become the compassionate person you are. There are all sorts of platitudes about healing, but you have shared a little of the pain in this post, so that can only be a good thing? XxxCinnamonhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/06175128169243707957noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3467242994126386706.post-20058990045367690292013-08-09T22:29:22.662+01:002013-08-09T22:29:22.662+01:00Agent: Well, I think I do quite well at not lettin...Agent: Well, I think I do quite well at not letting past hurts poison me, but they're always a sort of disturbing background noise. I probably should have had more therapy when I was younger, but I couldn't afford it in those days!Nicknoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3467242994126386706.post-71689886858890846382013-08-09T21:45:06.300+01:002013-08-09T21:45:06.300+01:00Why thank you, e!
I think ultimately we all make ...Why thank you, e!<br /><br />I think ultimately we all make a choice about whether to let past hurts poison us or not. Of course it's not easy to heal - it takes work. But it can be done. And although the painful memories will likely always be there, you can choose whether or not to make a home for them in your heart or to acknowledge them when they arise and let them go again.Secret Agent Womanhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/07564690116156754219noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3467242994126386706.post-29242173455266706662013-08-09T20:44:37.672+01:002013-08-09T20:44:37.672+01:00Grannymar: In my experience they may fade a bit, t...Grannymar: In my experience they may fade a bit, though as Bijoux said, something in the present can easily revive painful memories. But yes, a sympathetic confidante helps a lot.Nicknoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3467242994126386706.post-26174062884670648192013-08-09T18:14:28.770+01:002013-08-09T18:14:28.770+01:00The marks can stay etched inside like surface scar...The marks can stay etched inside like surface scars, but hopefully with time they will fade and be less noticeable t us as the years go by. A good partner or friends to confide in certainly helps. Grannymarhttp://grannymar.wordpress.com/noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3467242994126386706.post-26043290663914340562013-08-09T17:10:21.189+01:002013-08-09T17:10:21.189+01:00Bijoux: True, some find it easier to let go than o...Bijoux: True, some find it easier to let go than others. Also true that events in the present can stir up old hurts. But using your children to deal with it is pretty bad.<br /><br />www: Thank you! Yes, we may be able to reduce the pain, but it seldom goes away entirely. The roots can go very deep.<br /><br />e: Indeed, there's plenty of raw material for therapists to consider. And in some cases they achieve remarkable results.Nicknoreply@blogger.com