tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3467242994126386706.post8036017087840985264..comments2024-03-28T07:49:04.960+00:00Comments on nickhereandnow: Off the boilnickhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10472673041193755894noreply@blogger.comBlogger23125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3467242994126386706.post-10470458185456191642010-10-09T13:15:31.309+01:002010-10-09T13:15:31.309+01:00Ramana - Sounds just like my own father, especiall...Ramana - Sounds just like my own father, especially the getting angry because you're not angry! As you say, most of the time anger's just not worth the bother.Nicknoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3467242994126386706.post-40415686139856292062010-10-09T07:49:48.591+01:002010-10-09T07:49:48.591+01:00Like you I had and am continuing to have a father ...Like you I had and am continuing to have a father who is short tempered and who flies of his handle at the flimsiest of excuses. No one needed to tell me not to be like him and when I am not angry, he gets angry at that reaction too! It is just not worth the bother responding to events and things with anger. I have occasionally experienced road rage but since I don't drive anymore, even that has gone from my life.rummuserhttp://www.rummuser.comnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3467242994126386706.post-13734656661302668622010-10-08T08:06:26.661+01:002010-10-08T08:06:26.661+01:00Liz - I'm also a bit of a drifter, but I don&#...Liz - I'm also a bit of a drifter, but I don't think that's connected with my lack of anger. I consciously decided not to be as irrascible as my father.Nicknoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3467242994126386706.post-68791285336694998082010-10-07T22:01:49.746+01:002010-10-07T22:01:49.746+01:00Some anger is justified but most of our anger is s...Some anger is justified but most of our anger is selfish and harmful to us and others.<br /><br />I'm not an angry person. I'm more of a drifter through life.Liz Hindshttps://www.blogger.com/profile/04646532093872561703noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3467242994126386706.post-55637252181309312462010-10-07T21:29:15.293+01:002010-10-07T21:29:15.293+01:00Fickle - I guess it can inspire in some circumstan...Fickle - I guess it can inspire in some circumstances, but so often I see it used in a destructive, manipulative way that simply bludgeons other people.Nicknoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3467242994126386706.post-37093869499659608692010-10-07T19:48:06.557+01:002010-10-07T19:48:06.557+01:00I actually understand anger. If used properly, it ...I actually understand anger. If used properly, it can incite passion and inspire. I don't think anger itself is a bad thing, you have to look at the motive, the context and the consequences first. I think.<br /><br /><a href="http://ficklecattle.blogspot.com/" rel="nofollow">I am Fickle Cattle.</a>Fickle Cattlehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/10281753566416281237noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3467242994126386706.post-13340995550305766242010-10-07T11:10:47.874+01:002010-10-07T11:10:47.874+01:00Megan - Oh I don't know, the hallmark of the m...Megan - Oh I don't know, the hallmark of the middle-class is surely aspiration, which requires self-discipline rather than self-indulgence. Plenty of self-indulgence on the side though when the self-control gets too much.Nicknoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3467242994126386706.post-76639072752583877162010-10-07T09:32:23.151+01:002010-10-07T09:32:23.151+01:00Self-indulgence is one of the curses of the middle...Self-indulgence is one of the curses of the middle class. Discuss... :)Meganhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/09387041422819664987noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3467242994126386706.post-21692044471931609642010-10-07T07:49:23.690+01:002010-10-07T07:49:23.690+01:00Megan - That was our problem as well, we never kne...Megan - That was our problem as well, we never knew what was going to set my father off. A careless remark, an untidy bedroom. Anger is extremely self-indulgent.Nicknoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3467242994126386706.post-63435494354458712872010-10-07T06:59:07.300+01:002010-10-07T06:59:07.300+01:00My father's anger was and is truly terrifying....My father's anger was and is truly terrifying. But it never lasts. It's a burst of flame. The trouble is, you never know what is going to set it off.<br /><br />I wish he had your strength.Meganhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/09387041422819664987noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3467242994126386706.post-50647389371310533472010-10-06T15:12:25.457+01:002010-10-06T15:12:25.457+01:00Val - Thanks. It was very upsetting, but at least ...Val - Thanks. It was very upsetting, but at least I got away from it eventually.Nicknoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3467242994126386706.post-39332163861695406942010-10-06T13:03:37.284+01:002010-10-06T13:03:37.284+01:00Nick - I'm sorry you had to grow up in that so...Nick - I'm sorry you had to grow up in that sort of environment where you had to be on your emotional toes all the time.Valhttp://absurdoldbird.wordpress.comnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3467242994126386706.post-47150511945535840822010-10-06T09:09:30.709+01:002010-10-06T09:09:30.709+01:00www - I think you're right that it can be a si...www - I think you're right that it can be a sign of depression and general unhappiness. And it's a very defensive thing, keeping people away from any true intimacy and self-revelation.<br /><br />No, she was my mum's mum.<br /><br />Heart - Oh dear, another angry male. It is rather typical, isn't it? I think anger scares most people, it just shuts out any tenderness and compassion.Nicknoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3467242994126386706.post-76003276598477743852010-10-06T08:58:53.993+01:002010-10-06T08:58:53.993+01:00Kylie - Good point, how to scotch anger but at the...Kylie - Good point, how to scotch anger but at the same time get people's respect. Getting angry with kids, who may find it terrifying, is definitely to be avoided. Sorry about your husband, that doesn't sound good at all.