tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3467242994126386706.post819126430931634948..comments2024-03-28T07:49:04.960+00:00Comments on nickhereandnow: It doesn't take muchnickhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10472673041193755894noreply@blogger.comBlogger47125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3467242994126386706.post-61247734433774429992012-11-14T13:36:58.668+00:002012-11-14T13:36:58.668+00:00Jenny: Oh indeed, heaven preserve me from those lo...Jenny: Oh indeed, heaven preserve me from those loudmouth, bumptious types!<br /><br />It really annoys me how many parents justify their children behaving utterly obnoxiously on the basis that they're just "being a bit high-spirited."<br /><br />Leah: There certainly is. The rude children need a bit of social education - and fast.Nicknoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3467242994126386706.post-62801031967266953722012-11-14T11:43:23.960+00:002012-11-14T11:43:23.960+00:00Though there is rather a chasm of difference betwe...Though there is rather a chasm of difference between a rude child interrupting a show and someone who is at happily at ease talking to people...Leahnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3467242994126386706.post-50505743886537644512012-11-14T10:25:42.447+00:002012-11-14T10:25:42.447+00:00It takes all sorts don't you think, Nick. Life...It takes all sorts don't you think, Nick. Life would be intolerable if everyone was like some of the more bumptious people we meet - including certain politicians! <br /><br />A really horrible kid was shouting out his comments recently in a show I went to. I think everyone wished his parents would take him home and put him to bed. But they were smirking and grinning and obviously thought he was such a character. Jenny Woolfhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/16881781466502273314noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3467242994126386706.post-8320255502530641092012-11-14T09:12:37.604+00:002012-11-14T09:12:37.604+00:00Paul: Oh, I do accept the way I am. I just work ar...Paul: Oh, I do accept the way I am. I just work around my strangenesses and do my best to enjoy them rather than complain about them!Nicknoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3467242994126386706.post-44019028477727280622012-11-14T08:31:13.670+00:002012-11-14T08:31:13.670+00:00I'd refer you to those two great philosophers....I'd refer you to those two great philosophers...<br />Popeye: I yam what I yam.<br />"Dirty" Harry Callaghan: A good man always knows his limitations.<br /><br />If that's the way it is - that's the way it is - accept it and try to be happy. (I'm speaking generally here, not implying you're not.)Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3467242994126386706.post-49885553355962517902012-11-14T07:46:47.584+00:002012-11-14T07:46:47.584+00:00Murr: Spinning plates on sticks, great metaphor. A...Murr: Spinning plates on sticks, great metaphor. And I can see that could be exhausting!<br /><br />Yes, I often ask other people about themselves, I love to hear about their quirks and personal views. Sometimes they respond eagerly, but sometimes it's like getting blood out of a stone!Nicknoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3467242994126386706.post-21983545514931513382012-11-14T06:06:02.049+00:002012-11-14T06:06:02.049+00:00Not me. I love the sound of my own voice, or so I&...Not me. I love the sound of my own voice, or so I'm told. Fortunately, I like being by myself as much as anything, so I don't inflict myself on people that much. However, people love to see me show up at parties where there aren't quite enough people. It's like spinning plates on sticks. But exhausting.<br /><br />I appear to be rambling. Best thing to do in a social situation is ask people about themselves. Most people are delighted to fill you in, and walk off thinking you're brilliant.Murr Brewsterhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/03422638986410813520noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3467242994126386706.post-3418838364872249262012-11-13T21:06:14.255+00:002012-11-13T21:06:14.255+00:00Leah: Oh I don't mind a few lively (sharp-edge...Leah: Oh I don't mind a few lively (sharp-edged) comments! They're just as welcome as sympathetic agreement. And yes, once you bring in the Other, things can get very heated. But I wouldn't know about the Other, I'm sure she can speak for herself.Nicknoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3467242994126386706.post-10590762900837382762012-11-13T19:49:18.652+00:002012-11-13T19:49:18.652+00:00Well, actually I don't think it surprising tha...Well, actually I don't think it surprising that this post has generated so many excited comments. When a person confides their own personal feelings and discusses their own approach to life, others can easily listen and maybe offer some calm objective support. When a person weighs in on how the Other handles things, well, we might identify with the Other and feel compelled to speak up, to defend that Other, etc.<br /><br />It becomes more a topic for personal debate than it would had you and other commenters not weighed in on people's behavior other than your own. Not that there is anything wrong with that by the way! But expect to get some errr lively commentsLeahhttp://theweatherinthestreets.blogspot.comnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3467242994126386706.post-50664925840403776492012-11-13T07:40:57.179+00:002012-11-13T07:40:57.179+00:00Or even because of my personal kinks....Or even because of my personal kinks....Nicknoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3467242994126386706.post-43461911495491583202012-11-13T07:40:24.409+00:002012-11-13T07:40:24.409+00:00Roses: We're of one mind there!
Jean: I think...Roses: We're of one mind there!<br /><br />Jean: I think I have plenty of choices other than passive aggression, so I'm doing all right. And no, I'm not looking only for kindred spirits, I welcome different views. And actually I have a lot of fun despite all my personal kinks.Nicknoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3467242994126386706.post-30952218914291214802012-11-13T01:34:15.296+00:002012-11-13T01:34:15.296+00:00PS This is your blog. If what you want is kindred...PS This is your blog. If what you want is kindred people who feel the way you do, I'm happy to keep quiet. It's just that I was like you years ago and it wasn't much fun. That's why personal growth, developing self esteem, dealing with difficult people, becoming stress hardy, etc. became my hobby. For me it's a lot more fun, but that's just me. Cheerful Monkhttp://cheerfulmonk.comnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3467242994126386706.post-23109924711016749462012-11-12T22:46:40.036+00:002012-11-12T22:46:40.036+00:00Nick,
I just think you're using the term passi...Nick,<br />I just think you're using the term passive aggression incorrectly and are limiting your choices. If that's working for you go for it! I've actually taught classes on dealing with difficult people and think it's a fascinating subject. Cheerful Monkhttp://cheerfulmonk.comnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3467242994126386706.post-43462981237692770562012-11-12T22:41:46.687+00:002012-11-12T22:41:46.687+00:00....don't get me started on DIY. I'd rathe.......don't get me started on DIY. I'd rather go to the dentist that get a can of paint out, or a drill.<br /><br />Ugh.Roseshttps://www.blogger.com/profile/07469442580348062913noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3467242994126386706.post-12514790664995940562012-11-12T22:34:01.477+00:002012-11-12T22:34:01.477+00:00Roses: I know, so many misunderstandings and misin...Roses: I know, so many misunderstandings and misinterpretations of a very simple point. I can see you get it as well.<br /><br />I don't get the Fear with tax returns as I don't do any, but I totally get the Fear with any kind of DIY. It stresses me out big-time. I'd prefer any number of strangers to putting up a shelf.Nicknoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3467242994126386706.post-54721761105680657232012-11-12T21:17:43.097+00:002012-11-12T21:17:43.097+00:00Wow. A fairly straightforward blog post and fistic...Wow. A fairly straightforward blog post and fisticuffs in the comment thread.<br /><br />I get what you mean Nick. Some people aren't too worried about social situations, some people are.<br /><br />Personally, I'd take a room full of strangers over my tax return any day. And no, I'm not being flippant. I'm totally serious. I get The Fear with that kind of stuff.<br /><br />But, isn't it wonderful that we're all a bit different? How dull if we were all the same.Roseshttps://www.blogger.com/profile/07469442580348062913noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3467242994126386706.post-23742237561062111202012-11-12T10:24:29.436+00:002012-11-12T10:24:29.436+00:00Jean: No, I never said it would be a better approa...Jean: No, I never said it would be a better approach. I seem to be comprehensively misunderstood. Except by Suburbia who totally gets it.<br /><br />You seem to be greatly exercised by the idea of passive aggression! Personally I try to avoid it, it's very destructive and unhelpful. And actually I think most of your definition could be summed up as "obstructive"!Nicknoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3467242994126386706.post-58669126837112703342012-11-12T08:35:55.831+00:002012-11-12T08:35:55.831+00:00Nick,