<br /><br />Secret Agent - True, anger can be a useful pointer to some other problem you're not dealing with. And yes, letting go of things that just aren't worth the anger is important.Nicknoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3467242994126386706.post-57199941351434502062010-10-06T07:50:58.601+01:002010-10-06T07:50:58.601+01:00My father, too, was an injustice collector and by ...My father, too, was an injustice collector and by trade, a criminal trial lawyer who came home every night and reenacted his day in court for my mother, reproducing his rage and indignation. I always especially irked him, which was very hard for me. Not surprisingly, he died rather young of a heart attack. To this day, angry people scare me.heartinsanfranciscohttps://www.blogger.com/profile/07535397382991383931noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3467242994126386706.post-65412839151283792602010-10-06T02:46:34.006+01:002010-10-06T02:46:34.006+01:00I grew up in a house full of one person's out ...I grew up in a house full of one person's out of control rage and anger so I am very, very leery of anyone who expresses this type of behaviour.<br />I learned in therapy that it is a major sign of depression and I truly believe that. Undealt-with emotion.<br />I am hardly ever angry, can't think of the last time except when driving.<br />One thing I would like to do is clean up my mouth. Potty mouth (another sign of repressed rage, oh dear!)<br />good on you Nick for taking Granny's advice to heart - was she your dad's mum? <br />XO<br />WWWWisewebwomanhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/15281689872840844191noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3467242994126386706.post-14666719066233060822010-10-06T02:20:19.915+01:002010-10-06T02:20:19.915+01:00The feeling of anger isn't a problem if you us...The feeling of anger isn't a problem if you use it as a cue to alerting yourself to problems. But the expression of rage is not healthy or helpful. My father and stepfather were both extraordinarily angry people and I have put a lot of effort into mastering that in myself. I'm much much better at letting things go.secret agent womanhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/03763879283931347382noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3467242994126386706.post-30974390355710646972010-10-05T22:59:17.246+01:002010-10-05T22:59:17.246+01:00great subject nick!
i made a decision early in lif...great subject nick!<br />i made a decision early in life not to be "difficult" and have worked hard at being easy to get along with. unfortunately i dont always get the balance right, compromise myself too much and tend to get taken for granted. eventually i get fed up and tend to explode. i have got the balance better over the years, i frightened myself when i realised that my anger with my kids was often not their fault and i was on the mild end of abusive towards them at times.<br /><br />my husband is a very angry man. his anger has paralysed me, alienated the kids, lost him respect at work and caused people to avoid him socially. <br /><br />learning the appropriate expression of anger is so important and we seem, as a society, to do a very bad job of teaching itkyliehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/08964475783207438103noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3467242994126386706.post-65816189975759236652010-10-05T22:25:24.246+01:002010-10-05T22:25:24.246+01:00Grannymar - Letting stressful situations go over y...Grannymar - Letting stressful situations go over your head rather than getting bogged down in them is exactly right. Most of them don't seem so important 24 hours later anyway.<br /><br />e - I also try to avoid angry or negative people. They just make me feel bad, so why indulge them? Let them cultivate their negativity somewhere else. And as you say, we can develop skills to defuse volatile situations.Nicknoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3467242994126386706.post-54412363555936767972010-10-05T21:40:27.835+01:002010-10-05T21:40:27.835+01:00As one who can get a bit stroppy, I stay calmer no...As one who can get a bit stroppy, I stay calmer now than when I was younger. I notice I tend to avoid angry or negative persons and often end up asking myself whether, in the larger scheme, my anger will get me anywhere. I've also acquired the skills necessary to diffuse these situations and become happier as I've gotten older.ehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/11376645220662546020noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3467242994126386706.post-1921472374920414402010-10-05T21:10:02.971+01:002010-10-05T21:10:02.971+01:00My father created great tension at home, like with...My father created great tension at home, like with you my grandmother always found a way break it.<br /><br />Through the years I have learned to let stressful situations go over my head while staying calm. It certainly means that dealing with my heart situation is easier.Grannymarhttp://grannymar.com/blognoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3467242994126386706.post-84003172872895947182010-10-05T20:28:53.716+01:002010-10-05T20:28:53.716+01:00Val - Interesting that you've naturally calmed...Val - Interesting that you've naturally calmed down, maybe as you say because you've got away from people who provoked it.<br /><br />I used to get very argumentative with my father, but seldom angry as I was afraid he would get violent (he often got violent with my mother).Nicknoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3467242994126386706.post-34381246281566071762010-10-05T19:52:24.661+01:002010-10-05T19:52:24.661+01:00I used to be a very angry person, Nick. But in the...I used to be a very angry person, Nick. But in the last few years almost all of it has gone. I can't say I make a point of trying not to be, I've just calmed down! The main thing is that when I was growing up, my dad's very strong personality pretty much overpowered my own and the only way I could make myself heard (or so I thought) was to rant and rave! <br /><br />But I never thought it would be possible for me to not be aggressive or angry, it just eased off over the years when I came away from the situations and people who used to provoke it.<br /><br />Sometimes I feel like I've gone through some sort of metamorphosis!Valhttp://absurdoldbird.wordpress.comnoreply@blogger.com