So you think being combative, going in with ...Nick,<br />So you think being combative, going in with all guns blazing and telling them to take a running jump would be a better approach? It depends on the other person. If the other person's purpose is to get a rise out of you then an emotional reaction can be like wearing a "Kick Me" sign. You will have reinforced the other person's behavior. This is especially true if there is an audience that the person is playing to. It depends on the situation and the other person. <br /><br />I don't see that the term passive-aggressive is relevant here if it's a social situation. The definition seems to be<br /><br />"A pervasive pattern of negativistic attitudes and passive resistance to demands for adequate performance, beginning by early adulthood and present in a variety of contexts, as indicated by four (or more) of the following:<br /><br />(1) passively resists fulfilling routine social and occupational tasks<br />(2) complains of being misunderstood and unappreciated by others<br />(3) is sullen and argumentative<br />(4) unreasonably criticizes and scorns authority<br />(5) expresses envy and resentment toward those apparently more fortunate voices <br />(6) exaggerated and persistent complaints of personal misfortune<br />(7) alternates between hostile defiance and contrition<br /><br />It also does not occur exclusively during major depressive episodes and is not better accounted for by dysthymic disorder."<br />Cheerful Monkhttp://cheerfulmonk.comnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3467242994126386706.post-29504571689598934662012-11-12T07:44:26.980+00:002012-11-12T07:44:26.980+00:00Jean: Well, I do look for an effective nonverbal r...Jean: Well, I do look for an effective nonverbal response if there is one. But often that's just passive aggression and it's not dealing directly with what the other person has said or done.Nicknoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3467242994126386706.post-45471852451450164922012-11-12T05:50:26.661+00:002012-11-12T05:50:26.661+00:00"People sometimes wonder why I'm not more...<br />"People sometimes wonder why I'm not more combative, why I don't simply give as good as I get when someone mistreats me. Why don't I just go in with all guns blazing and tell them to take a running jump? Isn't it a bit pathetic merely to crumple and limp away?"<br /><br />Those aren't the only choices. To me arguing with nasty people is like wrestling with a pig. Remember what George Bernard Shaw said: <br /><br />"I learned long ago, never to wrestle with a pig. You get dirty, and besides, the pig likes it."<br /> <br />Why not stop giving the other person so much power over you? Why crumple? Why not choose a more powerful nonverbal response? Cheerful Monkhttp://cheerfulmonk.comnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3467242994126386706.post-62344551279688480842012-11-11T15:05:15.213+00:002012-11-11T15:05:15.213+00:00Leah: Okay. And yes, you're right, confident p...Leah: Okay. And yes, you're right, confident people need love too. Especially when people simply expect them to be confident and they feel the weight of those expectations.<br /><br />Speccy: I guess props are very important for women, less so for men. I wouldn't hide in the Gents though, it's usually pretty uninviting!Nicknoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3467242994126386706.post-15261737762562830482012-11-11T13:01:28.080+00:002012-11-11T13:01:28.080+00:00Sometimes I need props (good bag, the right outfit...Sometimes I need props (good bag, the right outfit) to hide behind, to make me feel like I fit in. Sometimes I will hide in the Ladies' if I feel threatened.<br />Most of the time I muddle through, depending on my mood/ inclination/caffeine or alcohol intake...speccyhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/12910768878700620483noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3467242994126386706.post-78370805119044493392012-11-11T12:43:21.260+00:002012-11-11T12:43:21.260+00:00confident people need love too! ;-)confident people need love too! ;-)Leahhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/14061893047279652658noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3467242994126386706.post-89788793528265918342012-11-11T12:42:45.368+00:002012-11-11T12:42:45.368+00:00I don't think I misunderstood; I was respondin...I don't think I misunderstood; I was responding to the totality of posts and comments and defending my personal confession<br /><br />:-)Leahhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/14061893047279652658noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3467242994126386706.post-385133734486673522012-11-11T12:33:59.460+00:002012-11-11T12:33:59.460+00:00Suburbia: Oh, thanks so much, that's nice to h...Suburbia: Oh, thanks so much, that's nice to hear! I'm glad we understand each other so well on this particular dilemma.Nicknoreply@blogger.com